Mari-Cookie Smothered In Gravy

It’s getting close to Thanksgiving, another great American holiday filled with family, stories and food and some great times spent with my family. When I was younger, we would have Thanksgiving a lot of times at both my grandparents’ house (mostly the Brassfield side) and even at my Aunt Laverne and Uncle George’s, but as for the most part for the past 10 years or so we have had a very small one at my parents’ house.  It’s always a fun time of chatting with my parents and my brother and his family about work, pro wrestling, MMA, TV Shows and movies all the while football is on the TV and great food is on the kitchen table ready to be eaten. The food highlights of what my mom fixes are the Thanksgiving classics mashed potatoes and turkey, glazed ham that is super tender and this corn dish that has boiled eggs and italian sausage in it…I think it is my favorite holiday dish. So for this pre-Thanksgiving update, we are going to take another look at a Draculina Photo Comic based on yet another Jess Franco shot on video film called “Mari-Cookie And The Killer Tarantula.”  So grab a turkey leg and load those mashed potatoes with gravy, ’cause this is going to be one cheesy filled quick and fun read.

thanksgiving turkey dinner

Mari-Cookie And The Killer Tarantula aka “Eight Legs To Love You” is a 1998 shot on video film by Jess Franco that is a mix of horror and comedy and stars many great aging scream queens like Michelle Bauer, Lina Romay and Linnea Quigley as well as 90’s B-Movie actress Amber Newman. This was yet another cheapie, shot fast and put out direct to video in the US market by the company Sub Rosa who was releasing many of his 90’s video work. The film is about two missing people that are trapped by a human spider…yeah it’s as odd as it sounds. I first saw this film on a DVD that I got as a screener from Sub Rosa as I was a movie reviewer at the time and invited my pal Jason Gilmore over to watch it as he enjoyed watching terrible films like this with me. I can remember that both of us were amazed by the train wreck we were seeing on the TV screen as Lina Romay wore all types of silly outfits and wigs, and we were both wondering what Quigley and Bauer were thinking when they signed on to make this film as I am sure the money could not have been that good. The film was neither scary nor funny and was in fact more strange and laughable due to just how dumb the script was and not for the humor that was intended. If I remember on the review I did for the film on the Independent B Movie website, I gave it 1 out of 4 stars and was by no means a fan of the film nor was Gilmore, making this another miss for me of “modern” Franco work. Look below for some screen shots of the movie as well as the DVD cover.

Mari-Cookie 1Mari-Cookie and the Killer Tarantula DVDMari-Cookie 2

Linnea Barbara Quigley was born in Iowa in 1958 where she spent most of her youth until 1976 when the family moved to Los Angeles.  She began working for a health spa, and her friends pushed her into doing some modeling that lead to her first major acting role in 1979’s “Fairy Tales” that lead to more roles in horror style b-films like Don’t Go Near The Park, Graduation Day, The Black Room, Savage Streets and Silent Night Deadly Night to name a few. But in 1985 when she played the part of punk rock chick Trash in the zombie film Return Of The Living Dead is when her popularity exploded and lead to many other classic roles in 80’s horror films like Creepzoids, Nightmare Sisters, Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Dead Heat, Night Of The Demons, and Witchtrap to name a very few. During the 80’s she became one of the biggest horror actresses and was considered the top scream queen of that decade. In the 90’s Quigley’s roles didn’t slowdown as she was in such films as Innocent Blood, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Stripteaser, Jack-O, Burial Of The Rats, Death Mask, The Killer Eye, Kolobos as well as Jess Franco’s film Mari-Cookie And The Killer Tarantula . Throughout the 2000’s to present day she continues to work in major and minor roles in many types of B-Films on all types of budget levels.  Some of these films that fans would know include Blind Target (another Franco film), Corpses Are Forever, the 2009 remake of Night of the Demons, Terror Toons 3 and is rumored to even be in the remake of the film Crazy Fat Ethel. Some cool things you may or may not know about Linnea are the following: she was in two rock bands, one before she acted in films called Mad Whistle and one after called The Skirts. Linnea was also a Playboy flashdancer and shared a photo with other dancers in a 1983 issue. Linnea has a very tiny cameo in A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master where she is the topless soul trying to bust out of Freddy’s chest in the end shot. Linnea and fellow Scream Queen Brinke Stevens in the 80’s did many adult photo shoots together even one for Playboy. In 1978 Linnea did a nude spread for the biker magazine Easyriders. I have meet Linnea many times via my convention travels and must say she is a sweet, down to earth real person who took her time to always talk to me and treat me as if I was a friend. And while she does that to every fan she meets, it still makes ya feel special and makes you respect her for all she has done in film and beyond. Here is to you Linnea Quigley, thanks for all the years of entertainment and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

Linnea Quigley 1Linnea Quigley 2Linnea Quigley 3

Speaking of Return Of The Living Dead, did you know that at one point a comic sequel based on a original 1985 script by actor Don Calfa who played mortician Ernie in the original film was in the works in 2008? I didn’t either until earlier this year, and man was I let down when I found out it was completed with a total of 70 pages and that for some reason even in 2014, the comic has not found it’s way out into the hands of the fans of the film and horror comics. The story of the comic would have the military missing dropping the bomb at the right place and by doing this, all the characters you love from the first film are alive and well and trying to figure out a way to stay alive in the zombie filled world around them. The art is done by Gary Smart who later went on to write the book “The Complete History Of Return Of The Living Dead” as well as the upcoming book based around Hellraiser called “Leviathan: The Story Of Hellraiser and Hellbound: Hellraiser II” showing that this comic had the combination of a great script and great artist who knew the source material and knew the characters better than anyone. Years would pass and besides some of the the art work and covers for the graphic novel and even normal comic style covers, no release date was ever set, and last I heard about it was in 2012 when on a message board and a Myspace post said that the comic was stuck in limbo due to the film’s rights holders not being found and getting back to Don and Gary. It’s 2014 and still no comic and all I can say is for godsakes please some comic company get the rights to this comic and get it into all our hands…you owe it to Tarman to do so.

Revenge of the Living Dead 1Revenge Of The Living Dead 2Revenge of the living dead 3

Man I really hope that comic can find a distributor soon. I mean Horrorhound Magazine, if they ever decide to get into the comic game, would be perfect for the release as would IDW if they would have stayed with the MGM Midnight Movie comic lines. But only time will tell if and when this comic will see the light of day. So let’s get to the main event of this update, a look at the photo comic for Mari-Cookie done by those fine sleazy folks at Draculina who also brought us the Lust For Frankenstein photo comic we reviewed back in May 2014. And before we get into the review, I want to give a list of the actress that play parts in this film:  Lina Romay plays Mari-Cookie and The Tarantula, Amber Newman plays Precious, Michelle Bauer plays Sheriff Marga, Linnea Quigley plays Tere and Analia Ivars plays Queen. I want to thank a seller on Amazon for having this comic in stock, and I want to remind everyone once again I grade these on a standard 1-4 star rating and am looking at how well the comic keeps to the source material, its entertainment value, its art and story. So with no more wait let’s get captured in the web of Mari-Cookie And The Killer Tarantula.

Mari-Cookie and the Killer Tarantula 1

Mari-Cookie And The Killer Tarantula # 1    1/2
Released in 1999   Cover Price $4.95   Draculina Comics   #4 of 4

The Tarantula is the Dock’s newest and hottest stripper but with her appearance also has come disappearances that are rocking the community. Mari-Cookie is a goofy woman who is married to Martin and is the prime suspect in the missing person case that female Sheriff Marga wants nothing more than to solve. Mari-Cookie and Martin have a terrible sex life, and her best friend is Tere who just so happens to have a knockout for a daughter named Precious who seems to have caught the eye of many of the town’s females. Sheriff Marga and her Deputy Barney alongside one time most popular stripper Queen are all trying to figure out who The Tarantula is and if she really is linked to the missing people. So Queen uses Precious to attract The Tarantula as she and Martin follow the two, also on the trail is Sheriff Marga who is with Tere who is upset to see her daughter making out with another woman and not with her! In the end The Tarantula, who in fact is really Mari-Cookie and has the power to turn into a spider, convinces the women to throw Martin out of the mansion and Sheriff Marga , Queen, Tere and Precious all join The Tarantula in a orgy. 

Oh My God! This could be the worst comic I have ever read and makes the last Draculina Photo Comic for Lust For Frankenstein seem like a masterpiece! The plot is so rushed and basically at no point do you ever feel like any of the characters matter nor do any of them make any sense. The plot or paper thin story is this: people go missing after visiting a strip club and all are seen with the town’s most popular dancer who in fact is a real life spider who can trans-morph at will who also hides out in the world playing the part of a dim witted blonde housewife.  She is being tracked down by a group of females who by the end of the issue all are in love with her and want to make love to her and her silly Rick James like wig. Mari-Cookie/ The Tarantula is the main baddy of the comic, and she is not scary nor really threatening as all she really wants to do is capture women and some men and make love to them, and forces them to drink a brew that is filled with puss and monkey balls. Her look as The Tarantula is silly as she wears a terrible wig and walks around pretty much nude; she is a bland character. Sheriff Marga is a stuck up mean spirited woman who seems to enjoy making out with women and wants to solve the case not for the good of the town but for her own gain of getting power in the ranks of government. Queen is a hot bitter stripper whose only motivation is to help bring The Tarantula down so that she can be the top stripper again.  She also seems to have some love affair going with Precious who she uses like a dumb dog. Precious is the daughter of Mari-Cookie’s best friend who is hot but also dumb as a box of rocks. Tere is Precious’ mom and friend to Mari-Cookie who likes to suntan by the pool and at some point has fallen in love with her own daughter…yep it’s a sick one. Martin is a waste and is just the husband of Mari-Cookie who likes to screw around behind her back. Deputy Barney is a nobody who does zero in the hunt and there is also The Tarantula’s driver who loves to lick and suck on female toes. This whole comic was such a waste and sadly the only highlight was all the nudity of the Scream Queens.  The comic as zero art and most the pictures used are okay with a few being blurry. The cover is eye catching, and if you’re a Lina Romay fan the image of her will draw you in. This so far is the lowest rated comic I have ever reviewed here on Rotten Ink and was not worth the money I paid for it let alone the original cover price nor the printing coast of the issue. I would say skip it unless you want to take a look at one of the worst comics in history of Horror Comics. Oh yeah the humor in the comic doesn’t work and it never made me smile let alone laugh. And I should say the comic follows the film pretty well, but is a more rushed version with even a character name change as Precious is named Amy in the movie. 

Mari Cookie Photo Art 1Mari Cookie Photo Art 2Mari Cookie Photo Art 3

Well I hope this warm up to the main course of November’s updates didn’t turn your stomach too badly.  I mean while the comic was terrible as is the move it’s based on we did get to take a look at Scream Queen Legend Linnea Quigley as well as talk about the needs to be released Revenge Of The Living Dead comic so those are two big pluses. But next will be our Thanksgiving Day update and to keep the tradition of the first, we will be looking at Hercules again this time based on the TV show “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” with comics done by Topps.  So make sure to check back! Until then read a comic or two, support your local Horror Host and watch a horror film because any thing is better than Mari-Cookie!

hercules and the legendary journeys logo

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