The Best Retired MLB Mascot Countdown

Welcome back to Rotten Ink! I had such a great time chatting about my top currant MLB Mascots way back in 2021 that I decided that I wanted to revisit the Rotten Ink Stadium and this time talk about those mascots that got retired and replaced over the years in Major League Baseball! Just like any mascot, sometimes they are sent to the Mascot Retirement Home to be forgotten but many are still well loved by fans that remember them. Others fade away as their replacements start to get the memories and attentions of the fans of the ball team. And on the other hand some of these mascots were so despised and are so bad that they needed to be retired as fans, players and even the whole ball club want them gone! So for this update we are going to rank all the retired mascots those gone but not forgotten jesters of the ball field that have brought so much joy to the crowds.

Now let me take a moment to say what rules I gave myself when ranking these Mascots as it was both very easy and very hard all at the same time as I think each and everyone of these Mascots are great in their own ways. So here is what I used for my rankings I took my time and watched videos of each mascot doing their thing from on field antics! I looked at how well loved they are by the fans, critics as well as the team they represent. I looked at how well their costumes look as well as their personality. I looked at if they had any limitations in their antics as well as slightly how well they fit the team they mascot for. I as well ruled out teams that try to use real animals as well as fans as their mascots, because those are not true mascots, as we all know and love them. I ruled out my love for the team as just cause I love the team don’t mean they have a great mascot. And most important and taken into consideration is of course my personal like for the mascot again not the team but the mascot themselves. And again remember this is all for fun and I must stress I feel all of them mean something to their fans just like Horror Hosts so they are all important in their own ways. So with that lets find out seats at Rotten Ink Stadium and order a drink and some junk food and lets talk Retired MLB Mascots as I give you my personal countdown from least favorite to my top pick.

# 20

Homer The Brave
Team: Atlanta Braves     Debut: 1986     Retired: 1988     World Series Wins: 4

Homer The Brave was a mascot that the Braves used in the 1980’s to replace the super popular Chief Noc-A-Homa and was designed after the teams logo at the time. The Mascot was very awkward and while he did a great job of getting the crowd pumped he also was very limited on what he could due. The Mascot was discontinued pretty quickly as Native American groups disliked the appearance and exploitation of their culture. While Homer The Brave was well liked by the hometown fans as well as the team, they made the wise choice of sending him to the retirement home in the sky. The thing about Homer The Brave is that also in this modern time it’s very hard to find any real information or even videos of him as The Braves really have forced him into their past. So I am not 100% sure if his retired year is right as information on him is limited. Homer The Brave is my least favorite MLB Retired Mascot as I found him to be way too limited and an extremely outdated mindset of turning a culture into a sales tactic.

# 19

Philadelphia Phil & Phillis
Team: Philadelphia Phillies     Debut: 1971     Retired: 1979     World Series Wins: 0

Sometimes in the world of mascots you don’t have to do any silly antics or run around the bases to get the crowd to cheer for the home team or distract the opposing team, you just have the love and respect of your home team and crowd…and I feel that Philadelphia Phil and Philadelphia Phillis did just that in the 70s. You see Phil and Phillis were two revolutionary colonial dressed, large headed sibling characters that were created when the Phillies showed off the there state-of-the-art Veterans Stadium. At first it was odd as the crowd did not know how to take the pair as they just kind of were around and were not doing any antics to get the crowd pumped, and I think this confused fans to why they were there! But what did make them the stars of the show was the “Home Run Spectacular” that would have the pair put on a show compete with a canon going off, the Liberty Bell glowing and even the song Stars And Stripes playing after a Phillies player would hit a home run. But as the decade came to an end so did Phil and Phillies time as the mascots as by 1979 they rang in the country’s bicentennial and then were sent packing to the Mascot Retirement Home. The Brother and Sister duo did make two more appearances in 2003 as they appeared with the Phillie Phanatic for the final year of Veterans Stadium at both opening and final games. While Philadelphia Phil and Philadelphia Phillis might not be that iconic in the eyes of many Phillies fans and in modern times are forgotten, they still made their mark on the sports and the Home Run Spectacular they were involved in was very iconic. While I like the way they look and love the idea of them celebrating our nations bicentennial at the ball park, its also just how simple and lackluster their push to get the crowd behind the team and themselves is why I have to rate them this low. On a side note back in the 80’s and original costumes were sold to fans during a massive ball club stadium sale that had the Phillies selling off many of their Phil and Phillis items.

# 18

Souki
Team: Montreal Expos     Debut: 1978     Retired: 1978     World Series Wins: 0

You know that a mascot is bad when the team sends him to the retirement home after only one season! Souki is another baseball headed mascot who was a copy of Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Met and his only major change is that he was spaced themed and rocked a great futuristic suit. From what I have looked into Souki was very limited in his actions due to the massive head and that fans hated him as he scared kids and the adults thought he was cheesy and lame. He was so disliked that he was attacked by a father who was mad that the mascot scared his kid with his weird appearance…now you know that things are not good for you when you are being attacked out of hate as they think you are bad at what you do. And with all the bad fan reaction to him the Expos sent him packing after only one season, and this makes you wonder if they would have given him a few more years would he have won the hearts of the fans? Would he have grown to become one of the most loved mascots in sports, a true icon if you will? And would he have been inducted into the Mascot Hall Of Fame? All questions that I am sure would lead us to the answer of NO.

# 17

Bluepper
Team: San Diego Padres     Debut: 1992     Retired: 1994     World Series Wins: 0

Sometimes a mascot just fails to capture the fans and is rejected right off the bate, most of the time when this happens is because the new mascot replaced a beloved one and other times its just cause they are not good at what they do and their antics are annoying and not charming. And for the baseball nosed Bluepper he could not catch a break as the hometown fans were just not into him and would be vocal about it, and no matter how hard he tried it took a very long time for him to start to build a small fan base. As Bluepper was not a bad mascot as he had a silly look and was pretty funny with his antics it was just the fact he was not The Swinging Friar and was not The San Diego Chicken who would make guest appearances at the ballpark. Bluepper was disliked by the older fans who would shout and boo him and the younger fans as well did not take to him as they would punch at him as well as yell at him. While Bluepper was not bad at his job and had an ok look it’s the fact he made no impact in his two years active before retirement is why he is rated this low on my list. I do however want to say that I think if the Padres would have given him a little more time to try and bond with the fans he could have went on for many more years as I feel with some slight changes he could have been really good.

# 16

Crazy Crab
Team: San Francisco Giants   Debut: 1984   Retired: 1984   World Series Wins: 8

Lets first say that Crazy Crab was only a mascot for the Giants for one season and he was created not make fun of the MLB Mascot craze and they wanted the fans in the seats to boo the hell out of him as they created on purpose one of the worst mascots of all time, his antics were disruptive and his look was laughable bad…but even though he was created to be hated…he did his job really well and got the crowd to react and pay attention to him as well brought attention to the Giants as people wanted to see what this crabby jerk was going to do next. The fans hated him so much that they would throw things at him and as well would send four letter words his way, the players as well disliked him as even the Giants would throw things at Crazy Crab and at one point players form the Padres talked him that caused the mascot to be injured as well as caused him to file a lawsuit! Crazy Crab was sent into retirement after only one season and would only be brought back for the 1999 at the final game at Candlestick Park. Because he was so hated he also started to get a cult fan following and is still talked about to this day and even has a sandwich at the AT&T Park named after him. For me his antics were great and got the reaction that was needed, but man his look is so cheesy and lame!

# 15

Rootin’ Tootin’ Ranger
Team: Texas Rangers     Debut: 1970’s     Retired: 1970’s     World Series Wins: 0

The Texas Rangers in the 1970’s brought in a mascot that could not only bring law and order to the field but also the belly laughs from the fans in the stands. Rootin’ is a fuzzy faced yellow pant wearing ranger who was meet by fans with mix reviews, with him at some point winning their cheers and laughs thanks to his antics. He would do what he could to get the fans to cheer the home team to a win and even show support in the losses. A fun Rootin’ Tootin’ Ranger fact is that at one of his early game appearance the heat of the sun got to him and caused him to pass out for a short time in front of fans! While Rootin’ is not a mascot that is talked about in modern times and sadly by most accounts has been forgotten, but for those long time Ranger fans his Tootin’ ways will always live forever in their hearts and memories. I should say for me Rootin’ is a very interesting looking mascot and almost reminds me of a Looney Tune character.

# 14

Chester Charge
Team: Houston Astros     Debut: 1977     Retired: ??     World Series Wins: 1

The first mascot for the Astros was Chester Charge was a Texas cavalry soldier who would ride around on his horse and do what he could to get the crowd pumped for his team. Chester would entertain the crowd at home games at the start, he would come back and run the bases at the seventh inning stretch, plus an animated version of him would appear on the scoreboard as a bugle blasted he would get the crowd to cheer “Charge!” and this would get the fans truly amped for baseball. Chester Charge while limited not only by the costume but also the powers that be as they would only let him entertain the fans in small bursts he still did a fantastic job at getting people to pop, and brought lots of joy and entertainment to the game. And the weird thing is I am not sure when the Astros decided to retire Chester as his graphics on the scoreboard are still played at the stadium to this day. So I am sure your asking yourself why Chester Charge is this low on my list, well its simple while I like what he did with his antics and can respect the love fans have for him, his look and the fact he was so tied down by the Astros make him just kind of average in my book, again I respect him he just does not capture my attention.

# 13

Mr. Oriole
Team: Baltimore Orioles     Debut: 1954     Retired: ??     World Series Wins: 3

Mr. Oriole is baseballs first costumed mascot and because of him we have all the other mascots in MLB as well as he was who paved the way for my favorite mascot the Oriole Bird! Mr. Oriole was before antics and skits was a thing and was more of an attraction for kids and fans to see in person at the stadium and form what I have gathered he was very much well loved and also at times scared kids who were not use to seeing a mascot like him. The thing about Mr. Oriole is while he is super iconic and really is the godfather of MLB Mascots his lack of bringing the crowds to cheers and laughs hold him back, the fact he really did nothing to get the fans to root for the home team makes him rate this low on my list. In fact sadly due to how long ago he was active not much information is around for him as I am not sure how often they used him and when they finally decided to send him to the Retirement Home. I will say that for the time of the mid 50’s I think the look of Mr. Oriole is great and I would like to see them bring him out of retirement for one last run alongside the Oriole Bird as I see that as a father and son duo.

# 12

Clutch & Scoop
Team: Los Angeles Angels     Debut: 1990     Retired: 1999     World Series Wins: 1

Clutch And Scoop are two bears who had angel wings as well as halos that were the mascots for The Angels through out the 1990’s that were for the most part well liked, but by the late 90s they had fallen in popularity and used less and less and finally put into the Retirement Home by the end of the decade as the really like monkey called “Rally Monkey” had taken their place as the teams mascot as well as had taken the fans attention. Clutch And Scoop would do some antics and were mostly around to meet and greet the fans at the stadium and they did a great job of that as kids really seemed to dig them and they gained a good fan base who enjoyed seeing them at the games. As you know I am not a fan of cheesy bear looking mascots like Clark of the Cubs, but I must say these two look pretty good and are less cheesy then Clark and have a kind of cartoon meets kids comic book look to them, in fact I would say these two look like a Disney Cartoon come alive. While they are not known for over the top antics and by most accounts have been forgotten I think Clutch and Scoop have a good look to them and while they did bare antics they still helped add to the attraction of seeing a home game.

# 11

Twinkie The Loon
Team: Minnesota Twins     Debut: 1980     Retired: 1981      World Series Wins: 2

Way before T.C. Bear hit the stadium the Twins had a very short and all around hated mascot called Twinkie The Loon a goofy looking fun loving bird creature who would do his thing to get the crowd pumped for some baseball, and would also just annoy them with his antics. It’s crazy as Twinkie was so disliked that the team as well as fans wanted him gone only after a year active and he was not well liked by young or old fans and to be honest no footage has been released showing his antics, he is not spoken about by the Twins during their history, very few pictures of him are around and for the most part he is forgotten in the world of MLB mascots…but dang it for some reason I really like this Loon’s look as he looks like he is super crazy and would be really annoying on and off the field. I am rating Twinkie this high because of his weird and wired look. One day the Twins should bring Twinkie The Loon out of retirement and allow him to run free once more in the stadium and see if in these modern times fans would warm up to him, plus he might make T.C. Bear work a little harder on his antics as well as could have Twinkie as a sidekick, wait what am I saying I am sure that Twinkie The Loon would be meet with jeers and not cheers if he ever returned.

# 10

Rally
Team: Atlanta Braves     Debut: 1985     Retired: 2005     World Series Wins: 4

Rally is one of those mascots that was used to try and make fans forget about the previous mascot the Braves had and it kind of worked as Rally was well loved by the fans with many of them still loving him to this day, but there is also the fact that critics and none Brave fans think he was silly looking and annoying and worst of all forgettable! Rally did his job at the ball stadium as he entertained young and old and had some classic antics in his bag of tricks, but one thing that held him back was the fact The Braves did not use him as often as they should so spotting him at a game was rare and this lead to him being out shadowed by Homer The Brave and Homer that would come along shortly after his debut. Forbes loved Rally as in 2008 they gave him the # 9 spot on their best sports mascot countdown! But on the other hand many journalist at the time really disliked Rally and would publish articles about how annoying and bad he was, as they themselves just wanted Chief Noc-A-Homa back. Also a thing that both worked for and against Rally was his red fur and blue Mohawk appearance as many did not know what he was while other would day he was a bear like Muppet looking creature that was inspired by Wally The Green Monster from the Boston Red Sox. While Rally might not be talked about much outside of Atlanta he sure left his mark on the hometown fans. Oddly enough the Braves just kind of let Rally fade and by 2005 he was not seen again.

# 9

The Baseball Bug
Team: Cleveland Indians     Debut: 1980     Retired: 1981     World Series Wins: 2

The Cleveland Indians during the 1980’s season thought that they had the baseball mascot that would take the world by storm and become the biggest and most iconic of all time when they released The Baseball Bug onto their fans…and he sadly was a major failure as he was not well loved and was not liked at all by those he was suppose to entertain. Many fans, critics and players were confused on what he was suppose to be as he was red in color, fuzzy, and a baseball hat over his face and was even yelled at by Indian management for doing his antics to the Yankee players…showing he was doomed from the start. The Baseball Bug was booed by Indian fans, and while he was very good with his antics he could not win them over, the critics still to this day write about how he was a failure and how he made no sense in design and was just bad. But was he really as bad as history tells us? I am going to say nom in fact I myself like his look as it reminds me of something I would see in the pages of MAD Magazine and from what I have read he was very good at what he did as far as antics, it was the fans who would not allow him to get over. The Baseball Bug was good at what he did and I for one know as a kid I would have been a big fan.

# 8

Homer
Team: Atlanta Braves     Debut: 1989     Retired: 2017     World Series Wins: 4

Homer is yet another baseball headed mascot that many scream about being a copy of Mr. Met who is in fact just a copy of Mr. Redlegs (but that’s for another time) who I find did a fantastic job of entertaining the fans and interacting with the youngsters and was pretty well loved by all those in the stadium. While once more limited by the awkward baseball head like all those who have came before him, Homer did a great job of working with his limitations and delivering belly laughs and memories to all the fans. Homer over his time as the Braves mascot also went through some head changes as his face went from wild to tame and this helped add some layers to his character. The fans got behind Homer and that’s why he had a long and successful career as the Braves mascot and built a loyal fan base that is going strong even to this day. I think were he shined the most is his interaction with the kids at the ball park as he took his time with them and made them laugh as well entertained them when they could have been getting antsy in the stadium seats. I also have to give Homer credit for replacing the original Homer The Brave and did a great job of making the fans forget him. While many critics and sports paper writers where not a major fans of Homer their opinions didn’t matter as he was well loved and did a pretty good job in his mascot antics. And to be honest I also fought with placing Homer at this # 8 spot as I feel that he could have placed higher as I really do like him and feel he is one of he better baseball head mascots, but I had to leave him here as the others above him have captured my imagination more as well as I think do better on their on field antics. But with that said I would like to see Homer comeback and work alongside Blooper the Braves current mascot.

# 7

Astrojack & Astrodillo
Team: Houston Astros     Debut: 1980’s     Retired: 1980’s    World Series Wins: 1

The Astros in the 1980’s decided they needed a new mascot and after Chester Charge was retired they decided to bring in two mascots with Astrojack and his pal Astrodillo and they were really fun and were good at their antics and the fans seemed to warm up to them pretty quickly. They did lots of classic bits from running the bases, to silly skits and even rode three wheelers around the park. They would interact with players as well as the house band at the stadium and they would always take time for the fans both young and old. Astrojack was a crazy eyed jack rabbit who was almost the brains of the group and would lead them in the antics, while Astrodillo was a cowboy hat wearing armadillo who for me was the main dude and is why the pair are ranking this high as besides the fact they were really good at entertaining the fans his goofy looking nature and appearance made me a fan. Plus they were the first mascots for the Astros that would go into the crowd and truly interact with the fans. While they were short lived as I could not find a reliable source that would tell me when they debut and were retired I think these two guys were way to short lived and I think they could have and should have been used past the 1980’s and in my mind Astrojack is the crazy brother of the teams replacement mascot Junction Jack. And Astros if you are reading this (yeah I know they are not) you should bring back this pair as secondary mascots who could help Orbit entertain the fans! Long Live Astrodillo!

# 6

Dandy
Team: New York Yankess     Debut: 1979     Retired: 1981     World Series Wins: 27

The New York Yankees are one of the worlds most iconic and beloved baseball teams that have super loyal fans and have produced some of he all time greatest players over the decades. But when it comes to mascots they have failed on so many levels and the top two for me is first they do not have an active mascot like none its like they are sticks in the mud of having fun in the stands and having a goofy character entertaining the fans during the downtimes. And second reason they have failed is the fact they never gave Dandy here a fare share and doomed him from the moment he hit the stadium. Dandy was named by fans that wrote in with their suggestions and at first the Yankees put lots of hype around him as they wanted to cash in on the popularity of sports mascots that was sweeping the nation. But just as quickly as they hyped him up the also lost interest in him and would not allow him on the fields during the games, would not have him be seen by the masses as he was forced to stay in the upper section of the stadium, and then the benched Dandy for a bit after Yankee Catcher Thurman Munson passed away from a plane crash, and many said Dandy and he shared the same mustache. And after this plans for Dandy came to an end as the Yankees and the creators of the characters parted ways and Dandy was sent to the retirement home. It’s crazy as poor Dandy never got the chance to fully show the world what he was bringing to the art of mascoting and I truly think the Yankees dropped the ball with Dandy as so many fans never even knew he existed. And it’s also hard to find any real feedback on him as most hate he gets is from fans who never seen him in action and I hear those who did get to seemed to really dig him. To sum it up get your crap together Yankees and bring back Dandy or create a new mascot for the 2022 season.

# 5

Braves Bleacher Creature
Team: Atlanta Braves     Debut: 1977     Retired: 1981      World Series Wins: 4

Something very strange was stocking around the bleachers at Braves games in the late 1970’s, something green with big eyes and a toothless mouth, something that looked like a walking shag carpet with a Braves hat on with the teams names across his chest…he would being creeping around until the early 1980’s before being sent to the Mascot Retirement Home…and I am of course talking about the Braves Bleacher Creature! This mascot was a backup for Chief Noc-A-Homa and would spend his time in the seating sections entertaining kids and fans during games. Form all accounts Braves Bleacher Creature was well liked by fans and the kids just loved him even if sometimes they would get a little to rough and hit with mini baseball bats or try and remove one of his eyes during a game. Braves Bleacher Creature would make many public appearances during his short run as a Braves mascot and while now in modern times it seems popular to call him “Nightmare Fuel” he was very much well loved during his stint with the team. While he was limited in antics Braves Bleacher Creature took his time to meet with the fans and make sure they had fun while doing so. It’s really unclear why the Braves decided to retire him from active duty as he was popular and still had much more to give to fans. The one thing that was said about the Braves Bleacher Creature is that during hot days he would give off a bad odor, making him one of the stinkiest mascots in MLB history. And for some reason his look really captures my attention and I love the cheesy 70’s design. The Braves should have a poll on their website on what mascot was loved the best from their whole history and while Chief Noc-A-Homa would probably win it would be interesting to see where Braves Bleacher Creature stacked up against Homer The Brave, Homer and Blooper.

# 4

Junction Jack
Team: Houston Astros     Debut: 2000     Retired: 2012     World Series Wins: 1

The Astros wanted to send Orbit to the retirement home in 2000 as they changed stadiums and wanted a fresh start and so the railroad engineer 7ft tall rabbit named Junction Jack was brought in to entertain the fans and annoy and distract the opposing team. And while the fans loved Orbit they quickly warmed up to Junction Jack as he was pretty dang good in his antics that would have him doing skits, dancing and even riding bikes and such. Junction Jack interacted with the fans really well and kids loved getting their pictures with him and laughing at his silliness, he also did his fair share of showing up at public events to entertain as well as promote the Astros and baseball in general. And while Junction Jack had his fans he also had his fair share of haters who thought he was “creepy” looking and other just thought he was way too annoying. I for one like Junction Jack as I think his antics were solid and good, I liked his appearance as I find it to look like a cartoon character come alive and most of all like all he did for the fans at the stadium to bring them a few good belly laughs. But in 2012 the Astros decided to retire him as they changed leagues and with that they got new uniforms as well as brought Orbit back as the teams mascot and with this they forced Junction Jack into retirement. But during his time as the Astros mascot Jack was at least able to appear on some baseball cards as well as other merchandise. One interesting Internet rumor by a YouTuber is that Orbit killed Junction Jack after the debut of the new outfits for the team, he claims that Orbit used a ray gun and shot Jack three times turning him to dust and ending the mascots life…yeah that was just for a comedy video…or was it? But really Junction Jack really was a great mascot that I hope one day will return again to the Astros and show that he still had lots more to give and do.

# 3

Ribbie & Roobarb
Team: Chicago White Sox     Debut: 1981     Retired: 1988.    World Series Wins: 3

With mascot fever running wild in baseball and while under new ownership the White Sox knew it was time for them to get a mascot for the team and then they figured why not two of them!! So enter Ribbie & Roobarb as pair of strange looking creatures that looked like they walked off the set of The Muppets or Sesame Street and onto the ball field, they would do all types of antics on and off the field, they did many public appearances and tried their best to get the fans to laugh and cheer! I mean how could the fans not like these two as they did their best to become the next big thing in baseball, well the fans disliked the pair from the start and even by the time they were sent packing to the retirement home they had only gained some love that was mostly from kids who grew to enjoy the pair. So looking at these two fun guys and hearing that they did a great job of mascot antics I am sure your asking yourself “How Is It They Were Unpopular And Hated?” well their was two main reasons with one being that fans did not understand them as their look had no ties to the team and this caused many to be confused by them running around the field and stands. But the main reason they were disliked and forced into an early retirement was because of a character called Andy The Clown a guy who had performed at White Sox games sense the 1960’s and had became an unofficial mascot and was someone the fans looked forward to seeing at home games. You see White Sox management wanted to for the loved Andy The Clown to no longer show up to the stadium in costume and this not only was heartbreaking to Andy but also pissed off the fans who loved The Clown! And because of this is why Ribbie & Roobarb were beat up by kids and mocked by the adults. To me the pair were great at what they did and had a fun and interesting look they just debuted at the wrong time and for the wrong reason to drive away a beloved fan who dressed as a clown and truly brought enjoyment to White Sox fans.

# 2

BJ Birdy
Team: Toronto Blue Jays     Debut: 1979      Retired: 1999      World Series Wins: 2

I think of all the mascots on this list none of them had as long of a career being a MLB mascot like BJ Birdy who for 20 years was a staple at games for the Blue Jays. BJ Birdy was a master of what he did and all his antics and skits were improve as he would react to what fans and players did to create a fun time for all, and because of his style of antics it set him apart from the others at the time. But while BJ Birdy was well loved he also did have some heat from fans as well as the team as at times his antics would anger people and this caused strain between him and the team from time to time, and in fact at times BJ would take shots at the team’s management in his weekly comic strip, that’s right he had his own strip. In 1993 he was thrown out of a game as his antics annoyed an Umpire who had him tossed out due to that fact he felt the mascots antics were disrespectful. While BJ Birdy was going strong his time with the team came to an end in 1999 as the team decided to send him to the Mascot Retirement home as the partnership between the two was just to sour at the time and the Blue Jays had Ace his replacement on the way. While BJ Birdy seemed like he rocked the boat one to many times in his 20 years of being the team’s mascot one can not say that his antics and appearances did not add to the games, plus being around for 20 years and being loved by almost all says lots for the legacy of him. Now I get that his look might not have been the flashiest and had an almost High School Team Mascot look to it, I for one like just how simple it was and it never rendered him from putting on one heck of a show!

# 1

Youppi!
Team: Montreal Expos     Debut: 1978      Retired: 2004      World Series Wins: 0

The Montreal Expos was a Canadian major league baseball team that was created in 1969 and lasted until 2004 before they moved to the United States and became the Washington Nationals and are based out of D.C. and with this changed of nations they not only had a name change but also replaced the team’s mascot and that was the biggest mistake they could have made as they got rid of Youppi! or maybe not as Screech became the Nationals Mascot so we did get a very great mascot that I ranked as my # 4 favorite active mascot in MLB. Youppi! is fantastic and one of the best mascots to grace a baseball field as his antics were funny as hell and he was great with the fans on and off the field as he was well loved and respected. Youppi! could get the fans riled up and cheer of the Expos and he also did a great job of annoying and distracting their opponents as he was the first ever mascot to be thrown out of a game when he pushed the buttons of Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda who complained to the umpires and they tossed him out of the game!! Youppi! has a great look that is fun with his bright orange fur and goofy face and he is also very kid friendly and became an attraction all himself, so you could imagine the sadness fans had when the Expos moved to Washington and Youppi! was sent to the Mascot Retirement Home. Youppi! was in limbo for some times after the move and he was a topic among Canadian sports fans as they missed their beloved mascot and wanted him back. And in 2005 after paying a large six figures amount to the Washington Nationals the pro hockey team Montreal Canadiens rescued Youppi! from the retirement home and he remains as their mascot to this day, and I have to note is still just as funny as before and is just as loved! So you see the tale of Youppi! has a happy ending as he might no longer be in baseball he still is able to do his antics in another sport and is my # 1 best Retired MLB Mascot of all time!

As you can see Major League Baseball has had some amazing Mascots in their past and many of them I still think should be around to this day as they still had lots of funny antics left in their acts to bring joy to the ballpark. And let’s be honest its an amazing thing that MLB has let Youppi! live on in sports with antics on the NHL ice. But the game is over and the Rotten Ink Stadium is closing up until next year and we are going to leave the world of sports mascots behind as for the next update we will be attending an academy…a Police Academy! That’s right we will be taking a look at the film and cartoon series Police Academy that spawned a comic book series by Marvel Comics! So until next time watch a Sports Game or three, cheer your favorite mascot and as always cheer on your favorite team. See you next time for a goofy time with Mahoney and his friends as they stop crime.

The Best Active MLB Mascot Countdown!

Baseball is America’s favorite past time and a sport that is embedded into our culture and has driven collectors markets for decades with trading cards and even autographs. Growing up in Waynesville, Ohio almost all my male classmates and even some of the females collected baseball cards, showing that the appeal of this sport in the 80’s and 90’s was strong. In town we had a place called Bill’s Baseball Den that had tons of classic ball cards as well as new packs from the industries top companies like Topps, Donruss and Fleer. I can remember going to a few Cincinnati Reds games back then along with my father, brother and my dad’s close friends and seeing the likes of Barry Larkin and Eric Davis doing their thing, as well as seeing Mr. Red their then-mascot…and at those Red’s games is where I discovered that baseball was fun to watch live…but also that Mascots for sports teams are amazing! And when planning updates for 2021 I knew that I had to cover MLB Mascots and then knowing how many of you readers love when I do a countdown this just seemed like a no brainer to do. To me, mascots are a major part of baseball just like hot dogs, peanuts and beer are part of the experience.

Now let me take a moment to say what rules I gave myself when ranking these mascots as it was both very easy and very hard all at the same time as I think each and every one of these mascots are great in their own ways. So here is what I used for my rankings: I took my time and watched videos of each mascot doing their thing from on field antics all the way to videos on their social media. I looked at how well loved they are by the fans, critics as well as the team they represent. I looked at how well their costumes look as well as their personality. I looked at if they had any limitations in their antics as well as slightly how well they fit the team they mascot for. I ruled out any sidekick mascots and only rated the team’s main mascot. I as well ruled out teams that try to use real animals (looking at you Angels) as well as fans as their mascots, because those are not true mascots, as we all know and love them. I ruled out my love for the team – just cause I love the team doesn’t mean they have a great mascot. And most importantly is, of course, my personal like for the mascot again not the team but the mascot themselves. And again remember this is all for fun and I must stress I feel all of them mean something to their fans just like Horror Hosts so they are all important in their own ways. So with that, let’s find our seats at Rotten Ink Stadium and order a drink and some junk food and let’s talk MLB Mascots as I give you my personal countdown from least favorite to my top pick. Oh and I want to also take a moment to say shame on the following teams for not having a Mascot at their ball park” New York Yankees, Los Angeles Angels and Los Angeles Dodgers, get it together and bring in a mascot.

# 27

Billy The Marlin
Team: Miami Marlins     Debut: 1993     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

Poor old Billy finds himself in the last place spot.  Since he was introduced in 1993 all the way to this day, I have always found him to be the least interesting mascot in the MLB as his antics and style are just bland as is his over all appearance.  Whenever I watch a game, he never is one that makes me wonder what he is up to during halftime. But while Billy The Marlin might not be my favorite mascot, he does have a very big following in his home state of Florida and even has his own fan club for youths. But while Billy is a lovable mascot, he also has a “dark side” aka some silly mishaps that includes firing a t-shirt into the crowd and knocking out an older man when the shirt hit him in the eye or so the old man claims. Also during a 1997 parachute stunt his head was blown off by high winds and was found 2 months later near the highway. But even with those silly mishaps, Billy is well loved for sure, he just is not for me. Oh yes and he has also gotten his own baseball cards from Topps over the years. When USA Today did their countdown, Billy was ranked # 15.

# 26

Southpaw
Team: Chicago White Sox     Debut: 2004     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 3

The White Sox is one of those iconic teams that started in 1900 and their original mascot was Andy The Clown who was later replaced by Ribbie & Roobarb who in turn were ousted by the animated White Sox Wolf…but his time as well was numbered by Southpaw who took over in 2004 and is the team’s mascot still to this day. Southpaw is a green furred monster who looks like a Muppet and cartoon character and is really solid at entertaining the fans during White Sox games and is a master of silly dances and silly pranks on players and fans.  But that’s kind of the thing about Southpaw, he just is kind of average all around and does not have a presence like the other mascots on this list and that’s why he ranks so low in my eyes. Southpaw has been on ball cards from companies like Topps and USA Today ranked him # 23 on their list.

# 25

Lou Seal
Team: San Francisco Giants     Debut: 1996     POP: No     World Series Wins: 8

While Forbes and Hulu will tell you that the iconic Lou Seal is one of the best mascots the MLB has to offer, I sadly disagree as his antics are fantastic but the character’s over all look is very bland and does not capture my attention nor imagination like the others that will be making up this list. But while I might not think the look of this sports mascot is the best thing going, those who go and see a Giants game are highly entertained by Lou who tries to appear at almost very home game and brings smiles to the young and young at heart. A fun little fact is that Lou Seal got his name from a contest that allowed fans to name the character before his debut in 1996 and a total of six fans all wrote in with the name “Lou Seal” and so the name was picked and all those fans got invited to the game when he made his on-field first appearance. Also Lou Seal and the man who wears the costume were one of the subjects followed on the Hulu show called “Behind The Mask”. And for those wondering, yes, this massive seal has graced some baseball cards. USA Today ranked him their # 6 best MLB Mascot.

# 24

Dinger
Team: Colorado Rockies     Debut: 1994     POP: No     World Series Wins: 0

Dinger is the Rockies # 1 fan and has warmed his way into the hearts of the fans that pack the ballpark to watch the game and see his antics, and he has became a icon in the minds of the kids who love watching the purple dinosaur do his thing to cheer on his team. Dinger is a purple triceratops and his name is slang term for home runs, and for those wondering why he is that type of dinosaur its cause many fossils were dug up in Colorado and this caused the ball club to choose a one to be their mascot. Dinger during a game can also be found in the stands interacting with his fans and even at times doing his best to distracting the opposing team in order to try and give his team an edge to win. Dinger is a fun mascot who is very much beloved by Rockies fans and while he is low on my list he is a great mascot for baseball and brings the smiles and joy to fans at the stadium. USA Today ranked him # 8 of their top MLB Mascots.

# 23

Clark
Team: Chicago Cubs     Debut: 2014     POP: No     World Series Wins: 3

The Chicago Cubs is a ball team that always seems like the underdogs that have you rooting for them, and crazy enough they always have great players they just never seem to get the wins they need…and for me their mascot Clark just does not bring the home runs when it comes to look and sideline antics, and over all has a very generic Party City rented suit look to him. But while I find Clark to be dull and boring in look he does bring the joy to fans of the Cubs and many younger fans look forward to seeing him and his silly ways and for that I have to give him respect. Plus Clark is a newbie in the baseball mascot world so he still has time to grow as a character and I am sure will become a major icon over time. I love that he was created when fans wanted more friendly things at Wrigley Field for kids to do and Clark was born to greet them before, during and after the games. Over all while Clark is just kind of silly looking and still green when it comes to being a thought about mascot, he is quickly building a fan base and helps add the fun times of attending a Cubs game. And yep, he has graced some baseball cards. Clark was rated # 22 on USA Today’s countdown.

# 22

T.C. Bear
Team: Minnesota Twins     Debut: 2000     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

Another bear mascot with a very generic rental store look, but T.C. Bear has more history to his look as he is based on the old Hamm’s Beer Bear, mascot of Hamm’s Brewery that was on original sponsor for the Twins. And his name T.C. of course stands for Twin Cities and he stepped into the role of mascot when the original was sent to the Mascot Retirement Home in the sky the original was named Twinkie and was a Loon. One thing that sets T.C. apart from Clark is that he has a more classic mascot look to him, and while they both are great at entertaining on the sidelines and in the crowd I give T.C. the slight edge as I find him to turn it up when needed. Going on over 20 years as the teams mascot makes T.C. Bear a major part of the Twins game experience and like all other MLB mascots he has a major hometown following and has graced many baseball cards. And for his USA Today rating they gave him the # 26 spot.

# 21

Raymond
Team: Tampa Bay Rays     Debut: 1998     POP: No     World Series Wins: 0

So Raymond here is a strange looking creature that is said to be a “Seadog” that lives at the ball field and loves to show support for the Rays as well as entertain the fans during the game. Raymond is a very cool, cartoonish looking mascot who has a great act when it comes to entertaining the fans, and like all mascots not to mention helps bring the laughs to the crowd. Raymond over the years has gotten the respect from such sites as GameOps and USA Today who ranked him # 14 on their Mascot countdown. One thing that makes me enjoy Raymond as well is that he looks like a friend creature in some photos while others he kind of looks mean! Raymond is a great mascot and The Rays have done a fantastic job of bringing the laughs with him, and yep also got the baseball card treatment.

# 20

Ace
Team: Toronto Blue Jays     Debut: 2002     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

Ace is a mascot for Canada’s only pro baseball team and he took over the role in 2002 from the teams original mascot named BJ Birdy who was forced into the Mascot Retirement Home by the ball club who wanted something new and fresh for fans to see while at home games, and this did not go over well with fans as Birdy was well loved and they did not want a new mascot as they were all very happy with the old one! And when the Blue Jays asked the fans to help name one the new replacement they got flooded with bad names as fans were not happy. But while at first fans where not happy Ace did what he does best and that’s entertain, bring the silly laughs and fill the fans with home team pride and has won their hearts over with time. Some fun facts about Ace is that he has graced baseball cards, his original name for a short time was Slider, his beak was changed from grey to blue, he wears team # 0 and his look was created by Sugar’s Mascot Costumes based in Toronto Canada. For me I see what Ace had to face in order to win his own towns respect and he does a great job of pulling off his antics and that’s why I respect the little feathered guy. USA Today ranked Ace at # 20 in their countdown.

# 19

Rangers Captain
Team: Texas Rangers     Debut: 2002     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 0

Who don’t love a horse that attends baseball games in Texas and jumps around swinging flags and entertaining you during the slow parts of the game! Rangers Captain is truly one cool and total “American” style mascot who loves baseball and also bringing the laughs to fans in the bleachers. When watching moments on YouTube of Rangers Captain doing his bits its great to see the fans face light up with smiles as they see him, and that goes for young and old as its clear he is well loved by his hometown fans. For some reason many outside of Texas fans have a weird dislike for Rangers Captain as they say that he is silly looking, stuff of nightmares and even generic…but I for one when watching him do his thing have nothing but respect for him as he is great at what he does and that’s bring on the laughs during a Rangers ball game. Some fun facts about Rangers Captain is that the number he wears 72 is the year that the Rangers relocated to the Dallas Metroplex, and he has many change of jerseys that follows the teams change in uniforms. Rangers Captain has graced Topps baseball cards and ranked # 18 of mascots of Major League Baseball.

# 18

Slider
Team: Cleveland Indians     Debut: 1990     POP: No     World Series Wins: 2

When the Cleveland Indians showed their new mascot Slider to the fans in 1990 they seemed a little confused as they replaced Chief Wahoo and Tom E. Hawk with this strange bright colored Muppet looking creature that just seemed out of place. And like many new mascots that took the place of beloved ones it was a little rough for Slider to win the hearts of the fans…but like all good mascots put in this position Slider worked his butt off and used his silly and funny skills to win them over. Slider is known for his dance movies and while he is a part of the Ohio sports family he also seems to have a feud with Cincinnati Reds secondary mascot Gapper who is also a fuzzy Muppet like creature. While Slider here might look very silly he does have the moves to get the attention, and has become a staple for fans who attend Indian games. But while Slider is super goofy he did have a bad mishap in 1995 when he fell off the outfield wall during an American League Championship Series game and tore ligaments in his knee, ouch! Slider is loved here in Ohio now and has graced some baseball cards and was ranked a very low # 25 by USA Today on their countdown. Slider got the honor of being inducted into the Mascot Hall Of Fame in 2008.

# 17

Blooper
Team: Atlanta Braves     Debut: 2018     POP: No     World Series Wins: 3

What can be said about Blooper, the newest mascot on this list, besides I have not seen so much anger and confusion over a mascot in my life.  This poor guy has gotten so much hate from not only MLB fans but also the media! But what really matters is not what none Atlanta Braves fans think and what does is how the home team fans feel about him and they seem to have opened their arms and love him now! This cartoon character looking mascot has all types of ways to make fans laugh and pop that include driving go-carts around, covering players heads under his shirt, dancing around, using a toilet paper gun, taking fake falls and even given out free snacks to fans by stealing it from the venders! And again I think Blooper came at a time of high critical social media and like others on this list he had to fill the shoes of retired former Brave mascots Chief Noc-A-Homa and Homer The Brave and that is hard work to do for any mascot. Blooper has had a small amount of baseball cards made with his image and ranked a # 27 on USA Todays list making him in last place for them. While Blooper does seem like a cheap imitation of the Phillie Phanatic and seems to recycle many of the other mascots bits, I think Blooper over the years will grow into his own and will find the respect of MLB fans.

# 16

Stomper
Team: Oakland Athletics     Debut: 1997     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 9

The Oakland A’s has always been a ball club that has had a tie to Elephants in their logos and in 1997 they unleashed Stomper into their fans and he quickly became a staple for those at the stadium. Stomper is a great mascot as he does all the classic bits from messing with the other team, dancing around, pulling fun pranks on players and fans and even has taken part in Mascot races and boxing matches. By all accounts Stomper is a top notch mascot that embodies the ball clubs spirit and legacy not to even mention he has all the hometown fans and mascot critics loving him. While I feel that he is an icon in MLB mascot history and has graced baseball cards over the decades…I shockingly do like and respect Stomper and his legacy and abilities, but I do find other mascots in baseball to be better and more fun for me and that’s why Stomper is only at # 16 for me. USA Today however gave him their # 10 spot.

# 15

Mr. Met
Team: New York Mets     Debut: 1963     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

Okay I know many of you are ranting right now on how “low” I ranked Mr. Met on my list and I get it as Forbes placed him at # 1, USA Today had him ranked at # 2 and many sports fans say that he is truly the best mascot in baseball history…its just I disagree and that’s why he is only # 15 on my list! So let me first point out why Mr. Met is so iconic to fans and first is that he is a fun looking mascot with a friendly looking baseball for a head, he does a fantastic job of getting the crowd railed up and cheering The Mets on, he is great with the fans and is an attraction in his own right when fans attend a game they look forward to seeing him and lastly he truly is a pop culture icon and is in the Mascot Hall Of Fame (2007 class). Now for my reasons of not being super high on my list is that he is limited in his antics as the giant baseball head makes him unable to pull off normal mascot bits, while his look is fitting for the Mets I do feel that he lacks any real character in appearance as I do feel his actions do have lots of character and to be honest I also I have to say that he just is a clone of Mr. Redlegs (Cincinnati Reds) who was created 10 years before him. One funny Mr. Met moment is when in 2017 a fan recorded the beloved mascot given him the middle finger after a loss for the Mets, that’s right the three fingered icon figured out how to give a rival fan the bird…awesome! Mr. Met of course has graced baseball cards as well as has been on many TV Shows as well as commercials. Keep in mind while Mr. Met is only # 15 for me I still love this mascot and 100% think he is an icon of American culture.

# 14

D. Baxter The Bobcat
Team: Arizona Diamondbacks     Debut: 2000     POP: No     World Series Wins: 1

I feel that D. Baxter The Bobcat is a harshly judged mascot in MLB and for some reason people dislike the characters look and a few even use the word “creepy” when describing him and that word I feel is over used in the internet culture when talking about mascots in not only sports but also fast food. Baxter is great at what he does and his costume allows him to move around way more freely then many of his peers and pull off some great antics and goofy style stunts. His interaction with players and fans is great and he knows what to do to get a laugh, plus he also uses go-carts, costumes, props and other items to enhance his antics. Baxter also does classic dances and in my opinion has a great look for a mascot plus he is fitting for being Arizona’s mascot as bobcats are native to that state plus his name is a play on the teams name and old stadium’s name. Over all I think Baxter is a great mascot who does thinks that many of his fellow baseball mascots cannot do and that’s why he gets my respect. And yep if you are a fan you can get him on many baseball cards and USA Today ranked him a very low # 24 on their countdown.

# 13

Paws
Team: Detroit Tigers     Debut: 1995     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 4

The Detroit Tigers when selecting a mascot new that Paws was the winner, well cause he himself is a tiger! Paws is a very classic looking mascot and while his costume does look a little cheesy and generic, its that simple look that in my opinion works so well as he comes off looking very friendly and also just fits the ball clubs family friendly nature. Paws brings to the table of antics silly dances, costume changes, and even does silly skits to get the laughs. Paws is also very well loved by his home town crowd as he always makes time for them to takes pictures or even give high fives and most important gets them fired up to cheer for The Tigers. Paws to be is a great traditional mascot who is fitting for his team and brings all the entertainment he needs to in order to put smiles on the faces of fans. Paws has of course been on baseball cards for collectors, and USA Today of course rated him really low on their list given him the # 19.

# 12

Mariner Moose
Team: Seattle Mariners     Debut: 1990     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 0

Who don’t love watching a silly moose dance around and do goofy things for a laugh, well the people of Seattle do as their mascot Mariner Moose does just that. Mariner Moose is a mascot who does what he can to get the crowd to laugh and cheer for the home team and is well loved by the fans as they enjoy his antics and style of funny crowd hyping. The Mariner Moose character was created by a young boy when the Mariners wanted a mascot and held a contest, and he was selected from over 25,000 submissions! Mariner Moose’s trademark was roller skating while being pulled by an ATV in the outfield this lasted until 1999, and with a switch of fields Mariner Moose started himself to drive the ATV around to the delight of the fans. Mariner Moose has built himself up as being one of the most popular and well loved mascots in Baseball and fans even have their own ways for cheering him by using their hands as antlers to their heads and Mooing! But while this Moose has graced many of baseball cards over time he did have a bad accident while being pulled by the ATV the lead to him breaking his ankle! Mariner Moose is a true very cool mascot who makes appearances all around Seattle as well as even in Nike Commercial along side Ken Griffey Jr.! USA Today gave the # 11 spot on their MLB Mascot countdown.

# 11

Wally The Green Monster
Team: Boston Red Sox     Debut: 1997     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 9

Wally The Green Monster is a mascot for one of the world’s most popular teams in baseball and he himself has climb to become one of the worlds most loved characters in the sport. Wally is named after the 37-Foot wall in left field at Fenway Park and he himself is said to live at the ballpark inside that very wall as you see Wally is a big mark when it comes to hits and ones that could have and should have been homeruns, but are not cause of his wall home. Wally The Green Monster is great at entertaining the fans and will do what he needs to do to get the laughs, and most important he his top notch to the fans and makes sure that they get that special moment with an interaction with him. Of course the kids in the stadium really love seeing Wally and over time even the adults have come to love him as he leads them in sing alongs and does silly things to entertain them during the seventh-inning stretch. Wally’s look is also great and will remind you of not only a Muppet but also just a classic style 80’s cartoon character and this helps his appeal to ball fans my age. Wally also wins extra points as he ties into the team as the Left-Wall that is painted green is one of the biggest legends of Fenway Park and Wally being the one who has lived inside it for over 50 years makes his legacy also apart of the teams history. Wally of course has graced ball cards and USA Today ranked him # 3 on their list and to be honest I can see why!

# 10

The Swinging Friar
Team: San Diego Padres     Debut: 1958     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 0

For some reason The Swinging Friar has always captured by attention and sense I have been a kid I have been a fan of his look and style and love that his look fits in with the name of the team The Padres. And the cool part about him is over the years his look has changed but his style and name has stayed the same. The Swinging Friar has been a very super popular mascot for Padres fans and really has been with the team forever even starting when they were just a minor league team and followed them up to the pros! Swinging Friar is great with fans and everyone loves meeting him and getting a picture with him and his main attraction is when he swings a giant bat that pops the fans and is his trademark bit. He also at times will change his robe to fit a theme night held at the stadium, helping add to his community love. The Swinging Friar has of course graced baseball cards and ranked # 4 on USA Today’s baseball mascot rankings. Not sure why but I really do dig The Swinging Friar and have lots of respect for his legacy in baseball history.

# 9

Bernie Brewer
Team: Milwaukee Brewers     Debut: 1973     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 0

For many Baseball fans things like hotdogs, peanuts, Cracker Jack and beer go hand and hand with a good time at the ballpark and one mascot really brings the bound of baseball and beer together and that’s Bernie Brewer who’s massive grinning face just screams let’s get drunk, do some silly stuff and have a good time while doing it! Bernie over the years besides being playful with the players and fans was known for sliding into a giant beer glass when a Brewer would hit a home run at a home game, and the fans just ate it up! But over time the giant beer mug slide turned into a slide to a giant home base plate. Bernie does a great job sitting in his own private dugout and getting the crowd to cheer on the Brewers and is one of the ballparks top attractions. Some fun quick facts about Bernie is that he has graced many baseball cards, was forced into retirement in 1984 but by 1993 the fans got their wish and he returned, he was based on a real life fan named Milt Mason who camped out on the scoreboard until at least 40,000 fans would attend a game and was up there for 40 days. Bernie is a fun mascot with a great history of entertaining fans and is an icon that I hope is around forever. USA Today ranked Bernie their # 13 spot.

# 8

Orbit
Team: Houston Astros     Debut: 1990     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 1

Orbit is a master of being a funny, silly and entertaining mascot and knows just how to work the fans to get that laugh! Orbit was the team’s #2 mascot after Chester Charge but to me, he is the most fitting as he his a green alien that plays on the fact Houston was a main hub for NASA back in the day and why not have a baseball loving alien be your teams mascot…am I right? Orbit is super popular and well loved by Astros fans that when the tried to retire him in 2000 with Junction Jack and the fans were not pleased as they did not connect with Jack like they did Orbit, and by 2012 after fans outcries they brought him back home as the mascot where he belongs…now don’t get me wrong, Junction Jack also had his fans he just could not replace the love the fans had for Orbit. The thing that makes Orbit so special is the fact he knows what to do to entertain the fans and that could be silly pranks all the way to his famous silly dances and the fans just eat up his silliness.  Do yourself a favor and look up some of his bits on YouTube to see just how good he is at his job. One thing Orbit is also known for is being thrown out of a game in 1996 after making gestures at the umpire after some bad calls, showing that Orbit is a true fan of the team he represents. Orbit is a cool looking alien with green fur, baseball antennae and has of course been on baseball cards for collectors. USA Today on their countdown gave Orbit the # 17 spot and I feel that is way to low for this guy.

# 7

Fredbird
Team: St. Louis Cardinals     Debut: 1979     POP: No     World Series Wins: 11

Another bird mascot swoops in and takes the # 7 spot and what’s cool about this guy is that he was unleashed the same year I was born! Fredbird is a true icon of mascots and when it comes to antics he brings all the classic bits to the fans the Cardinals as he greets and entertains the kids and young at heart, gives out free t-shirts and merchandise, dances around the stadium and his classic move is called the “beak-ing” where he places his mouth on fans heads and that is the highlights for many fans in the stadium. He also is seen swinging the team’s flag on field during wins, has young women that help him in his antics that are called “Team Fredbird”, he has been a cohost on a kids show on local St. Louis TV, makes hundreds of public appearances at events and most important is one of Baseballs most known and iconic mascots. Fredbird is a true topnotch mascot who brings the fun to the field, and for me his cheesy look just adds to his awesome over nature. Has graced ball cards and USA Today ranked him # 16 on their list.

# 6

Sluggerrr
Team: Kansas City Royals     Debut: 1996     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

Sluggerrr is a very cool looking mascot as he is a muscle bound lion who has a crown for the top of his head and for some reason has always caught by attention as I think he really is one of the coolest looking mascots in Baseball. Sluggerr is an attraction at the Royals games as he does what he can to entertain the crowd by swing around the teams flag, getting the crowds to cheer and even firing free hot dogs into the crowd via a cannon, and speaking of the Hot Dog Cannon at one point Sluggerrr was taken to court over hitting a fan in the eye with a hotdog…or so the guy claimed. Sluggerrr is a mascot who is slightly limited by his costume, but does a great job to work around its limitations and really does a great job of bounding with the fans. And I am sure you longtime baseball fans also get that his name is a reference to a powerful batter and to me that name fits for this characters look, and then his crown being Royal and the Lion is said to be the King Of The Jungle so Sluggerrr to be fits like a glove as the face of this ball club. Sluggerrr has made appearances on cards and USA Today placed him at # 12 on their countdown list. Not going to lie I am a fan of Sluggerrr and think he really is one of the best mascots in baseball based on his look and connection to the teams name. Oh and Sluggerrr was put into the Mascot Hall Of Fame in 2019 showing that he is truly a great sports mascot.

# 5

Mr. Redlegs
Team: Cincinnati Reds     Debut: 1953     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 5

The Cincinnati Reds is not only my local team but are also my favorite team in baseball and over the years I have caught many live games, watched many on TV, listened to several on the radio and heck even one of my friends works for the team! And their mascot Mr. Redlegs is a true legend in our area and is well loved and truly is an attraction when heading to the stadium. Mr. Redlegs has a baseball for a head, has a thick mustache, dresses in the reds old style uniform and was the team’s original mascot and was so popular that he was reintroduced in 2007 after decades of being retired. Mr. Redlegs is great with fans with kids loving him and always wanting high fives and pictures with him, and to entertain and get the laughs he will have races, wave flags, fire water guns, dance and even drive around on a ATV. But while he really is a true icon in Ohio, I have to point out the flaws of Mr. Redlegs and the major flaw is the same thing that effects the likes of Mr. Met and that’s his costume is to top heavy and limits what he can do when it comes to antics! One other thing is that sometimes Mr. Redlegs gets lost in the shuffle at events, as he is joined on the field and stands by Mr. Red, Rosie Red and Gapper all who are as well Reds mascots. But even with his limitations I am a fan of Mr. Redlegs and he is one mascot that I have seen live many times and he has always delivered the fun entertainment. Mr. Redlegs has of course been on baseball cards for fans to collect and USA Today placed him at their # 7 spot for best baseball mascot. See this is proof that so much has went into this rankings as if I was going on just my love for the team the mascot is tied to would have put Mr. Redlegs at my # 1 spot. Ok I have to also tell a funny Mr. Redlegs accident story as in 2008 while driving around on a ATV he fell off the vehicle and the baseball head fell off exposing the actors real head, and a few days later Mr. Redlegs was seen wearing a neck brace to embrace the embarrassing moment and turn it into a funny joke…classic silly comedy stuff.

# 4

Screech
Team: Washington Nationals     Debut: 2005     POP: No     World Series Wins: 1

Call me crazy but for some reason I really like Screech who is the mascot for The Nationals and is so fitting as he is a bold eagle that is our nations bird and the team is out of Washington! Screech by all accounts is very generic looking in appearance and once more suffers from the rented suit from Party City look, but for some reason it just works for him and adds to his awesomeness for me. Screech is great with kids at home games and as well interacts with the fans making him a fan favorite of his hometown crowd. Screech is great with his antics to make the crowd pop and will dance around, does gags, pulls pranks including the classic pie to the face of a “fan”, waves the teams flag and is really great at what he does. And the thing is that fans seem to pop for his antics showing that he really is apart of the Nationals game experience. It’s crazy that such a cheesy mascot has become one of my favorites but he really has captured my attention and is one I hope sticks around for centuries to come. Many ball cards have features Screech and USA Today placed him very low at their # 21 spot, showing that for some reason people show him no respect as while writing this update and doing research I noticed many people seem to be hard on him, but to them I say he his my # 4 favorite!

# 3

Pirate Parrot
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates     Debut: 1979     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 5

The Pirate Parrot is another MLB mascot that made his debut the same year I was born and this funny guy has been a fan favorite for decades now and is truly one of the best of the best when it comes to getting laughs from his antics. The Pirate Parrot is green in color and when he first was hatched, he was more mean in nature and wore sea pirate gear and hats and was leaner, but later he gained weight and traded the real pirate gear for team gear and became more of a goofball looking to get that laugh from fans. The Pirate Parrot is super popular among fans and is embraced by them as he has become one of the best in the business at messing with the other teams players as well as annoying game officials. The Pirate Parrot does all types of antics during a game from shooting free hotdogs into the crowd via a cannon, pulling classic and silly pranks, leading the crowd in cheers and songs, dancing around the dugout and field and just being a total goofball! No joke when watching the Pirate Parrot do his thing I crack a smile and he makes me laugh, and that’s why I think he really is one of the all time greats as his antics really are funny and its crazy that he is not in the Official Mascot Hall Of Fame yet! But while the Pirate Parrot is an icon in my eyes he has had his bad press as back in 1985 the man in the suit was using drugs while playing the character and even was a middle man for hooking up players with cocaine…he was fired and a new guy was hired to be the character. The Pirate Parrot of course has been on trading cards and USA Today put him at their # 9 spot on their countdown. No joke get this guy in the Mascot Hall Of Fame already!

# 2

Phillie Phanatic
Team: Philadelphia Phillies    Debut: 1978     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 2

When people talk about the best arena/stadium mascots of all time, the top of almost everyone’s list is the Phillie Phanatic as he really is iconic and considered one of the best in all of sports. What sets the Phillie Phanatic apart form the rest of the mascots on this list is he was truly the first fuzzy creature to grace a ball field and brings pure joy and entertainment to everyone at the stadium from the cotton candy seller all the way to the first baseman. The Phillie Phanatic is a master of the art of entertaining the crowd and is no joke a true icon of Sport Mascot history and is one of the most loved in any sports! The people of Philadelphia love the Phanatic so much as he really is a major icon of the state and is well loved by young and old as his antics at the ballpark bring so much joy. But because he is so good at his job this has also lead to some drama for the Phillie Phanatic, who is the most sued mascot in sports history as some fans claim injuries from his antics as he also has also really angered players and managers of the teams the Phillies are playing as they find some of what he does to be disrespectful to them. But to be honest those who try and bring the drama are just sticks in the mud and will never bring The Phillie Phanatic down. The Phillie Phanatic was one of the first Sports Mascots to be inducted into The Mascot Hall Of Fame way back in 2005. And in USA Today’s ranking he took their # 1 spot and I can truly understand why as The Phillie Phanatic is awesome!

# 1

The Oriole Bird
Team: Baltimore Orioles     Debut: 1966/1979     POP: Yes     World Series Wins: 3

Hands down for me the best MLB Mascot is The Oriole Bird, and he has been my favorite since I was a kid as his look as always put a smile on my face and I loved that he has the colors of Halloween with black and orange. The Oriole Bird is a mascot who has as well mastered the craft of entertaining the fans and messing with the opposing team. The Oriole Bird brings lots of A-Game material to his antics as he not only dances around all over the ball field, he interacts with players and fans and does a great job with the youngsters, does funny skits that he as well can be the butt of the jokes, of course he does the “beak-ing” spot, hiding baseballs in his mouth, but he is also known for shaking his tail feathers at the crowd and players that always seems to get a pop from the fans. While the walk around mascot did not show up until 1979 (hey that’s the year I was born!) his smug smiling face has been on the teams cap sense 1966 making him a truly iconic and long lasting mascot of the sport. Another thing about The Oriole Bird is he looks like he is always having a blast wherever he is, be it at the stadium or at a public appearance, and it’s crazy as he also seems to always be able to show emotion with the face, and that’s hard to do for sure. Another thing I am going to point out is that The Oriole Bird also does it right when it comes to social media as he posts on his sites and keeps people laughing and builds that bound with his fans. USA Today ranked him at the # 5 spot on their countdown list and The Oriole Bird made it into the Mascot Hall Of Fame in 2020, and his induction was long overdue. And for me The Oriole Bird really is the best MLB Mascot and that’s why he has taken my # 1 spot on this countdown list!

This list was a blast to put together and was a great excuse to watch old YouTube videos of these mascots in action as well as gave me even more reasons to watch more Baseball games…as its crazy in my old age I am starting to become a full fledge baseball fan. And if you are wondering my top 4 favorite teams are the following in order Cincinnati Reds, Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Indians and Toronto Blue Jays. Plus I have to be honest the Reds and Orioles are on the same level as I love the Reds cause they are my home team and I have history with them by attending games and collecting the team sets and the Orioles are a team I just enjoy watching. I also have to give a shout out to The Dayton Dragons, a Class A team that I use to live by their stadium and have caught games of from time to time. And because I had a great time writing this Mascot Countdown I may just do more on future updates as I could cover Retired MLB Mascots, NFL Mascots, NHL Mascots, College Football Mascots and even Fast Food Mascots…but we will see if you readers enjoy this one. For my next update we will be continuing our look at iconic Horror Hosts and for the next one we will be talking about Gorgon The Gruesome of Nightmare that aired in Texas. So until next time, read a comic or three, watch a sports game or two and as always support your local Horror Host. See you next time for a Gruesome Nightmare!

Horror Host Icon: Rocky Rococo

Welcome back to Rotten Ink! One thing that goes hand and hand with late night watching of Horror Hosts is a good old pizza pie! That’s right, sitting back with the lights turned down watching your favorite host deliver some laughs alongside the horrors on the small screen all the while munching down on a slice was a way of life for many monster kids over the ages. But what if the world of Horror Hosting and the world of pizza combined and made a show that was like no other? For the folks of Wisconsin this was reality as the restaurant Rocky Rococo brought viewers Masterpizza Theatre, hosted by Rocky Rococo himself, and delivered good times to those who tuned in. So for this update, it’s with great honor that I bring to you Horror Host Icon: Rocky Rococo. Make sure to get some pizza by the slice and enjoy this quick and fun update. Also this is my second Horror Host Icon update of this year to celebrate the 10^th Year Of The Horror Host Hall Of Fame!

Rocky Rococo was born in New Jersey in 1948 and got his love of pizza from his mother and even spent time pushing a food cart in the streets selling pizza by the slice to hungry Jersey residents, all the while wearing down his shoes and making money for his family. Rocky did this for 20 years and decided to leave real pizza behind for a while and spent sometime selling pizza peels for ovens, selling coupons & encyclopedia books as well as running the ring the bell game for a traveling carnival! While selling the pizza peels he ended up in lots of pizza restaurants trying many different styles and while he enjoyed them, he knew he could do better…and in 1974, he proved it when he opened his own restaurant in Madison, Wisconsin and like that, Rocky Rococo became a pizza juggernaut. Rocky is a white suit wearing, wise guy talking, sunglass wearing, pizza loving nice guy who really does enjoy selling pizza by the slice. Rocky is also married to Bess Quality, and together they have one child named Dinah Mite Rococo. Besides selling pizza by the slice, Rocky also really enjoyed rapping, meeting with fans and of course hosting cheesy films for viewers. His hosting style was very fun and upbeat, and he would do skits and such in-between. While Rocky Rococo might not be a household name when it comes to Horror Hosting, he did make his mark and made a major splash in Wisconsin not only with his show MasterPizza Theatre but also with his amazing restaurants.

Rocky Rococo and his MasterPizza Theatre started in the 1990’s and was a way for the pizza chain to showcase their food as well as have their mascot host all types of cheesy family friendly films. The show was viewed late night on Fox 47 in the fine state of Wisconsin and was a fun treat to viewers. The show would feature fun and goofy breaks featuring Rocky and was filmed in the chains restaurants and would have fellow “workers” as people around him all the while promoting the pizza and salad bars they had. They would also feature comedians as well as musical and dancing bits and all the while Rocky would have a smile on his face. MasterPizza Theatre had a fantastic and super fun vibe and was a smart why to not only entertain but also showcase the food they could get for lunch and dinner, I for one would have had friends over and ordered a couple of pizzas from Rocky Rococos and had a movie night when the show was on air…that is if I lived in Wisconsin during this shows run on TV. While MasterPizza Theatre might not be a massive household name when it comes to Horror Host shows and while Rocky Rococo is more known as a mascot for a fast food pizza place then a Horror Host…they both made an impact in the world of Horror Hosting and meant something to the viewers.

James Martin Pedersen was the actor who played Rocky Rococo and was in fact the whole face of the pizza brand as he starred not only in MasterPizza Theatre but also was in their commercials as well as in their logo. James Martin Pedersen was very well loved in Wisconsin and was by all accounts an icon of the state’s culture. But sadly James passed away on February 6, 2016, and this was indeed a sad day for fans. With his passing the people of Rocky Rococo Pizza, his fans, pizza lovers and of course his family suffered a big loss. While he is gone, the icon that is Rocky Rococo will live on forever.

I first found out about MasterPizza Theater in 2019 when the man Rocky Rococo was suggested to be considered for a future Horror Host Hall Of Fame ballot, and after getting an episode I myself became a fan of Rocky as a Horror Host as I found his style silly and very fun and I can see why the state of Wisconsin loved him so much. What was so surprising is that Rocky Rococo, who was a fast food pizza joint mascot, worked really well as a movie host, and of course it was a great way to make viewers and myself crave some pizza as they clearly used the show as one giant commercial. The thing that really made this show work was Rocky Rococo himself as he is just such a fun character who had such a fun loving attitude as well as seemed like a cartoon character come to life. I am sure some viewers at the time would get annoyed at all the plugs for the types of pizza they had on the menu, but to me that just added to the over all good natured charm. I feel that many local TV stations are missing the boat nowadays by not featuring a local or even syndicated Horror Host on their networks. I mean sure some are lucky to have a Host from their neck of the woods on broadcast TV and all those who get ME-TV get Svengoolie…but to me this is sadly not enough and as you fans of Horror Hosts know streaming services are delivering the hosting goods as Joe Bob Briggs is on Shudder and for awhile Mystery Science Theater 3000 returned on Netflix…while stations like USA Network, TNT, TBS and our local stations like Channel 22 are just playing terrible reruns of crime shows and could bring back the likes of Up All Night, Monstervision, Super Scary Saturday and Shock Theater. In other words the world needs more fun Horror Host shows like MasterPizza Theatre and hosts like Rocky Rococo.

Here in Ohio, we have no Rocky Rococo’s anymore due to the fact our state just didn’t support it when they did take a chance. Ohio, believe it or not, is a state that is filled with many pizza restaurants with some of Dayton’s most popular being ones like Marion’s Piazza, Cassano’s Pizza King, The Pizza Bandit, Flying Pizza, Happy’s Pizza, Troni’s, Cousin Vinny’s, Jet’s Pizza and The Pizza Factory. But to do this Horror Host Icon update right, Juliet and I knew we had to drive over 6hrs away to have a meal at the closest Rocky Rococo’s to us…well that was until the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 that put a big damper on our plans and canceled our trip to Racine, WI to have a slice of Rocky Rococo pizza along with our pals Scott Scarborough and Damien Brunk. Now I cannot complain too much as safety during these times should come first, and while I really wanted a piece of pizza from Rocky, it was just not meant to be. Once things get back to normal, Juliet and I will try and make this quest, and I will update this Horror Host Icon update with it!

So as you can see, Rocky Rococo pizza is pretty tasty treat for fans of the pizza chain, and now we are at the point of this update where I will take a look at the episode I have of MasterPizza Theater. I only have one episode, and I want to thank Horror Host Freakshow for hooking me up with it. I want to remind you that I will not be giving this episode a star rating and I will be taking the film’s write up from IMDB and will be writing the host segments breakdown myself. So grab a pizza by the slice, and let’s see what MasterPizza Theatre has to offer.

MasterPizza Theatre: Stoogemania
Starring – Josh Mostel & Victoria Jackson     Rated PG      1986

Host: Rocky Rococo opens the show at one of the restaurants and before we start the first part of the movie, we go to a music video with a song by Rocky who talks about the Pizza Blues. Next is a storybook skit about pizza told by Patsy and then Rocky talks about his birthday bash and a sale they have going on. Rocky next brings in a comedian named Dave to do a quick stand up act for the people in the studio of MasterPizza Theatre. And then Rocky once more promotes his pizza and then Dave returns with more comedy in a Twilight Zone skit. Next are fans trying to do lines for a Rocky Rococo Pizza Commercial, and they are all terrible. Rocky then introduces a new segment he calls “Guys That Can’t Rap” and two terrible guys try to rap and dance…and they are bad. In the end Rocky comes out and thanks the cast and crew plus the viewers and the janitor comes in to clean up. Oh and I should say throughout is commercials for Rocky Rococo Pizza!

Movie: The film centers on Howard F. Howard, an overweight everyman. Engaged to Beverly, the woman of his dreams, Howard has one problem – an overactive fixation with The Three Stooges. Everywhere Howard goes, he sees Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard intruding on his life. Determined to overcome his fixation, Howard and Beverly prepare for their wedding. But on his way to the ceremony, Howard descends into Stoogemania and finds himself walking into the city streets with other Stoogemaniacs. His only hope is commitment to the Stooge Hills sanitarium, under the care of a renowned psychologist, until the inmates take over the asylum on graduation day.

Rocky Rococo and MasterPizza Theatre is a great example of how a business can develop a Horror Host program, deliver family entertainment by choosing mostly comedies and old horror films with gorillas, all the while making them hungry for a slice or your company’s pizza or even a salad from your salad bar. I am really happy that Freakshow introduced me to this show as this was lots of fun and made a fan out of me. And I am going to do my best to track down more episodes of MasterPizza Theatre and when I find them, I will add them to this update…so make sure to check back and see! For our next update, we will be walking away from Rocky Rococo and Horror Hosting for the time being as we will be trading Pizza for a look at Fast Food Seafood as I will be covering the free promo comics from Captain D’s. So until next time, read a comic or three, watch a movie or two and as always support your local Horror Host. See you next update for a greasy fried fish good time!

The Super Powered Cow Heroes Of Chick-fil-A!

Welcome back to Rotten Ink, can I take your order? Wait what am I saying!? I am in the mood to talk Fast Food again, and this time around we are leaving McDonalds, Dominos and KFC behind and will be looking at the chicken place Chick-Fil-A and their kid’s meal comics called “Amazing Cow Heroes” that features super powered cows who want the world to eat more chicken! In this update we will be taking a look at not only the comics they made but also the history of the company, its founder, their mascots and of course I will eat a meal from there and review it as well! So if you’re ready to once more dive into the greasy world of fast food restaurants, let’s slide our way into Chick-fil-A and see why this is Americas favorite chicken place.

So let’s start by taken a look at Samuel Truett Cathy, who was the founder of Chick-fil-A and was more than just a man who wanted to sell chicken sandwiches! Samuel was born on March 14, 1921 in Eatonton, Georgia and when older went to Boys High School in Atlanta. Once able, he joined the army and survived during World War II. Once back he opened his first restaurant in Atlanta called the “Dwarf Grill” and while the owner he and his brother Ben created what would be the signature chicken sandwich for the chain of restaurants they would call “Chick-fil-A”! And in 1948, he married his wife Jeannette and had a total of three children all of whom now own and run his chicken empire. Samuel was also a very religious man and was a Baptist who taught Sunday School for 50 years at the First Baptist Church in Jonesboro. He made it that his Chick-fil-A as well as his pizza place called “Upscale Pizza” closed on Sundays in order for workers to spend time with their families as well as attend church. He also had scholarships for his workers and was given many awards over the years like President’s Call to Service Award and he was named a Georgia Trustee! He also wrote five books and even became a motivational speaker and was well respected by his friends, family and community. And in 2013, he retired from being the CEO and chairman of Chick-fil-A and turned it over to his son Dan. Sadly Samuel passed away on September 8, 2014 at the age of 93 from complications from diabetes and so ended his legacy of being a visionary when it came to fast food. During his lifetime, Samuel built himself an empire of chicken and even pushed that all his restaurants food quality be very high and never settled for processed and low-grade food. While some people judge him for his overly religious views and how that’s reflected in the current Chick-fil-A, the one thing many of us can agree on is that their chicken sandwiches are pretty dang good.

Chick-fil-A was created as its own brand in 1967 and was an offshoot of a restaurant called Dwarf Grill both created by Samuel Truett Cathy who used a pressure cooker for his chicken that would rival the cook time of any burger place. Many people may not know that the first Chick-fil-A was in the Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta, and from there, the expanded and wound up in many malls all over the USA making them a must eat for many mall goers. The first stand-alone store was in Atlanta as well and opened on North Druid Hills Road in 1986, and this helped spark them to grow even more. And besides malls and stand alone restaurants, Chick-fil-A is now in hospitals, colleges and airports making it a very popular place to eat for people in a hurry. Over the years Chick-fil-A has dug its claws into the world of fast food chicken and has taken the lead money maker in that fast food fight and has made KFC have to step up their game and has left “Lees Famous Recipe”, “Krispy Krunchy Chicken” and “Popeye’s Chicken” way behind when coming to bringing in money. But while they are a very popular chicken restaurant, they have also had their share of issues with fast food eaters and people in general as they have been questioned about the ingredients of their food as well as the use of antibiotics in their poultry, all things they are claiming to be fixing or have fixed. But the biggest hit against them comes from their stance on same sex marriage and LGBTQ rights, and current owner Dan Cathy has gone on the record denouncing marriage equality as well as had their company donate to many anti-LGBTQ churches and groups. This, of course, sparked heat on them as people are upset that a Fast Food place would take a stand that would deny human rights, while other sides were proud that they stood strong in the religious beliefs that their company was founded on. While nothing has been really settled about their political agenda, Chick-fil-A continues to be a money making fast food place who for a short time after marriage equality became federal law tried to distance themselves from political issues. But let’s move away from that as Rotten Ink is about fun and not politics and religion which seems to be the source of lots of anger. As of today they have over 2,200 stores and plans for more in the cards, not to mention they are a company worth billions of dollars! If you like chicken sandwiches, they are a place to go…unless it’s Sunday…then you will have to go elsewhere for your fast food.

Here in the Dayton, Ohio area the Chick-fil-A that I knew of was in the Dayton Mall and is still there to this day in 2019! And I can remember eating there when I was a youngster with my parents as well as cousins and always enjoyed their waffle fries and a chicken sandwich with cheese. Over the years now they have gone into all our indoor malls as well as stand alone restaurants have popped up, and I have found myself eating at them more often than before because of co-workers at work who enjoy them and one of my ex-girlfriends also really enjoyed them. So for this update I am going to go and get myself a meal from there and grade it! For this update I ordered myself a Chicken Sandwich with Cheese and a large order of Waffle Fries with a chocolate milkshake to drink from the location that was near Town N Country on September 18, 2018. I will grade this meal on a scale from 1-4 stars and keep in mind this scale is based on fast food level and not on the scale for a good home cooked meal or a higher end restaurant. So let’s start with the chocolate milk shake that was well made and had a rich taste with a fresh taste, I would gave it 3 stars as it was very tasty! The waffle fries that normally are my favorite part of the meal at Chick-fil-A this time around were a little bit of a letdown as they were just kind of bland and I even had to use Texas Pete to spice them up and give them a little more taste, I would give them 2 stars for this visit. Now the main event is the chicken sandwich with cheese and pickles, and man I have to say this was one tasty juicy sandwich that gets a 3 ½ star rating from this comic reader as the taste was top notch and the mix of chicken, pickles and cheese was a great combination. Oh and I would say the over all experience at the restaurant would be 3 stars as it was a nice and clean and the workers were all nice people and did their jobs well. Over all I would say this was a good meal from a place that does chicken sandwiches right.

Most fast food places have a mascot like Burger King has the Magical Burger King, McDonalds has Ronald and Dominos had The Noid to name a very few, and Chick-fil-A is no different as they have Cows as theirs….yep cows….beef….and the slogan “Eat Mor Chikin” was made for them as they want you to stop eating burgers and eat chicken instead. These cows are always trying to warn and get their message across that red meat is not good and chicken is tasty! It also seems like their main target is “McDonalds” that is called “Circus Burgers” in their world. These cows do silly things in the commercials from stealing fast food burgers from humans all the way to interrupting football games with their messages. The thing that sets the Chick-fil-A Cows apart from most other fast food mascots is that they are not just geared toward youngsters but are fun and silly for all ages. But while they are meant for all ages, this also makes them a little less fun and iconic as the other mascots meant for kids as they are nowhere near as iconic as Ronald McDonald, but I would say they are on par with Mr. Delicious from Rax who was also more geared toward all ages. But while they might not be that colorful or over the top entertaining, they still have made their mark on the world of fast food advertisement and many fast food eaters know who they are and have enjoyed them over the years.

I want to also bring to you reader’s attention that the superheroes the Amazing Cow Heroes were pretty popular, and Chick-fil-A really pushed them hard by making not only the comic books but also a t-shirt and wall calendar! They even had them in a few commercials showing that they really did stand behind their heroes. It would have been crazy if this group of cows ended up taking off and taking the comic world by storm…would we be all flocking to theaters to see the newest CFA Properties Inc. shared universe movie? Would Netflix have a show based on Cold Cuts that millions would binge watch? And would Hasbro be releasing action figures of the Gristle Missile! All these questions could have had the answer yes if only Amazing Cows would have hit it big with comic readers.

So now that we have taken a look at Chick-fil-A as a restaurant, their cow mascots and even their founder S. Truett Cathy, it’s that the time we take a look at the comic books based on their cows who are now superheroes! These comics were promos in their kids meals and started in 2010 with a total of five issues, and then in 2012 it came back for another five issues. The first five issues are adventures of a single cow, and think of them as the “Marvel Premiere” issues as they showcase our cast of heroes with the last five being more like “Marvel Team Up” as it pairs two of them together in an adventure. So for this update I decided to only cover the first five issues as they seemed like the more fun ones plus they all had amazing and silly covers as you will soon see, plus for some reason these comics are pretty pricy for something so silly. I want to thank Mavericks Cards And Comic as well as Amazon for having these issues in stock for making this update possible. And these cows are standing next to me and want me to remind you that I grade these issues on a star scale of 1 to 4 and you are looking for how well the comic stays to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story. And I should say these are first time reads for me and my first impression is that I am going to dig Gristle Missile the most. So if you’re ready, let’s eat a chicken sandwich and take a look at these super powered cows brought to us by Chick-fil-A!

Amazing Cow Heroes # 1  **1/2
Released in 2010      Cover Price $0.00      CFA Properties Inc.      # 1 of 10

Sir Brisket, the owner of Royale Beef Buffet has a sinister plan to set free a cloud that will make the people of Burgerburgh crave only burgers from his restaurant, and this evil plan is being carried out by burger robots! But before this plan can happen, cow hero deciBell and her super sonic moo saves the day and defeats the burger bots and destroyes the cloud machine. The cops and deciBell are clueless to what fast food burger place had this plot at hand and deciBell finds some scrap metal from the machine and decided to run some tests on it to find the mastermind behind this plot! Meanwhile King Brisket is ragging mad at his plot failing as he wanted to make tons of cash and his sidekick Amazing Merloin has a magic lasso that he can use on people and make them crave burgers from their restaurant, and they start using it on the good people in town. Meanwhile deciBell finds BBQ sauce on the metal and traces it back to King Brisket and she informs the cops who head to Royale Beef Buffet as does she. But when she gets there, to her horror, the cops are all eating burgers as is the good people of Burgerburgh as the lasso has turned them all into mindless red meat eaters! deciBell does what she knows will work and that’s sonic moo at them all and it breaks the trance, and she along with the cops head towards Sir Briskets homebase and bust him, but not before he himself is lassoed by accident and now craves chicken sandwiches!

Wow, this was a silly read and yet I found myself enjoying this kids comic as I feel like it fits perfectly with many of the comics that Archie, Harvey and even Star released in the 80’s and early 90’s. The plot is very simple and has our super sonic voiced cow hero deciBell stopping plots by a greedy fast food burger tyrant that only cares about money and not the food he is making for people to eat. The Amazing Cow Hero we meet in this first issue is deciBell who has the power of a sonic moo that can defeat enemies as well as break trances and brainwashing people are under. She is also super smart and can run analyzes on clues as well as can drive a van. Her goal is to protect the good people of Burgerburgh and to spread the word that people should eat more chicken. Our main villain is Sir Brisket, a fat mascot and owner of a fast food burger place that really loves money and will do under handed and illegal things to make people crave and eat at his restaurant and is a parody clearly of the Magical Burger King and maybe even a little Roy Rogers thrown in as he owned a chain of Roast Beef food chains. Sir Brisket is also surrounded by other weird characters that are a mix of medieval and cowboys including the even more goofy Amazing Merloin! No joke, while the story is very cheesy, it does serve a purpose as making a cow a likable hero could turn young readers away from eating red meat as it humanizes and gives cows a bigger more lovable personality and pushes for them to eat chicken. The cover is great and also for some reason reminds me of a milk ad and for a kids meal promo comic cover, it’s pretty eye catching. The interior art is done by Jason Howard who many of you comic readers might know from his work on the Image Comic series Amazing Wolf-Man, and his art is really good and fitting for this type of kids comic. Over all this is a great start for a comic series given away by a fast food chicken joint.

Amazing Cow Heroes # 2  **
Released in 2010     Cover Price $0.00     CFA Properties Inc.     # 2 of 10

A cow is involved in a very bad tractor accident that leaves her head and limbs damaged. Her owner Dr. Waffl Frize rebuilds her using parts on an old broke down mechanical bull turning her into Cowborg, a half cow and half machine creature who has powers beyond any normal cows including super jumps and the power to lift things with her fake eye! Dr. Waffl Frize and Cowborg decide to go to the county fair and enter the cow judging contest, and there they meet the evil The Judge who disqualifies her and then fails all the other cows and tries to steal them to turn into hamburger meat! And while the townsfolk are in an uproar Cowborg goes into action and has to save the people on a ferries wheel that The Judge has sabotaged as well a stop a rampaging monster truck! Finally Cowborg is able to track down The Judge and save the cows from the slaughter and have this crooked crook judge arrested.

This second issue is just as silly as the first and has the plot of a cow that is rebuilt with mechanical parts and given super powers having to save other cows from being kidnapped and turned into hamburgers! Our Cow Hero in this issue is Cowborg who is clearly based off DC Comics Cyborg with a little of TV’s Six Million Dollar Man thrown in. Her superpowers are she is able to run fast, jump super high and far, freeze things, short out wires and has a tractor beam eye. While Cowborg is cool, she is also lacking a personality like deciBell and seems to come off kind of you know robotic. Her owner Dr. Waffl Frize is a goof who clearly cares about cows as imagine all the hard work and money that was spent to turn one injured cow into a superhero. The Judge is a bad guy who has a big ego and seems to enjoy bulling others and really just wants to make money on selling stolen cows for their meat, and he doesn’t mind injuring and possibly killing people to get what he wants. This issue does have a great kids comic vibe I just found it to be a little slower and lacking slightly in the charm department. The cover is good and looks more like a poster and not a comic cover, and the interior art is solid and is done by Dan Panosian who is known for his work with Marvel Comics and heroes like Hulk, Conan and Iron Man. Over all it’s a good silly read that is nothing special and is used to spread the message of red meat is bad and chicken is good.

Amazing Cow Heroes # 3  *
Released in 2010     Cover Price $0.00     CFA Properties Inc.     # 3 of 10

All across America hamburgers from Circus Burger have become missing off the company’s grills as well as out of customers hands! And the CEO Seymor Greez of the company decides to send in three clowns to solve the mystery, and they find out that the cow hero Swatter is to blame. Seymor hires a pair of rodeo clowns, and they are able to sneak attack Swatter and tie up his tail that leaves him captive and at the mercy of Circus Burger. Seymor ends up having a big circus event in town and uses the captured cow hero as the main attraction as he is going to force him to do the trapeze with no net and his tail still tied up! As the evil CEO pushes Swatter off the platform, our hero’s tail becomes untied and he is able to pull off some amazing stunts and even leave a message drawn on the ground by his tail that says “Eat Mor Chikin”!

This superhero cow adventure kids comic is sadly not all that good and is really bland and kind of boring. The plot of this issue has Swatter, a cow hero stealing grills and burgers from people at Circus Burger with his super long and fast tail, and this makes the CEO mad who ends up kidnapping the cow hero and tries to force him to do a stunt and die in front of a crowd of people…only for his plot to fail. Swatter is thus far the only male hero in our comic series, and I guess he should be call Amazing Bull Hero! His superpower is that he has a long tail that he can use as a whip…yep, that’s it. The main bad guy is Seymor Greez, who is the CEO of Circus Burgers who has hired clowns as goons and doesn’t mind taking an animal and trying to make it have an accident in front of a ton of families who came to a circus for good times! So think about that, this guy wants kids to watch a cow fall from the sky and splat on the ground. This guy could be the worst in our villains thus far as he is cold blooded, not only to cows but other humans. Over all not much to say about this issue besides it was pretty lame and not much adventure goes on in it. Oh and it’s clear that this one is making fun of McDonalds. The cover is good, and Gregg Schigiel who is known for his work on Spider-Man for Marvel and is just okay in this comic as its nothing special does the interior art. So with that, let’s move onto issue four and see if they can get this moootastic series back on track.

Amazing Cow Heroes # 4  **
Released in 2010     Cover Price $0.00     CFA Properties Inc.     # 4 of 10

A massive ship at sea is caught in a terrible thunderstorm and lightning hits the side of the ship causing a hole, and one of the cows being shipped falls through it and is left to freeze in the water. Once the cow turns into a solid block of ice, a whale helps get her to land and penguins unfreeze her and give her a superhero suit as now her breath can freeze things and she is now known as Cold Cuts! While mastering her powers she even saves her new friends the penguins from a hungry seal by freezing it and knows she must find the ship she fell from so she can save her friends from becoming people’s dinners. Cold Cuts uses her ice breath to build an ice bridge and catches up with the ship and takes down the captain and his crew and frees her friends and sails the ship back home as her mission is clear and that’s to spread the word that people need to eat more chicken.

This is another fun but average kids comic featuring the hero cows of Chick-fil-A who really are trying their best to make kids fall in love with cows so they will stop eating at McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s and other fast food burger places. This issue’s plot is bare bones and has a cow freezing and getting powers to freeze other things with her breath stopping a ship filled with cows who are slated to be killed for their meat. Cold Cuts is very much inspired by Marvel Comics Iceman and can use her breath to not only freeze objects and people but also can use it to communicate and tell a story. She is a pretty cool cow hero and one of the better ones thus far behind deciBell. The bad guys in the issue are the ship’s crew but they put up no fight and are super weak and are defeated really fast. I dig the idea of Cold Cuts’ friends being penguins and that at the end of the issue she is steering the ship…I just picture her still lost at sea as clearly she can not read a compass! The issue is over all pretty good but really gives not much to talk about as it’s so simple and only has two real messages and that’s eat more chicken and be a good person. The cover is pretty great and eye catching, and the interior art is done by John Sprengelmeyer and is good as you might know his work for well Chick-fil-A! Over all fun kids comic read and showcases cows can be heroes!

Amazing Cow Heroes # 5  **
Released in 2010      Cover Price $0.00     CFA Properties Inc.     # 5 of 10

As a young calf, Gristle Missile came in contact with a meteor from space and gained the ability to run super fast! Once grown up he has had enough as his owner the farmer is grilling out hamburgers and he decides to zoom by and take them as well as leave a message for him to eat more chicken! The farmer is mad and gets on his lawnmower and starts to chase the Gristle Missile who makes the run of his life as he zooms past race horses and wins the big one. He then zooms past a cop who joins the chase and he is able to out run them all! Once away from the farm, he knows his mission in life is to stop people from eating burgers and sets his sight on Beefytown Burger and always steals all their meat! Well they set a trap for him that backfires as Gristle Missile escapes it and saves the day by taking down the Beefytown Owner and exposing his plan to take over the town! In the end Gristle Missile gets the key to the city and is the town’s savior.

This 5^th issue in Amazing Cow Heroes not only shows our second male hero but also is a pretty solid kids comic issue that features a hero who means business when it comes to people not eating red meat! The plot has a cow getting super powers from a meteor that allows him to run super fast and this scares evil people who push hamburgers on people as his goal is to make sure they don’t! Gristle Missile is silent yet super cool as I think he is my favorite of the cow heroes as his speed is like The Flash and he has a go get them attitude and really hates hamburgers. Plus he doesn’t treat people like the enemy only the meat is. The issue’s main bad guys are the Beefytown people as they push terrible burgers on people and are placing restaurants all over town with the goal being to over run and take over, plus I think they really hate Gristle Missile as he steals their meat giving new life to the saying “Where’s the Beef?” that Wendy’s made popular in the 80’s. So while the plot is pretty standard, the over all feel has a nice mix of Fast Food Promo Comic and Kids Comic making it a fun and enjoyable read for youngsters and the young at heart. The cover is eyecatching and reminds me of a Flash cover with the interior art being good and done by Josh Adams. Over all a great comic to end our look at Chick-fil-A comics on and is one I enjoyed. As I said before, this comic series has five more issues but they are team up issues and I only wanted to cover the solo issues so if you have any interest make sure to track them down. Below is some art from some of the first five issues so you can get a feeling for the series.

So as you can see, Chick-fil-A entered the world of fast food promo comics and over all did not do that bad of a job bringing enjoyable kids comics to readers. In fact, I would like to see them return and offer more solo Amazing Cow Adventures featuring new super powered cows done by new artist and writers. But I think it’s time we leave the world of greasy fast food behind and take a look a classic Horror Movie character! Yep, we will be taken a look at The Hunchback From Notre Dame from the 1956 version! So until next time Eat More Chicken, Read a comic or two and as always support your local Horror Host. See you next time for a bell ringing good time!

McGruff Takes A Bite Out Of Comics!

Welcome back to Rotten Ink.  One thing we all know is that crime doesn’t pay.  Sooner or later if you lie, cheat, steal or kill you’re going to be caught and punished for your crime…well most the time…I mean the original Night Stalker, Zodiac Killer, The Phantom Killer Of Texarkana and many other baddies have never seen justice, but times have changed and so have crime stopping technics and some of the times people get caught. Okay I’ll say it, growing up I really did think that the police and FBI would solve almost every crime and that bad people would get what’s coming to them. Now, as an adult, I believe that not every crime gets solved but many of them do thanks to the hard work of law enforcement. Some of the leading factors for me to think that criminals always get what’s coming to them were characters like Dick Tracy, Batman, Robocop, Officer Carey Mahoney, Inspector Gadget and McGruff The Crime Dog who would all tell me about crime on TV, Radio, Comics, Movies and even in person when talking about McGruff! So for this update we are going to have a Rotten Ink Neighborhood Watch And Read as we take a look at a promo comic featuring McGruff as well as quickly look at this crime dog’s history and connections to my life. So get your peepers peeping and your jaw working as we take a Bite Out Of Crime and flip the pages of a comic.

McGruff The Crime Dog was created by Dancer Fitzgerald Sample via the Ad Council for the government in 1980 to help educate kids about the dangers of crime and drugs. His name was created by New Orleans police officer John Isbell who won a contest, and with this McGruff and his saying “Take A Bite Out Of Crime” were unleashed on the public via billboards, radio and TV ads. The response to this cartoon dog in a trench coat was overwhelmingly positive with his anti crime messages helping kids learn that crime is not cool and to trust their local police as well as no to do drugs. His impact was felt as many of Americans had seen and took action via his PSA’s and with most people polled McGruff was a favored mascot at the early stages of his appearances with only a very small amount not liking him as they thought he was too cartoonish. Over the years McGruff was used to make people aware of such things as the dangers of drugs, stranger danger and how to take steps to make your house safe from burglars. In the late 90’s his young nephew Scruff was added to the PSAs in order to add a more kid appeal to the messages and to make him more modern in his surroundings. Also during his spotlight time, actors in McGruff costumes would visit schools with law enforcement officers as well as lots of cool items were made with McGruff’s image like comics, stuffed dolls, t-shirts, posters, jackets, bags, buttons and more. While in 2018, McGruff has slowly been pushed to the back of the mainstream attention, his appearance and messages are still being taught to this day. So here is to you McGruff, for all your years teaching kids and people that crime don’t pay and how to be safe and live your life right.

Growing up during the 80’s and 90’s was a great time, and Saturday’s meant cartoons, Horror Hosts, wrestling and Horror Movies as the TV airwaves were flooded with amazing broadcasts. And while watching cartoons I can remember seeing lots and lots of PSA’s from McGruff, and I can remember him telling me to stay away from drugs and JUST SAY NO. I can remember him trying to warn me not to talk to strangers. And then in the late 90’s when I was a late teen, I can remember them also adding McGruff’s nephew Scruff to have the youngster to tell us about stopping crime and to do the right thing. It’s funny that PSA’s that were sandwiched between toy commercials and breakfast cereal ads are things that I fondly remember about my cartoon watching on Saturdays. Again I have to ask, why are CBS, NBC and FOX out of the Saturday Morning Cartoon business? I understand that Cartoon Network, Disney and Nickelodeon run cartoon and youngster programing all day but the basic networks could step up and deliver quality cartoons that are just for their station that could draw in young viewers. But I will move on from my dislike for the end of Saturday Morning cartoons and say that while the PSAs would be very dated in 2018, I for one grew up and listened to what McGruff had to tell me.

When I was a kid growing up in Waynesville, our school did lots of cool field trips and had lots of cool guest speakers to teach and educate my fellow classmates and myself about all types of topics from the joys of reading to listening to actor Robert V. Barron (or so we were told) dressed as Abraham Lincoln telling us about the life of our 16^th President…not to mention that we also got to meet Miss Ohio and Ronald McDonald at a field trip and both were super cool and nice people and bless them for putting up with a bunch of bratty kids running wild at a park. But one of the coolest guests was McGruff The Crime Dog who came in with an officer to talk to us all about Stranger Danger.  It was all standard stuff about not getting into cars with strangers and not taking candy from them as well. Of course the officer did all the talking, as McGruff was a man in a walk-around costume who would do all his talking with body actions. They showed us some videos that had PSA’s and such, and after it was all over, they gave out plastic police badges that had McGruff on it! All of us guys took our plastic badges and wore them during the day, and I could not wait to get it home and show my brother who also thought it was pretty cool. Sadly I don’t have the plastic badge anymore, and I could not tell you what happened to it, but if I had to guess I sold it at a garage sale or gave it to my cousins. Below is a picture of one of the McGruff badges that looked kind of like the one I had as a kid. Oh yeah and I can also remember one year using a Halloween trick or treat bag that had McGruff on it that was green!

I love classic mascots, and I really do think that one of the best from my generation is McGruff as he was such a great character back then and is still used to this day showing that he is a true icon of pop culture and Americana. And while they have slowed down using him and his last major TV push was to push car insurance for GEICO, he still is a great tool to let people know that they need to stop crime. I want to thank Bell, Book And Comic for having this comic in stock, and I want to remind all you readers that I grade these on a star scale of 1 to 4 and am looking for how well the comic stays to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story. So lets take to the streets and see what McGruff has in store for us and what kind of crime he is going to warn us about in this comic book adventure.

McGruff’s Surprise Party # 1   **1/2
Released in 1989     Cover Price FREE     U.S. Government     # 1 of 1

McGruff The Crime Dog is hanging out with a group of kids and asks them to help throw a surprise party for a friend as he wants to teach them to say no to drugs! As the kids run off to get board games and popcorn, Sarah, one of youngsters, asks McGruff why should people say No To Drugs. He calls back the rest of her peers, and they share facts about drugs and this is all Sarah has to hear and she now understands. The boys split off from the girls and go to the park to blow up balloons and chat about how beer is bad and that kids should not drink while the girls go to a house and make popcorn and talk about drugs and how one of the kids is no longer friends with her old pals as they tried to push her to do drugs with them! Back at the park one of the boys saves another boy from a drug dealer who was trying to push for him to try it. After all the balloons are blown up and the popcorn made, the kids go back to McGruff’s house as we learn that this surprise party is for us the readers!

This is one silly and overly kid friendly PSA comics as it breaks down the horrors of drug and alcohol abuse down so simply as saying…they are bad! This comic’s plot is super simple: McGruff wants to throw a surprise party and his friends the kids get the stuff needed to bring to the party.  All the while, they talk to each other about how drugs are bad, when the stuff is ready the return to McGruff and we find out this whole party was for the reader. This was a fun read and took me back to being a kid when McGruff really did rule when it comes to crime prevention, but this also was a little bit of a letdown as McGruff takes a backseat and the kids are the main stars of the comic as they are the ones who mostly do the talking and eat up pages with their appearance. McGruff is very thoughtful as he wants to throw a party for whoever is reading the comic and he makes sure that he gets his friends to help make it special, and while he is the spokes person for people not to do drugs, he also does not get to preachy with his message…he leaves that to the kids. The kids are all good kids who have a Charlie Brown aura around them and for the most part goofs who like popcorn and balloons. One of my favorite creepy characters from this comic is the weird drug pusher who looks like he should be a bad guy in a Fat Albert cartoon.  He is so 80’s fantastic goofy looking with a mix of late 70’s attitude. This 16 page comic also has a few activities and sports a very generic free comic looking cover, you know like comics that were free at Big Boy and Captain D’s. The interior art is done by an unknown artist and is really good and holds a classic 80’s kid comic look. Over all this is a simple comic with a simple message and that’s Drugs Are Bad! Check out some artwork below to see what this comic has to offer to young readers and the young at heart.

Man it’s weird as their just is not a lot of mascots being used in promotion any more like back in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s and now everything just seems so cold and to the point. I can say I really do miss seeing them around. I should also just once more bring up that one of my founding memories of Dayton, Ohio Horror Host Dr. Creep was the old picture my brother Bryan was in that was taken at the old Kettering Theater that had him standing with Creep as well as McGruff The Crime Dog…so this mascot was even in my earliest memories of one of the greatest Horror Hosts ever. And this brings us to what we will be looking at for out next update.  I think we will stay with the theme of crime fighter and let’s also stay with the Horror Host vibe as we will travel to Cleveland, Ohio and take a look at the icon of afternoon fights and laughs the one and only Superhost! So until next time read a comic or three, watch a crime movie or two and as always support your local Horror Host. See you next update as Supe’s On!

Do You Hear What I Hear Through The Grapevine

Happy Holidays Rotten Inkers! Tis the season for chestnuts roasting on an open fire and visions of raisins dancing in your head. That’s right, raisins..from California. Yes, I, Juliet will be your guide as we explore the 1980s sensations, The California Raisins and their journey from commercial mascots to masters of media and merchandise. I’m sure you’re wondering, other than figgy pudding, what’s the connection between raisins and the holidays? One of the best-loved appearances of the California Raisins just happens to be in William Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Special, which we’ll talk about more in depth in just a bit. Growing up, I was a huge fan of the special and of the California Raisins Show, the Saturday morning cartoon based on America’s favorite dried grapes, and I continue to have a formidable collection of California Raisins figures. So come along with me as we travel to Raisinville and learn all about the California Raisins, including the Blackthorne 3-D comics based on them.

As legend has it, in 1986, the California Raisin Advisory Board was trying to come up with an idea for a commercial when one of the writers, Seth Werner, said, “We have tried everything but dancing raisins singing ‘I Heard It Through the Grapevine'” and thus the Raisins were born. Well, they were born through the claymation work of William Vinton and his Vinton Studios. The four main Raisins commercials were: Lunchbox, which featured the Raisins dancing out of a construction worker’s lunchbox on a high rise. The Late Show featured the Raisins dancing past other, less healthy snacks on a side table while a late night talk show played. Raisin Ray featured the Raisins alongside a claymation Ray Charles, and Michael Raisin featured them with, yes, a claymation Michael Jackson.

In 1987, the Raisins appeared in something very near and dear to my heart growing up, William Vinton’s Claymation Christmas special. It hosted by Rex and Herb, two dinosaurs resembling Siskel and Ebert, who actually give some great historic context for the well known holiday carols featured in the program. The songs were done as super elaborate (and time-consuming to create) claymation-style skits, some of which were created in such a way to appear fluid, almost paint-like instead of looking like stop-motion. The songs featured were: We Three Kings, which starts fairly traditionally but get groovy thanks to singing camels, a comedic Carol of the Bells, O Christmas Tree which takes us into ornaments, Angels We Have Heard On High, which features two walruses ice skating in what feels like a subtle nod to the Fantastia Hippo Ballerinas. Joy To the World is a stunning collage of constant motion that celebrates African American culture. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is performed by the California Raisins, putting a little magic into the air after a Christmas eve gig (ala, as the Raisins often were, the Temptations). The hosts get their own story about wassailing, which is mistaken for waffling, waddling, wallowing, etc. This one, upon rewatch, puzzled me a bit. Are the actual wassailers at the end elves or leprechauns? When I was young I thought they were elves, but have they been leprechauns, or perhaps drunken locals the whole time? Weigh in, dear readers. The half hour Claymation Christmas Special debuted on CBS alongside the Garfield Christmas Special and the pair often ran together during the holiday season. I had one night’s CBS holiday lineup (that included Micky’s Christmas Carol, the Claymation-Garfield pairing and A Charlie Brown Christmas) taped on TV on VHS that was yearly, mandatory holiday viewing even after many of these were dropped from regular rotation.

In 1988, the Raisins became fully fleshed out characters in their CBS special Meet the Raisins. This rockumentary mockumentary (think Spinal Tap, but with vegetables and suitable for small children) was produced by Vinton Studios and won an Emmy nomination. It actually wasn’t until this point that the Raisins got their names: A.C., Red, Stretch, and Beebop. The special also featured supporting characters such as Rudy Bagaman, the Raisins’ manager, who would go on to be one of the leading characters in the 1989 California Raisins cartoon, The California Raisins Show. That cartoon had a 13 episode run between September and December – kind of a shocker as my younger self seemed convinced that it lasted much longer. Instead of claymation, this show featured traditional cel animation from Murakami-Wolf-Swenson, but William Vinton served as creative director and executive producer so it definitely kept with his vision of the Raisins’ story. Many of the fruit and vegetable characters that were introduced in Meet the Raisins were prominent supporting characters in the cartoon, and many characters that were created for the cartoon (including my absolute favorite Lick Broccoli) then made appearances in the 1990 claymation special The Raisins: Sold Out!: The California Raisins II, which, furthering the Spinal Tap metaphor, saw had the Raisins attempting to mount a comeback with a new manager. This would be the last TV show/special for the Raisins, and they wouldn’t have much of a TV presence for many years to follow.

During their short run, the California Raisins got a lot of merchandise created in their wrinkly image, and many of it has ended up in the Smithsonian permanent collection. Perhaps the most ubiquitous were the Raisins figurines that came out in assorted series from Hardee’s between 1987 and 1991, and were also stellar garage sale finds. I’ve been able to piece together a sizable collection of little guys, some of which I’ve had since the late 80s. In addition to the figure, there were Raisins t-shirts, Halloween costumes, lunch boxes, posters, coloring books, music albums, and a Capcom video game that was created but never officially released – though luckily it has made its way into the world via the homebrew game market. You can also check out a good representation of the California Raisins commercials, Meet the Raisins, The Raisins: Sold Out, and the entire run of the California Raisins Show on a two-DVD set called appropriately enough, The California Raisins Collection.

In 1987, as part of their series of 3D comics based on licensed properties, Blackthorne began a five issue run of comics based on the California Raisins, and these books are the subject of today’s comic reviews.  I heard it through the grapevine that here on Rotten Ink, we grade these on a star scale of 1 to 4 and are looking for how well the comic stays to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story.  So let’s take the boat to Raisinville and get to know our new favorite band, the California Raisins!

The California Raisins 3-D # 1   *** 1/2
Released in 1987    Cover Price $2.50    Blackthorne Publishing    # 1 of 5

Under the cover of night, the Raisinville Chamber Orchestra is kidnapped and loaded onto a boat by masked bandits. The next morning, two young Raisins happen upon a flyer looking for musicians to play the mayoral election. As they head into town, they pick up another Raisin as a hitchiker and find their fourth and fifth potential bandmates playing a whistle on the street. As suspicious advertisements for Snax pop up around town, the new bandmates visit the music store to pick up some instruments, but find that the beloved owner has mysteriously retired, all the instruments are gone, and the store is now home to a surly French Fry Man selling Snax. The Raisins move on to the Chamber Orchestra’s headquarters where they and other raisins queue up for auditions, but something’s fishy as raisins are going in, but no one is coming out. The Raisins catch site of a group of Sugar Cubes up to no good and rush to city hall to warn the mayor. The mayor, however, is nonplussed. He’s worried that his opponent in the election, Big Burger, is trying to run him out of town, but he stops mid-thought upon chomping down on some Snax. This is when the Raisins realize that there’s something amiss; the Snax are turning their fellow raisins into zombies and the only cure is music. So they commandeer Big Burger’s campaign vehicle, which is equipped with a loudspeaker and do their thing. Mayor Van Raisin is re-elected and Big Burger and his Snax are run out of town.

This was such a fun read! It threw me at first because the Raisins (the main ones that is) don’t use their names at all in this book, but that’s because this came out before they had names. That said, all of the hallmarks of the developing California Raisins world were present: the power of music, junk food more often than not being portrayed as the villains of the story, and the delightful little details like the picture on the wall of a bottle of wine labeled Uncle Vino. The artwork was really well done by an unnamed artist, especially considering that the majority of the characters were raisins and you could still distinguish who was who. I liked the 3D effect, though quite honestly, I would enjoy this comic entirely on its own merit so it wasn’t necessarily a selling point for me (in fact, I had a harder time reading it, not because the 3D was poorly done, but just because my eyes have trouble focusing with old school red and blue 3D glasses). This five issue run is off to a strong start, so let’s see how the rest go.

The California Raisins 3-D # 2  ***
Released in 1988    Cover Price $2.50    Blackthorne Publishing    # 2 of 5

In a prologue, Big Burger looks at Raisinville from afar and vows that the town will be his as his junk food henchmen bring a display of the Raisins, Big Burger’s new sworn enemies. But never fear, our villain has a plan….we cut to the Raisins receiving an invitation to receive their complementary mansion earned by virtue of being the official Raisinville band. The Raisins are, of course, excited to reap the benefits of their newfound and begin exploring the mansion and discovering its various perks and quirks including some trap doors. Three Raisins are captured by the ever bickering Cookie and Candy, and the other two narrowly escape multiple traps looking for their friends. The fourth Raisin gets captured, but the last is able to discover the evil plot against them and devises a plan. Using the house’s recording gear and sound system, he minimicks Big Burger’s radio and lures Cookie and Candy away so he can free his bandmates. Together, they roll Cookie, Candy and some Sugar Cubes into a carpet and dump them into the water. When they float back to Big Burger, acknowledges that the Raisins may be more formidable foes than he anticipated, but the next round is his.

This is another solid comic that capture everything charming about the California Raisins. Interestingly, the Raisins’ mansion in this one does remind me of their house in the California Raisins Show (the cartoon), and an episode where Lick Broccoli’s manager bugs the Raisins’ home to steal the Sweet Currants’ new song. But this remains firmly in the pre-Meet the Raisins realm of issue #1: no names for the Raisins. It does, however, establish Big Burger as our main villain and brings back his henchman for more hijinks. I like the continuity, but I do hope that we get to see food characters in the next issue for the sheer fact that I like to check out the different character designs. The art is once again solid, and it’s easy to figure out who’s who among the Raisins. Onward to Issue 3!

The California Raisins 3-D # 3  **1/2
Released in 1988    Cover Price $2.50    Blackthorne Publishing    # 3 of 5

This issue feature two stories. In the first, Waisin Wipeout, the Raisins are lounging at their mansion when they get a call to come down to the beach to film a surfing music video. It’s there that they’re introduced to famous fim director Steven Spielbug, his frog assistant, surfing expert Gnarly Cobb and beach babe Cher Pear, who turns out to be a Valley Pear. While the Raisins surf for the camera, Big Burger and his henchmen (decked out, of course, in pirate hats!) lurk below the water in their submarine base. They use their device to create a tidal wave, knocking the Raisins off their boards and ruining the shot. But Raisins don’t let a little water defeat them. They get back on their boards and surf so well they create a whirlpool that knocks out Big Burger’s submarine…and looks super cool in the music video.

Story number two is X Marks the Spot. While out on a picnic, the Raisins find a map, which they assume will lead them to the treasure of Blueberry the Pirate. Of course x marks the spot right under where they were picniccing so the Raisins start digging, and find nothing. They then realize that they were digging in the wrong spot, and after several repeated instances of this, begin fighting amongst themselves. This results in tears until one Raisins realizes that the seemingly shifting x on the map was shifting because it was actually a spider.

While I didn’t hate this issue by any means, this is definitely the weakest of the first three issues. First of all, why two stories? Especially when the second story, for me, was pretty weak. The first story was good, but messed with a few of the things that I love about the Raisins in general and that the first two issues honored: why are the filmmakers bugs and not food characters? Also while I get that Cher Pear is supposed to the typical valley girl/beach bimbo, it took me entirely too long to realize that she was a pear because she was drawn entirely too human. These are minor complaints in the grand scheme of things as the art is still great, but for me, the fun comes from the food characters. It’s a formula that works so why mess with it? Speaking of messing with things, it looks like the next issue is going to deviate again by being an adaptation of Meet the Raisins. So let’s take a deep breath and dive in.

The California Raisins 3-D # 4  ***
Released in 1988     Cover Price $2.50    Blackthorne Publishing    # 4 of 5

The Raisins (there are four of them now) are excited because their show is getting ready to come on. We go into the TV documentary where our host tells the humble origin stories of A.C., BeeBop, and Red (names!) as they formed their first band with bass singer Zoot, who introduced them to his eventual replacement, Stretch. From there we see the Raisins’ slow rise to fame with the help of their young manager Rudy Bagaman. From impressing Ed McMelon and being literal smash sensations to rebuilding their shattered careers by working with quirky director Frederico Rasperini and playing a series of concerts in the arctic. Their eventual, triumphant return comes when Rudy Bagaman nearly crashes a plane, providing an amazing introduction to the band. The documentary concludes there, and the Raisins are pleased with what they saw.

Admittedly, I’m a little torn about this one. I would have preferred an original story as opposed to a straight adaptation of Meet the Raisins, but this was extremely well done and captured the charm of the TV special so I can’t be too mad. As I’m sure you noticed above, the Raisins now have their names, and they’ve gone from being a band of five to a quartet with a completely different back story. I wonder if these Raisins are the next generation of California Raisins, or is there some sad fifth Raisin out there in the word waiting to write his tell-all book about how his band abandoned him. The artwork in this one is the same as the rest of the comics so far: really great! Needing to be able to distinguish the Raisins from each other isn’t as big a deal though, because along with their names come new, more distinct character designs. The cover features our newly revamped Raisins rocking out on the stage. I wonder if the next issue will be an original story or another adaptation (though the next special wasn’t for a few years). Might as well take a look and see….

The California Raisins 3-D # 5  **1/2
Released in 1988   Cover Price $2.50    Blackthorne Publishing    # 5 of 5

Back to multiple stories so: In the Music Mash, the Raisins (there are still four of them, but they’re not the same four from the last issue) are in the studio preparing for a gig and arguing over a new song. They decide to visit their friend Gigo who’s created a new machine that can create hit songs on the spot. Everything is going well, and they bring the device to a gig with them, but when a workman leaves his toolbox too close, the machine malfunctions creating chaos onstage. In the end, the Raisins realize it’s best to go back to basics and sing one of their classics.

In California Battle of the Bands, the Dough Buys and Richter are headed to the semifinals, and the Raisins (all FIVE of them) are late to their recording session. When they arrive, an oddly cartoony Rudy introduces them to three Lady Raisins who are their new backup singers. Back at the battle of the bands, Cookie, and Candy French Fry are sabotaging the competition for their boss, Big Burger. They plan an earthquake device and play a few more pranks on the Raisins when they show up to play. When the Raisins discover the mischief, they interrupt Ratchet’s set to warn them about the earthquake device, and the two bands work together to defeat the bad guys. They celebrate their victory with a concert all together.

I have SO MANY questions. Are there multiple bands performing as the California Raisins? This kind of follows my theory from last issue, and we do learn that there’s a whole Raisinville from which these bands could have been formed. This is all to say that these Raisins are different, unnamed Raisins than the ones we saw last issue. And then there’s the numbers issue. Was Fifth Raisin on vacation for the last story and a half? Also, what is Gigo? He’s not a discernible fruit or vegetable? Is he an alien? That said, there are so many things right about this, like Shrapnel, one of the battle bands that are clearly an homage to Guns N Roses. It was also amazing to see Shirelle, Dixie and Crystal, aka the Sweet Currants, in this issue even though they, like the Raisins this time around, weren’t called by name. I’m also glad we got one more chance to see Big Burger try to thwart the Raisins and thus conquer Raisinville. The art was great, but the latter story was a little more cartoony than anything else we’ve seen in this series. All told, this was an extremely fun and solid comic series that served these classic characters well.

So there you have it, the life and times of the California Raisins with a sprinkle of holiday cheer.  I hope it’s merry, warm and bright for you and yours, and that you’ll join Matt back here on the blog for his big holiday update.  He’ll be taking us from the land of singing fruits and vegetables into animated knights and dragons when he covers the comic adaptation of Dragon’s Lair. In the meantime, make sure you’re well stocked on hot chocolate, support local and indie businesses as you’re able this holiday season, and read a comic or three.

Harland Sanders The Fried Chicken Colonel Of Kentucky

Who doesn’t love some good old greasy fried chicken? Well maybe vegetarians, vegans and people who are watching their weight are not so much fans of this crispy fried death. When I was a youngster, my Grandma Salyers was an amazing cook and made lots of great southern style meals complete with collared greens, green beans with salt pork, fried green tomatoes, green onions and of course fried chicken! I loved eating at my Grandma’s house as her home cooking could not be beat and her fried chicken was at the top of my request list next to her homemade chicken or beef noodles and fried green tomatoes. One of the best parts about the meals also was that all the veggies were picked from their garden.  Man, I miss those days and more importantly miss my grandparents who sadly both have passed away. The theme of this update is fried chicken and one man, who along with 11 herb and spices made a recipe that took the United States by storm and gave us the fast food restaurant called Kentucky Fried Chicken.  That man is Colonel Sanders! So let’s order a bucket of chicken with some mashed potatoes and gravy and some biscuits with honey and talk about this Kentucky icon.

Harland David Sanders was born on September 9, 1890 in a small house near Henryville, Indiana and was the oldest of three children. He grew up going to church and enjoying a good farm family environment, but things got a little rougher when his father passed away and his mother had to take a job. Harland was forced to act as his siblings’ caretaker, but at this young age he learned to make food and do some creative things with meats, breads and vegetables. At the age of 10, he also took a job as a farmhand for a to help out with money. In 1902, seven years after his father’s death, his mom re-married, and they all moved to Greenwood, Indiana.  Harland found himself at odds with his new stepdad, and this lead to him dropping out of school in the 7^th grade and taking lots of jobs in the surrounding towns. At the age of 14, he moved away from his mother with her blessing and lived with his uncle in New Albany, Indiana to work as a steelcar conductor. In 1906 Harland joined the United States Army as a teamster and survived in Cuba until being honorably discharged in 1907 as he lied about is age.  He then moved to Alabama where another of his uncles lived and worked for the railway as a blacksmith’s helper and later cleaned ash pans of trains, and at 16 he became a steam engine stoker. While working for the railway of Alabama, he meet Josephine King who he would marry and have one son and two daughters with.  Sadly his son Harland Jr. passed away very young from infected tonsils.

The Sanders family would next move to Jackson, Tennessee as Harland took a job for the Ilinois Central Railroad as steam engine stoker and studied law at night via La Salle Extension University. Harland lost his job at the railway when he got into a a brawl with a fellow worker. He found work at another railway company and his law work came to an end when he once more got into a brawl with his own client in court! Harland and his family had a rough time as he floated from job to job and even was fired from selling life insurance for insubordination. Things turned around for him in 1920 when he established a ferry boat company on the Ohio River that operated from Jeffersonville and Louisville. In 1922, he took the job of Chamber of Commerce in Columbus, Indiana but was not very good at the job and left his post less than a year into it. Sanders made a boneheaded move when he sold off his shares in the ferry boat company to open  an acetylene lamp manufacturing plant that failed after Delco sold electric lamps on credit. Sanders moved to Winchester, Kentucky to work as a sales person for Michelin Tires but once more was let go after one of their manufacturing plants closed.  He then went on to work at a Standard Oil Gas Station as a manager, but it closed during the great depression in 1930 leaving him once more jobless.

But his luck would once more save him as Shell offered him a service station in North Corbin, Kentucky rent free as long as they shared a percentage of sales with them! Sanders started to make good home cooked meals that he would sell at the station like country ham and steaks as well as chicken and would later attach a restaurant to the gas station which became a huge hit with visitors. Sanders did have his enimies at this time as Matt Stewart owned a rival station, and a fight over a street sign lead to Stewart shooting and killing a Shell Oil official and being convicted of murder, eliminating his only competition. In 1935 Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon commissioned Sanders as a Kenticky Colonel as his popularity and reputation of serving great food grew and grew. Over the years Sanders opened more restaurants that were also attached to hotels and motels and would do his part to help during Word War II and the gas shortage. In 1947, Harland divorced Josephine and married his mistress for many years Claudia Ledington-Price in 1949.  By this time he had also perfected his fried chicken that was the talk of the town as his 11 secret herbs and spices as well as his style of cooking the chicken became a signature flavor. By 1952, Sanders allowed his “Kentucky Fried Chicken” meals to be franchised to a man named Pete Harman of South Salt Lake, Utah.  Pete saw his sales triple, all of it coming from the fried chicken! A fun little fact is that Don Anderson, a sign painter hired by Pete, came up with the name Kentucky Fried Chicken as he used the term to draw people into his restaurant in Utah as the customers loved the southern sound and style of this tasty chicken.  Plus, Sanders made .04 off each chicken sold at this location.

But by the age of 65 Sanders sold his restaurant, and he and his wife Claudia opened a new restaurant and headquarters in 1959.  Sanders would travel around to places and try to sell the franchise rights to his friend chicken.  This would include him making a batch of his famous chicken and having workers eat it, and when they liked it he would work out a deal with the owners on the price of the deal.  This was the birth of the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) fast food restaurants that are still going strong to this day. Sanders would later just sell all the US rights to the chicken concept but retained the rights in Canada and Englund and would remain the spokesman and mascot for the fast food joint to this day. But Sanders and KFC had feuds over the years as both have slung lawsuits at each other over all types of things such as bad mouthing gravy all the way to misusing Sanders’ image on products.  Sadly Sanders’ time came to an end as on December 16 1980 he died of leukemia at the age of 90, but his legacy and chicken still lives on to this day.

Colonel Sanders was known for his white suit, classic southern black bow tie as well as his white goatee. But here are some weird a fun things you might not know about Sanders: at first he treated the whole Kentucky Colonel thing as a joke but later would take it seriously.  He was a foul mouthed man when it came to food quality and would visit KFC restaurants in the 70’s and if the meal did not live up to his standards he would cuss and shove the food to the floor! He used his own stock holdings to create the Colonel Sanders trust as well as Colonel Harland Sanders Charitable Organization that were used to aid charities as well as scholarships. Japan’s Hanshin Tigers baseball team has an urban legend called “Curse of the Colonel” that has them performing poorly after some fans in 1985 tossed a statue of Colonel Sanders into a river that lead to the statue being lost. In 2011 in KFC’s archives, a manuscript was found written by Colonel Sanders that had recipes as well as life lessons.  They claimed that they were going to try some of these recipes and put the 200 page writings online but to my knowledge they never did. Lee Cummings, the nephew of Colonel Sanders traveled around with his uncle selling the 11 Herd and Spices as well as pressure cookers in 1952 to franchises, and in 1966 Lee made his own recipe that he called his “Famous Recipe.”  He is the creator of the chicken restaurant known as “Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken,” one of KFC’s big competitors in the fast food chicken world.

Growing up my parents were not fried chicken eaters, and we would get KFC only time to time as my Dad always thought the buckets cost too much.  As I stated before, most of the time we did have it was at my grandparents’ house as my parents would get a big old bucket so my grandma didn’t have to cook as she and my grandpa were big chicken eaters. As I got older, my brother had a KFC kick, and he and I used to go out to eat.  Most of the time he chose between Taco Bell and KFC, and now I think he enjoys eating Lee’s more than KFC. At work we seem to eat KFC pretty often as Todd The Fox loves himself some fried chicken or a famous bowl, and Garrison Kane loves his double down sandwich. For those who don’t know what a double down is, it’s two chicken patties that act as the bun to some bacon and cheese…yeah it’s an artery clogger for sure. When I eat at KFC this is my standard order: 3 piece dark meat meal with mash potatoes and green beans with water to drink. So what do you enjoy eating at KFC?

I covered KFC’s birth above, so I figured I would skip the huge history lesson on KFC and what big company owns them and how many times it’s been sold and such and decided to instead cover the classic KFC Commercials that use to air on broadcast TV and can now be found on Youtube. It’s really cool to see these classic commercials from the late 60’s and 70’s and watch Harland Sanders in his white suit and cane prepare chicken or watch cooks make chicken, all the while the catch phrase “It’s Finger Licking Good” is said to highlight just how good the chicken at Kentucky Fried Chicken is thanks to the secret recipe. Also, you can see commercials from the 80’s. 90’s and even the modern stuff with the “fake” Colonel Sanders…we will get into those a little later in the update. It’s really crazy to think that while other fast food joints had more colorful mascots like Ronald McDonald for McDonalds, The Magical Burger King for Burger King and The Noid for Dominos Pizza to name a few, KFC more played up Colonel Sanders, a Southern gentleman who lived the American Dream. So if you’re bored and have a few minutes to kill, check out these commercials on Youtube and learn why the chicken is finger licking good as well as how you can get buckets of chicken to go for that after church dinner!

Over the years besides the two comics we will be diving into on this update, many other great merchandise has been made based around Colonel Sanders that includes Halloween costumes, penny banks, PVC kids meal figures, hand puppets, clocks, t-shirts, vinyl records, bobble head, a Let’s Play At Kentucky Fried Chicken playset and statues to name a few. It’s great to see Colonel Sanders live on with lots of these collectable items, and while I don’t own any of these things besides the comics I have mentioned above I have seen the penny banks at many antique stores and have thought about buying one many times. So if you’re a collector of fast food mascots or just love KFC, you might want to try and track down some of these collectibles for your own collection.

With the original Colonel Sanders passing away in 1980, KFC thought of other ways to use his image like in the late 90’s they had an animated version who was cartoony in nature and was voiced by actor Randy Quaid. In 2015, we had two actors playing the “role” of Colonel Sanders, both former Saturday Night Live actors.  The first was played by Darrell Hammond, who had a touch of creepy to his portrayal.  This caused a huge backlash on social media from people who found it disrespectful to turn a classy gentlemen into a giggling chicken obsessed freak. I for one enjoyed the silly nature of Hammond’s version of Sanders, and it’s a shame they fired him from the role. During Hammond’s commercials he would sing little songs about fried chicken like “Chicken In The Bucket, Chicken In The Beans” or the classic about the $5.00 Fill Up Meal in which he explains that you not only get taters and gravy but also a big ol cookie! Norm Macdonald took over the role of Sanders and plays him more straight laced, but no matter how much or is it how little he tries, he just sounds like the Norm Macdonald we all grew to love while he was on SNL. During his commercials, Norm also explains that Hammond was an imposter trying to act as if he was the real Colonel Sanders. So will these three be the last to play the gone but not forgotten Colonel of Fried Chicken? Only time will tell. I should also note that it’s nice to see them at least use Colonel Sanders again as sometime in the 2000’s I can remember them wanting to drop his image from their marketing and wanted to embrace the KFC name and phase out that it stood for Kentucky Fried Chicken as health food nuts of the net went on a smear campaign against fast food joints.

For this update, co-workers Stephen Alexander, Garrison Kane and I ordered some food form our nearby KFC, and I wanted to break the meal down and give each food item a grade like on a report card! I ordered a 3 piece meal dark meat (leg, thigh, thigh) with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans and a lemonade to drink. The meal cost about $8.50, and let’s see if it was worth it! Let’s start with the sides, the green beans were fantastic and had a nice mix of diced onions mixed in, and the flavor was really good. I would get them a B+! The mashed potatoes and gravy were okay. The potatoes tasted great, but the gravy was so-so. I would give them a grade of C. The biscuit was dry and tasteless, and I only ate a small part of it before I gave it to Stephen; I would give it a D. The lemonade was really good and tasted freshly made so I would give it a solid A! The main event was the chicken, and man it was dry.  The chicken leg was so small and dry, it was a waste of frying! The two thighs the meal came with were a little more meaty but tasted kind of bland, and I had to use the Finger Licken Good Sauce to make it pop with flavor.  I would give the chicken a C – as it was not great but not total garbage. Over all, it was an average meal from KFC that did its job of filling my tummy on a long day of work.

Speaking of eating chicken, while working on this update I thought of yet another idea for a comic book that I would like to see made and that’s one based on a Troma Movie that has a metal teethed maniac who bites the heads off chickens, murders people and can only speak with clucks…that’s right, I am talking about Luther The Geek! This 1990 film was directed by Carlton J. Albright and was about a man named Luther Watts who as a child got his teeth knocked out while at a freak showing watching a geek eat the head off a live chicken.  He had his missing teeth replaced with steel ones and became crazed and craved human flesh. After being in prison for twenty years, he is paroled and sets back out biting people’s necks in order to taste their blood, and sadly for Hilary and her daughter Beth, their farmhouse becomes a nightmare as Luther comes to roost.  I should also mention Luther does not talk but clucks and crows like a rooster! Luther kills anyone foolish enough to get in his way as his thirst for blood knows no bounds and no age, gender or race is safe from his metal teeth of death. I first saw this film on VHS when my Brother and I rented it from K&L Video, and from that moment on, it became a film that I enjoyed for its over the top nature and creepy killer. I also want to mention that Stacy Haiduk, who played Beth, is a stunning raven haired beauty in this movie and is also helped fuel my like for this film as she has a great shower scene! My idea to make this into a comic would take place after the events of the movie and have Hilary being insane and locked up in an asylum, but little does she know that the body of Luther is missing and he is on the hunt for his “hen” as he thinks that she is now his mate! When Luther sets the crazies of the asylum free to run the nut house, Hilary must gain her wits back in order to survive as Luther is on the prowl and hungry for human blood and flesh. The best part of this comic idea is that Luther, while in the Asylum would also be attacking other inmates as he does not understand friendship. I would also throw in the original geek that inspired him to become one, who would be really old and the end would have the two fighting over Hilary like two roosters. I would love to see Troma make this comic themselves, and if not them, then I would say Blood Shed. From my friends, I think Bruce O’Hughes or Jason Young would do fantastic work making it come alive. Who knows maybe one day this comic idea will come alive!

With all this fried chicken talk, I am sure many of you readers are craving some KFC or some sort of other chicken restaurant like Lee’s, Churches or Popeyes so I am now going to bring out the main course of this review, the comics based on Colonel Sanders! One of them was made by KFC themselves, while the other was made by DC Comics and has Sanders teaming up with The Flash and Green Lantern to stop bogus chicken from being served trying to ruin KFC’s good name. I want to thank both Amazon and Ebay for having these comics in stock and I need to remind you that I grade these comics on a 1-4 star ranking and am looking at how well the comic keeps to the source material, its entertainment value, and its art and story. So let’s bring out a 500pc bucket of Chicken and get looking at the comic adventures of Colonel Sanders!

Colonel’s Adventure # 1  **1/2
Released in 2015    Cover Price FREE    KFC    # 1 of ???

Colonel Sanders is sitting on a stool and decides to share his life story with the readers.  He explains about his childhood, from losing his father at the age of 5 to cooking meals for his siblings when he was only 7. He goes on to tell of his teen years lying about his age and joining the army where he was stationed in Cuba to watch after the donkeys.  He then tells of his time working for the railroad as well as later opening and selling a boat company on the Ohio River and losing his money when putting it all into gas lamps. This issue ends with Sanders opening his gas station and restaurant and having a shoot out with his rival who had been painting over his sign, that left one man dead, his rival wounded and sent to jail and Sanders still alive and kicking ready to make some chicken!

This promo comic is fast and straight to the point and is 100% a marketing tool to show the weird and wild life Colonel Sanders lived before and during making his world famous chicken. The story is basic and nothing is really fleshed out as each life event and milestone for him is summed up in a panel or two, and no names are used besides his own. The one nice thing is also you get a mini history lesson as they give you the dates when the phone, jazz music and electric lamps all came into culture during his lifetime. Some things I didn’t know were that he had a terrible car wreck on a bridge when he was selling tires and was lucky to be alive and that he spent time also delivering babies! Also, the father of a new born baby in this comic looks a lot like Don Knotts! The bottom of each page as a tiny adventure of Colonel Sanders going on, and at one point he runs into The Incredible Hulk.  Yeah, how weird is that?! The art in the comic is pretty good but has a kind of souless digital look to it and was done by Dan Burke.  The cover is pretty kick butt and makes Colonel Sanders look like The Lone Ranger! Over all, this is a cheesy quick read comic used to make one learn and respect Colonel Sanders. Check out some artwork from this comic below.

Now let’s get onto the next comic based on Sanders done by DC Comics that was given away at Comic Con and features some famous superheroes and villains.

Colonel Of Two Worlds # 1  **1/2
Released in 2015    Cover Price FREE    DC Comics    # 1 of 1

Captain Cold and Mirror Master are sick and tired of being on the losing end of fights with The Flash, and they decide to join forces with Colonel Sunder who came from another dimension called Earth-3. They open a restaurant called Easy Fried Chicken where henchmen go out and rob people to get money to open more of these lousy fried chicken joints, while Mirror Master and Captain Cold serve lousy food for cheap prices to customers. The Flash and Green Lantern stop a bank robbery, and The Flash goes to look into Easy Chicken as crime has went up when they moved into town.  As he is about to enter, he runs into Colonel Sanders who is pissed off about this fake looking Colonel making chicken the easy way when the world knows it tastes better when you do it the hard way! Colonel Sanders confronts Sunders, and the pair fight as Sanders mops the ground with not only Sunders, who is using a pink slime gun, but also his henchmen.  All the while, Captain Cold and Mirror Master watch in shock as their hope to be crimelords is tossed back into a portal that leads him to Earth-3 where he belongs! In the end The Flash and Green Lantern visit Colonel Sanders at KFC and find out that both Mirror Master and Captain Cold are working there as part of community service as Sanders has taught them that working hard is better than the easy way.

This comic is as silly as the description above sounds. First off, the plot is about another world Colonel Sanders coming to our world and trying to make cheap gross fried chicken restaurants as his way to take over the world and rip people off of money.  Along for the ride are two of The Flash’s top bad guys who are forced to work in this gross fast food restaurant as they think this will lead them to world domination! And the kicker is that the real Colonel Sanders is the one who kicks butt as the superheroes just watch in amazement and later offer Sanders a seat in the JLA…yeah, this is truly a strange take of crispy strange goodness. Colonel Sanders is so heated up when he finds out someone looking like him is selling gross friend chicken that he marches down to his restaurant knocks The Flash out of his way and starts to rumble with anyone who stands in his way! Colonel Sanders in this issue is a badass and by the looks of it could have gone toe to toe with Doomsday if he was selling chicken that was not of high standards. While they do stop a robbery, the Flash and Green Lantern are clearly just background players in this silly game of chicken. Colonel Sunder is a black suit wearing lazy Sanders look alike who on Earth-3 is the king of poultry but here is just a no good thief who sells gross food and is such a bum that he won’t even lift a finger to take over the world. I do like how he uses guns that shoot chicken nuggets as well as pink meat slime! Captain Cold and Mirror Master as well just take backseat roles, but they do take a strange role in the end as both work for KFC and seem to enjoy doing so! It also makes the pair of baddies aware that they are looked at as a joke when it comes to super villains. The cover is amazing as it shows the two Sanders clashing as the DC characters watch on in amazement. The art inside looks like most of your modern DC issues and is done by Tom Derenick.  While not my favorite style of art, it works well for this promo comic. Man, they should have had Colonel Sanders join the JLA as I would have loved to seen him beat The Joker to death with his cane or even uppercut Darkseid through a window as this issue makes Sanders out to be a ticking timebomb of pride that, if pushed, nothing can stop! Check out a piece of art from the comic below, and if you like weird promo comics featuring mainstream heroes, then make sure to add this to your must-read list!

I hope you enjoyed this deep fried look at Colonel Sanders and his chicken.  It was a fun one to write as I always like talking and researching mascots for fast food restaurants. But while many of you might think that KFC’s greasy chicken is scary, our next update will be about that famed haunted house in New York that spawned many movies, books, theories and yes, even a comic.  That’,s right be prepared to be scared as we look into The Amityville Horror! So get your nerve of steel as we will enter the house and expose the curse, but until then, read a comic or three, support your local Horror Host and enjoy some fried chicken if you eat meat!

Avoid The Noid In 3-D With Extra Cheese

Welcome back to Rotten Ink.  Today’s update we will be taking a look at that pizza hating mascot of the 80’s, The Noid, and Blackthrone’s two issue series based on the little booger. Growing up my family didn’t order out for pizza very often, and when we did, it was from places like Dagwood’s in Waynesville or we would pick up a pie from Pizza Hut or Marion’s. But most of the time we would make our own. I can remember my mom and dad letting me and my brother pick what ingredients went on our pizza and than watching it go into the oven and waiting for it to bake as the smell of cooking cheese and crust filled the air. I enjoyed eating homemade pizza, and when I was younger I always drank Mountain Dew, Kool-Aid or chocolate milk with my slices…I know the milk sounds kind of gross, but it was good! To be honest though, I have never liked pizza all that much and always found that it hurt my stomach after eating it.  Oddly enough, the only pizza that doesn’t hurt my stomach is homemade or Pizza Hut! Before we really dive into Dominos and The Noid, I should say that I am a fan of just cheese pizza, sausage and only some places deluxe like Marion’s.

Dominos Pizza started in 1960 when brothers Tom and James Monaghan went in together and bought DomiNick’s, a small pizza joint in Michigan, for $975.00! James gave up his half of the business in trade for a car giving Tom full control only eight months into them owning it, and by 1965 the name changed to Dominos.  By 1967 the first franchise opened sparking it to becomes a major player in the pizza restaurant war. A cool little fact is that the famous logo that has the three white dots on the blue/red domino was supposed to have more dots as they were going to add a dot for each store that opened! By 1978 they had 200 locations and more planned, so in loose terms of the rock band Megadeth: Pizza was their business and business was good! Starting in the 1980’s, they got so big that they were able to open pizza joints all over the world in such places as England and India making them grow even bigger as a Pizza Empire! In 1998 Tom wanted to retire and sold 93 percent of the company to Bain Capital for a billon dollars, and by 1999, they made David A. Brandon the new CEO of Dominos. Over the years Dominos slipped and became one of the lower pizza places.  When it came to the taste tests via customers, it tied for last place with Chuck E Cheeses.  So in 2009 they revamped their menu and used better ingredients to make their pizza better, even taking shots at themselves for making poor tasting pizzas over the years. This marketing has helped them bounce back and become a fighter once more to try and compete to be the # 1 pizza place in town. Dominos doesn’t only serve pizza though, they have added chicken wings, subs and even salads over the years. The only major media issue the company has had was with there “30 Minutes or It’s Free” promise that told customers if you order a pizza from them and it comes after 30 minutes of placing said order, then you got your food free. This pressure on delivery people was high, and many of them were involved in serious accidents as they would run red light to make it on time.  The company was sued for millions by those the drivers hurt making the promise disappear from their marketing. So after reading all this about Domino’s, are you thinking about ordering a pizza?

1986 was the year a strange imp claymation man wearing a red body suit with bunny ears and a chest piece with a giant N creeped his way onto TV screens across America trying his hardest to ruin the pizzas made by Dominos that were out for delivery with the 30 Minutes Or It’s Free promise. The Noid became such a popular mascot with kids and adults that a computer video game was made based on him as was other merchandise. The actor who did the voice of The Noid was Pans Maar who later went on to have roles in films like Return To Oz, The Golden Child, The Blob, Theodore Rex and even played Saurod in the live action Masters Of The Universe film. His TV credits include the popular show Dinosaurs where he played multiple smaller characters. But like all good things, The Noid was put into the mascot retirement home and only gets dusted off once in a while when Dominos sees fit to try and squeeze a dime out of the little guy. I can remember watching the commercials on TV and always being so hyped to see The Noid try his darnedest to ruin the pizza. I kind of always wanted to see him be able to do so at least once just to help his self esteem.  In fact he reminds me a lot of Looney Tunes character Wile E. Coyote who tries so hard to catch Roadrunner but just can’t. In the late 80’s, The Noid was everywhere including a Michael Jackson video/movie showing he was truly an icon and always was a hit when seen by the young Brassfield brothers. It’s a shame that Dominos didn’t bring him back when they redid their menu as it would have been amazing to see The Noid try and make not only the Pizzas cold and trashed but also chicken wings, subs and cheesy bread! While The Noid has been off TV for many years and not a mascot of the pizza place any more.  His impact on pulp culture is still felt thanks to things like Family Guy, The Simpsons and The Irate Gamer all who have had the little Imp in episodes. While not as iconic as Ronald McDonald or as beloved as Billy Bob, The Noid remains a favorite to all those who remember his fun and zany antics.

 

In the 1980’s Nintendo was the top video game system a kid could have.  Sure Atari had the 7800, and Sega had The Master System but the classic NES put them all to shame. In 1990 Capcom, the company that makes games like Street Fighter, Resident Evil and Ducktales, released a video game called Yo!Noid that was a side scrolling action game that had you playing as the red suited imp going from town to town in New York to stop the evil Mr. Green (a green suited imp) who is using slime people to ruin the city.  The promise to The Noid if he can save the day..is pizza..yep. The game in Japan is called Kamen No Ninja Hanamaru and has another hero and villain instead of The Noid and Mr. Green.  It was only in the United States that the pizza mascot was used. The game was by no means a classic but was a fun playing experience.  I can remember renting the game from K&L Video years and years after it came out and enjoying it as did my brother at the time. Over the years the game has become a punching bag by many because it’s a tie in to a massive company that sells pizza, but put all that internet B.S. and wannabe Angry Video Game reviewers reviews out of your mind and enjoy a fun silly side scrolling adventure game.

Besides Yo! Noid for the NES and the BlackThorne comics, some other merchandise that came out included a game that came out for the Commodore 64 called Avoid The Noid, PVC figures of The Noid in all types of outfits like boxing gloves and wizards hat, stuffed dolls, bendable figures, halloween masks, t-shirts and key chains among many other small things that had his goofy face on it. The only thing I had growing up was the bendable figure that I got from a garage sale as a kid, and I can remember eating home made pizza at the kitchen table while acting as if The Noid  was trying to ruin my dinner…that damn Noid. So if you’re a collector of mascot merchandise or just a fan of the claymation character you can find some really cool stuff based on the little nut job.

 

All my friends can tell you I love old mascot costumes that were used at restaurants and amusement parks and try my best to buy them when ever I can find them. So I wanted to take this brief moment to share some pictures I have found that are amazing and creepy all at the same time. Two are people wearing mascot costumes being silly and the other is a odd Halloween mask that looks as if its melting before our eyes. So sit back and enjoy the wonders of these pictures!

Husband and wife Steve Schanes and Ann Fera opened BlackThorn Comics in 1985 after they left the defunct Pacific Comics that closed in 1984. The company started small and was built from the ground up thanks to credit cards.  The first comic to come out from them was based on the classic character Sheena Queen Of The Jungle that was reprints of her old adventures. The company grew over the years and gained attention for putting out comic books taken from old newspaper comic strips from such characters as Dick Tracy and also for breaking the mold and not just selling their comics at normal comic stores as they got their titles into Hallmarks, Spencer Gifts and 7-Elevens making them more distributed than other smaller comic companies. The company also was able to nab some important IP’s for comic series like Battle Beasts, Battle Tech, Rambo, Waxworks and Werewolf based on the FOX TV Show. They also were the masters of making 3-D comics and cornered the market with such titles as Bozo The Clown, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Bravestarr, Gumby to name a few but it was the 3-D series based on the Californian Raisins that proved to be the big hit and money maker for them. By 1987 the cost and low sales of their normal comic lines caused them to cancel those titles and focus only on the black and white reprints of classic characters and the 3-D comics. Sadly they made a very poor choice in 1989 when they over paid to get the license to the film Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker that they turned into a 3-D comic that didn’t sell well causing them to have a huge financial loss for the year. By the start of 1990, the company was on its last legs even though they were the 5^th largest comic publisher in America.  That major blow they took at the hands of Moonwalker was too much, and they closed the doors for good. This really bums me out as I respected this company.  Even at a young age as I could recognized they took chances and were not so cookie cutter like many other companies at the time. I for one would have loved to see what they would have made if they would have made it through the 90’s and were still making comics to this day. Some projects have leaked on what they were working on before they closed up that included A Nightmare On Elm Street as well as a WWF comic that would have focused on The Ultimate Warrior…Now I am even more pissed off about them closing and have to say thanks Moonwalker for ruining everything! Below is some of the original art for those two never published comic series that were taken off EBAY that were up for sale. Over all to this long time comic reader, Blackthorn is truly missed.

So now that you have the history of Dominos Pizza, The Noid and even Blackthorn Comics I feel we are at the point now that we are ready to dive into the comic reviews and enjoy a slice of pizza and a part of mascot history. And I must really say I would have loved to have read Blackthorn’s A Nightmare On Elm Street 3-D adaptation as well as see what the WWF 3-D comic would have been about..dang that Moonwalker, it’s a curse on comics I tell you! I need to remind everyone I grade these comics on a standard 1-4 star rating and am looking at how well the comic keeps to the source material, its entertainment value, and its art and story. So with that let’s NOT avoid The Noid but instead see what kind of adventures he is having! 

The Noid In 3-D!  # 1  **
Released in 1989   Cover Price $2.50   Blackthorne   #1 of 2

The first story is Mondo Rotundo who is the overseer of mischief and mayhem, and he is very upset over the failure of The Noid who has yet to make Domino’s Pizza cold and gross for customers, so Mondo has his little electric ball side kick Fister to bring The Noid to him. Mondo takes The Noid into a room and shows him the past Noid’s and how they succeeded in their quests to be food pranksters and that The Noid himself is the reason he fails as when he was “born” to be a food ruining imp, he lost the one and only Noid handbook.  He then tells The Noid that he will give him one last chance to prove himself, so as The Noid leaves he decided to ruin Mondo’s dinner! The second story has The Noid thinking he is a super hero after he reads his own 3-D comic and wants to join the Super Hero club but is laughed at by all the other heroes.  This hurts his feelings and he decides to play some pranks on them and as well as keep them prisoner and by doing this he is asked to join the super villain club!

The first thing I would like to point out is that the 3-D aspect of the comic doesn’t really work well and for the most point while reading the comic I had my left eye closed and only read with the right.  Why, you ask, cause that’s the only way the comic even looked like it should have! I must also point out that pages in the comic were in the wrong order, showing that this title was not on the top of Blackthrones list of A-List comics. The first story was kind of lame and while very cool seeing Noids of the past, the pay out of The Noid ruining the fat Mondo’s dinner was very ho-hum. The second story as well was lame and had The Noid tricking super heroes in dumb ways.  For instance, he gave one hero who is like Wolverine a glass of milk and that fact it’s healthy knocks him out….yep. I didn’t expect much from a comic series based on a fast food mascot from a small comic company that used a terrible gimmick like 3-D to try and sell it to the masses.  I did however think that it would hold a little more entertainment value than it did. The Noid in the comic is very likable and really comes off as a goof down on his luck that was born to be a prankster who just can’t get it right. The art in the comic (via 3-D) looks a little bland with very little backgrounds and lots of use of white empty spaces. The Noid himself looks good and is how I would picture him in comic book art. I went back and fourth on what star rating I should give this issue, and I decided to go two stars only because while idea and presentation of the comic made me very nostalgic for 80’s gimmick comics and the fact it was all about that loveable goof The Noid, if your removed The Noid from the picture and inserted some Blackthorne made up character I would have given this issue a one star…so with that let’s hope issue two is better! 

The Noid In 3-D!  # 2  **
Released in 1989   Cover Price $2.50   Blackthorne   #2 of 2

The Noid is sick of being yelled at by Mondo over losing the Noid Handbook and decides to go back to school in order to learn what he couldn’t from the missing book. While at college he pulls some pranks like acting as a professor and tricking students.  He also joins the football team and comes up with new plays that make no sense and he also ruins Homecoming for the elected Queen by ripping her dress off. In the end The Noid is booted from the school once some frat boys learn he never even went to high school. The second story has The Noid and Fister traveling to the jungle to find a Temple of Noids that may hold secrets of the missing handbook, but while in the temple The Noid keeps making the wrong choices and Fister has to keep saving him.  In the end they both find that there is no secret as a note has been left behind that blames The Noid for the missing book!

Issue two is just as lame as the first and only really changes that were made are that the backgrounds are better and the stories are slightly more entertaining than those is issue 1. The 3-D still is bad and really is distracting when trying to read the comic, and I really wish the series would have come out not using this terrible gimmick. The Noid is still likable in both of these stories and is as goofy as ever, When reading these two issues and seeing that he is the verbal whipping boy for a fat slob and that he seems not never make the right decisions, you almost wish he would at least be able to make one of those dang Domino Pizzas cold to boost his self esteem. Mondo Rotundo who is his boss is kind of bland and just seems like a filler character as does Fister who to me seems like he should be in the Kool-Aid Man comics. The better of the two stories in this issue is the more Indiana Jones inspired Noid Temple as we get to see him out of his element and not pulling pranks but just really trying to survive! The art once more is good on characters and better for backgrounds than the past issue.  I should also note that Andy Ice does the art for both issues and I do like his cartoon looking style. To sum it up not much change from issue 1 to 2, and I found it an ok read that I wouldn’t recommend to fellow comic readers. Also below is some 2-D artwork done by Ice from his original storyboards so check em out!

Blackthrone gave this two issues before the plug was pulled, but I am not sure how many of you readers knew that an issue three was planned and the cover was made! Below is the mock up cover that was planned and it appears as if in the unfinished issue The Noid must have visited Mount Rushmore or had some sort of interaction with the President. Andy Ice did the cover art once more and it looks pretty dang great as did all of his Noid 3-D covers. Even though I was not a fan of this series I would have liked to have read issue 3 and see what kind of odd adventures the little Imp would have gotten into, but I still would have much rather seen the A Nightmare on Elm Street film adaptation and WWF 3-D comic over Noid issue 3. But enjoy a look at what could have been the 3^rd issue in the mascot’s comic run.

On Monday April 14^th 2014 while at work me and friend and co-worker Todd The Fox tried the New Dominos for the first time we placed our order online and was treated to Pete the Pizza Maker, a cartoon little guy who acts as the way to track your pizza as its being made placed in the oven and when it goes out to be delivered. On this day we ordered a large bacon cheeseburger pizza, spicy jalapeno pineapple chicken bites as well as an order of stuffed cheesy bread, and I was really wanting to try this new and improved food so that I could talk about it on this blog. The delivery was fast and the driver was a nice guy who even brought us extra plates and silverware just in case we didn’t have any in the store, and I should note he made it under 30 minutes. The pizza was pretty good and was a big improvement over the flat cardboard style they had in the past; the only thing I will say is that it was a little dry. The chicken bites were fantastic and had a rich flavor to them, but the best thing was the stuffed cheese bread that was mouth watering good and even more fantastic when dipped in the garlic sauce. Over all Todd and I both really enjoyed the pizza and we even had to fight off The Noid who showed up to try and ruin lunch…below is photo evidence of that little creeper being around. 

While I loved watching the Noid on TV on the classic Domino commercials and even liked my old bendie toy, I am kind of glad that I did not read this series in my youth as I think I would have hated it while the older me just thinks it is ok at best. I also find it very odd that I never even remember Domino’s ever pushing this comic.  In my mind it would have been very smart of them to give the comic out when someone would have bought a large pizza and a 2 liter of pop on carry out or delivery. Another very odd thing is that in both issues pizza is only briefly showed once…why the heck did Domino’s not have Blackthorne make the comic into one giant ad for their product! Major company marketing, who can’t figure it out? Well for my next update we will be leaving the pizza place and heading down DC Boulevard as we take a look at a relatively unknown super hero called Steel…and no I ain’t talking about the metal man one time NBA Star Shaq played in a crappy Superman tie in film.  So come back next time and learn all ’bout Commander STEEL, The Indestructible Man!

Stays Crunchy Even In Ink!

1985 was a good year for many things.  In movies, such classics as Back To The Future, Rambo First Blood Part 2, The Breakfast Club, Commando, Rocky IV, Clue, Return of the Living Dead, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, View to a Kill, Fright Night, Re-Animator and Day of the Dead all filled the cinemas with entertainment. Vinyl and cassettes of such albums as David Lee Roth’s “Crazy From The Heat”, Megadeth’s “Killing is My Business…And Business Is Good”, Motley Crue “Theatre of Pain” and W.A.S.P. Put out “The Last Command”. TV shows like Cheers, Cosby Show, Golden Girls, Night Court, Amazing Stories, Saturday Night Live and Growing Pains were great home entertainment for couch potatoes. Not to mention horror hosts like Commander USA just started his Groovie Movies and Dr. Creep of Shock Theater had ended his long run on Dayton television. But while stuff like this was going on, the kids of that time also knew one thing that troubled them and that was Cap’n Crunch was missing!!

Cap’n Crunch, whose full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch, is the mascot for the surgery cereal of the same name (that stays crunchy even in milk) put out by Quaker Oats since 1963. The good Captain of the S.S. Guppy, along with Seadog and a young crew, sailed the seas and delivered breakfast to all the hungry girls and boys around the world and became beloved by all who ate his fun and good tasting cereal. As the years went by Cap’n Crunch would bring in more great tasting cereals like Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch, Choco Crunch and Vanilly Crunch and became friends with CrunchBerry Beast, a wild creature with red hair, yellow skin and red spots, Mr. Choco a creature made out of cookie dough who could shape shift, a crunch berry bush and Smedley, a peanut butter loving elephant. But while his friends, fans and crew all loved him, Cap’n Crunch did make some enemies along the way that wanted nothing more than to bring him down and ruin breakfast for everyone.

Being a Cap’n of cereal is hard work, and you don’t get to the top of the table choice with out making some folks mad.  The poor Cap’n has his share of jealous haters. Jean Lafoote is a barefooted pirate who wants to steal the secrets of the cereal. He has kidnapped and stolen and would stop at nothing to get what he wants! Lafoote was the prime suspect for people like me to when Cap’n Crunch was missing even though by 1985 he was a second thought and not a mascot in use! While he was the prime suspect for me, many other ideas and such were given, and many people tried to figure it out to win money that was being offered to lucky winners who could figure out where the Cap’n was..but the shock of where he had been was about to hit us all.

Kids around the US were worried and spent time trying to figure out where the Cap’n was and hoping he was okay.  They had their parents buy boxes of Cap’n Crunch cereals to try and get the clues that were inside the boxes to figure it out, to help their breakfast friend and to win some money to buy toys and video games for helping find him. But then they found him…and the place he was lost in was The Milky Way…you get it? So after all the worry and stress, Cap’n Crunch was found safe and sound and was once more on our TV commercials and cereal boxes.  But this peace of mind would only last for a year when more trauma would be placed on all the youth as once more something would happen to Cap’n and we would all have to team up again this time to Free The Cap’n from his worst enemy, and no it’s not Jean Lafoote!

The Sogmaster, along side his henchmen The Soggies, are Cap’n Crunch’s worst nightmare.  They want to not only steal his famed cereal, but they also want to ruin it and make it get gross and soggy in milk taking away the crunch! The Sogmaster is a robot who is all grey, has a hoses for fingers that shoot out soggy gross stuff and is very mean spirited.  Amazingly enough he left me with the impression of being one of the meanest mascots in my history of watching TV. The Soggies themselves are white gloppy masses who are not very smart and are easily out smarted.  The way to tell them apart is one wears a red hat and the other does not. In 1986 Sogmaster and The Soggies did something that would shock the nation; they kidnapped Cap’n Crunch, and once more the hunt was on to find him and save him from his captors.  Once more money was given out to those who found the clues and called a 1-800 that held the answers. This is the one case that my brother Bryan and I got into and tried to find Cap’n without calling the phone number and with just small clues and our own ideas.

One thing I would like to very briefly talk about are the cool PVC figures that use to come free in cereal boxes based on popular mascots or even Disney Cartoons. Some of my favorite ones were the Cap’n Crunch ones that had not only Cap’n but also both Soggies and The Sogmaster! My brother and I collected these and during the whole time of them coming out, we only got one Sogmaster, a few Soggies and an army of Cap’n Crunch’s who seemed to be the one they over produced. To this day I have a Cap’n Crunch that sits on a shelf near the TV. So for those who remember these, this blog update is for you!

The kidnapping of Cap’n Crunch not only caught the attention of all the kids but it also got the attention of super hero Spider-Man who had all ready also joined the hunt last year to find where he was lost and was now going after The Sogmaster to get his friend back! Now when Spider-Man is worried and wants to save Cap’n, you know he was in deep trouble. Marvel Comics placed a one page ad in many of their comics that had Spider-Man finding the track of the Soggies and coming face to face with them and leaving us on a cliffhanger as to what happened. This was a fun way to add to the gimmick of the missing mascot and again made you worry about your breakfast and its champion.

But like before, Cap’n Crunch was saved.  The Sogmaster was sent packing, and the cereal Icon was free to spread his sugar coated cereal to all! But that’s the thing, while Cap’n Crunch was able to beat The Sogmaster, outstep Jean Lafoote and even find his way home after being lost, it seems that one thing he can’t shake are those pesky people who think they should tell parents what their kids should be eating. That’s one thing that annoys me about society today, everyone wants to say that these cereals are giving kids diabetes, McDonald’s is making their kids fat, etc.  While these things don’t help, it’s the job of the parents to watch how much of this type of food their kids eat, and it’s a shame companies are becoming so wimpy that they are backing down and using mascots less and allowing nut jobs to make rules for the world on what’s good for whom. But enough, let me get down from my soap box, and let’s take a look at a comic based on Cap’n Crunch that was given away to people who bought the cereal. I want to remind everyone that I grade these comics on a standard 1-4 star scale and look for entertainment value, art, story and how true the comic is to its source material. So let’s set sail over the Milk Sea, and see if we can have an adventure with the one and only Cap’n Crunch.

Cap’n Crunch: In The Center of The Earth  **
Released in 1986   Cover Price FREE   Quaker Oats   Comics #1 of 1

The Sogmaster is about to sog the Earth when Cap’n Crunch along with his giant robot and kid sidekicks Peter & Judy stop him and cause him to be so angry that he wants revenge. Sogmaster along with his Soggie Army go to the center of the Earth and use a giant cannon to turn the Earth’s crust in mush as well as almost everything on the planet! The government knows something’s wrong and send Cap’n along with Peter & Judy to the center of the world to stop the worlds soggy situation. While down below, Cap’n meets a race of underworld monsters who join his fight and together they all bring down The Sogmaster and his canon with one simple box of Cap’n Crunch Cereal.

This is a quick comic filled with a silly story that pits Cap’n Crunch and The Sogmaster against each other, and the end battle is pretty un-epic and not exciting but yet so fitting for a cheesy give away comic of this nature. The story is simple; Sogmaster is mad and wants to take revenge not just on Cap’n but the whole world and uses a Sog cannon on the Earth’s core making everything up above soggy and gross.  He’s stopped by Cap’n Crunch and a box of his cereal. The art in the comic is good for this free comic but would not hold up for a comic that one had to pay for and would be considered very poor in Star Comics standards. In fact, I could not find a credit in the issue of who did the art, making one wonder: was he ashamed of it or was he told not to give himself credit? Cap’n Crunch is a silly hero but is very noble to the world and wants everyone to enjoy his crunchy cereal at any cost, even traveling to the center of the Earth to protect it and its eaters. Sogmaster in the issue just comes off as a bad guy who was born to loose and surrounds himself with brain dead henchmen who only slow him down.  While he loses a lot, he never rethinks his attacks making him easy to predict and easy to defeat. Not much more can be said about this comic besides the cover is well done and makes it seem way more epic than it actually.  Also, the issue should have been longer..yeah, so to sum it up, I would say it’s okay.

Breakfast mascots were a lot of fun for kids of the 60’s through the early 90’s before parent groups stepped in and took the fun out of everything.  I have many fun memories of Cap’n Crunch, the Trix Rabbit and Lucky and wish kids of today could also find a bond with their cereal and its spokesperson. This was a fun quick look back at a simple time when one fake junk food Cap’n worried the youth of the time by going missing and being kidnaped. Our next update however goes back to a series subject as we look at Frankenstein, and not just any Frankenstein but that of the 1910 version done by Thomas Edison’s film company and the amazing comic book done based on this one time “lost” film. So until next time, sit back, relax, eat a bowl of cereal and read a comic or two! And oh yeah Happy Super Bowl Day!

Walking In A Greasy McDonaldland

Welcome back!  I hope you all are having a fun and safe winter so far.  I used to love the winter when I was younger because there was always a chance of a snow day away from school, and if one did happen, that was a day spent playing Nintendo, reading a comic, watching a movie and playing toy wars! Of course this would also be a day of snow ball fights, that wonderful way to throw frozen ice balls at your friends face and pass it off as a fun time.  I remember having snow ball fights in Waynesville against my brother and friends like Mike Censsna, Bill Hamm, Brad Burns and so many more kids from the neighborhood.  This would also carry over to Kettering when I was working at Kroger as a teenager, and my pal Josh Weinberg and I would spend time throwing snowballs at each other while pulling carts. But one thing about winter always made me upset, the weather men who would predict snow and lots of it and poof, the next day not a flake had fallen.  Being a kid, I would stay up later the night before in my room reading comics or watching my little black and white TV and be grumpy the next day when I would find I would have to go to school. My brother Bryan and I use to always make fun of Carl Nichols, the weather man for Channel 2 who would predict “Winter Storms” and the next morning his reporting was wrong. But here is to winter and here is to all the fun memories that go along with this season, from building snowmen to sledding, this is a fun season to be a kid. Next update I will share a little more of my winter memories and fun times.

Fast food restaurants were running wild in the 1980’s, and most of them were all trying to get the youth of America to choose their place to eat over the others and would use all types of things from kid meal prizes to cookies to get customers’ money. The thing the worked for me to choose a place to eat was the mascots and TV commercials that would show the adventures of these characters, acting as 30 second TV shows hyping the cheap food and fun idea of that place to eat. Most places had some sort of mascot. Burger King had The Burger King Kingdom with guys like Magical Burger King and Sir Shakes A Lot, and later they had the Burger King Kids Club. Wendy’s had Wendy, the cute red head with the pigtails; Captain D’s had Captain D’s, the sailor who loved history and seafood; Dominos Pizza had the Noid, a creepy little guy in a red costume and rabbit ears and so many more.  But the one that always stood out and was super popular for kids back in my time was Ronald McDonald and the rest of McDonald Land characters who were the mascots for the mega burger chain McDonald’s. Everyone in the world would say that when it comes to fast food burger joints, McDonald’s is king, and I for one grew up loving the place. Growing up in Waynesville, there were no fast food chains in downtown.  All we really had was The Hammel House, Dagwoods, Village Family Restaurant and The Dairy Corner, and all were very good and classic style small town restaurants. The Dairy Corner was a place my Mom would take us a lot, and I can remember always ordering a cheeseburger and fries and and enjoying sitting with my family and enjoying the food.  A few times over the years I would drive to Waynesville with girlfriends or friends, and we would eat at the Dairy Corner. Sadly it’s gone now and where once a fun ice cream shop that served food was alive, now sits a shell of a building. Why did it close up you ask.  Well one of the major reasons was the coming of McDonald’s, the first major fast food place to enter the small village of Waynesville and later came Subway. But while it’s gone, Dairy Corner will never be forgotten by this comic book reader.

In 1940 Richard and Maurice McDonald opened up a restaurant that was a BBQ place, but in 1948 they changed into a hamburger joint and started to use drive-thru service, paving the way of “Fast Food” along side White Castle. In 1955, Ray Kroc became a partner in the company and later bought out the brothers to become the owner of McDonald’s, and he turned it into the The King of Fast Food with changes in how the company ran and franchises it supported.  But the buyout was not a smooth one as Kroc and the brothers feuded over the business, and this went on for years. Kroc won the battle, and McDonalds expanded outside the United States and has restaurants all over the world. The restaurant is known for selling hamburgers, chicken nuggets, milkshakes, fish sandwiches and McRibs and has expanded its menu to cafe-style drinks, chicken wings and gourmet salads. McDonald’s also was a pioneer in kids meals when they introduced The Happy Meal in 1979 that had food placed in a box or bag that came with a toy.  Growing up, I loved to a Happy Meal and eat the tasty food and also collect toys based on the likes of The Muppet Babies, Barensteen Bears or Charlie Brown. McDonald’s is still the top fast food joint in the world and it continues to evolve and stay on top by doing so.

I don’t eat McDonald’s very often, but I still do enjoy it from time to time.  The charm of the place has been lost to me once they cut back on using Ronald McDonald and phased out the rest of the McDonald Land characters. But when I do go, I have a order that is a must for me and consists of the same items I have ordered for a very long time:  two cheeseburgers (sometimes a double cheese burger), a large french fries and a medium orange Hi-C.  The fries for me are the highlight of the meal, and I would say out of all the fast food places they have the best french fries followed by Burger King. I know some people will trash the food and spew out the same gargage that Morgan Spurlock did in his documentary Super Size Me, but if you don’t eat the food every day in extra-large portions, then you’ll be all right. I say if you’re out and are looking for a cheap burger, get yourself a Big Mac and enjoy it!

In 2013 McDonald’s unleashed on the market their own take on chicken wings when they put out Mighty Wings! My girlfriend and I love chicken wings and have tried every major wing place in our area.  For me, the four best have to be Roosters, Wing Zone, Buffalo Wild Wings (BW3s) and Fricker’s.  So when McDonald’s said they were getting into the wing game, I knew I had to try them. I was working hard on editing a Baron Von Porkchop episode and needed to take a break for lunch.  So I called up my Mom, and we decided to go to McDonald’s to get a quick bite to eat.  In the drive thru I saw the advertisement for Mighty Wings and ordered a 5 pack. I ate them before I touched my fries or took a drink from the Hi-C, and I must say they were pretty good.  They had a nice spice level, and the meat, while a little fatty, was very juicy and flavorful. The downside to them is price at almost a dollar a wing, and the meduim size of each wing makes you really wonder just how much you overpaid. But if you like wings and are looking for a snack, a 5 pack of Mighty Wings might just hit the spot.

Growing up I have many memories of McDonalds and many of them have to do with the whole McDonald land characters and merchandise. I can remember going to the local McDonald’s and pestering my Mom and Dad to get me a Happy Meal so that I could get the Baby Fozzie from the Muppet Babies on his rocking horse and they did! It always felt magical to open up the Happy Meal box with all the cool artwork around it and pulling out your food and seeing what prize you got this time. It’s a shame that nowadays they have switched meals to putting them in a paper bag and put less time pushing these meals. Another thing that always stuck in my mind was The Apple Pie Tree statue that was placed inside the stores and also outside in the playground area.  The giant grinning face also made you as a kid feel welcome. I can remember climbing all over the Tree with my brother and cousin Norman.  The Tree is burned into my memories and if I ever get a house in the country like I want, a McDonald’s Tree will for sure be in the backyard. Another memory has to be the birthday parties that McDonald’s would have.  I can remember going to one for my cousin Norman and having a fun time on the playground and being around my family. I remember the cake not being all that great but thinking it was cool to see all the McDonaldland characters on it, but to be honest I dislike cake and am not a fan of it at all. So there you have it, Ronald McDonald and his magic fast food are apart of my youth, and I am okay with that.

McDonaldland pull back racers aka Fast Macs were a hit with me and my brother Bryan.  I can remember getting them and turning our kitchen in Waynesville into a drag strip as my brother and I would race them. He had gotten the Hamburgler in a slick red dragster built for speed and tricks, while I had Officer Big Mac in a bulky yet fast police car. We spent awhile racing them, and most the time they would crash into the kitchen table or get caught up on the walls.  I can remember losing a lot in the races, but I am sure that my brother bent the rules in his favor by saying things like “if I pop a wheelie, I win the race.” Later on we got Ronald McDonald in his yellow car of doom and Birdie in her pink race car. Over all these were great cheap toys that delivered a lot of fun for the Brassfield Brothers.

Besides the Fast Macs and The Muppet Babies toys, I also remember liking the Changeables aka McRobots who were generic style Transformers that would change from food items into simple robots. I had a few of these growing up and would use them in toy war and even had them get crushed many times by Transformers and GoBots. The simpleness of these changing robots was their charm, and the fact that McDonalds jumped on the popular 80’s robot boom was a given. My favorite was the Big Mac one because my brother and cousins all use to say he was the leader of the others much like Optimus Prime and Leader One were in charge of their robot friends. The second best one was the milk shake one who in my mind was like the right hand man and the fighter of the group. The store I am the manager of has an Amazon store, and I have sold many of these McRobots to the masses! I am sure many of you readers have a smile on your face as you are now thinking back on these generic transforming robots.

Not only were robots and fast food places big in the 80’s but so were collector glasses that restaurants, pop companies and even gas stations would sell and give out. Growing up I remember drinking Coke out of a Superman glass or strawberry milk from a Bugs Bunny one. Even as an adult as I am writing this I am drinking water from a Rocky The Squirrel glass put out by Pepsi. I know many of these glasses used lead paint so maybe that explains why I still love to read Star Comics. Some of the cool ones that were put out at this time were the 1977 McDonaldland character glasses.  You could choose from Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac, Captain Crook and the others! Collector glasses are awesome and always helped add to a bland meal at home.  Sitting at the kitchen table and having to eat spinach chicken and peas was always a terrible time, but add in a Batman glass filled with Kool-Aid and the meal is still bad but a little easier to have to deal with. I have many of the McDonaldland glasses as well as many other character glasses and these are a super fun and cool way to make drinking fun. You can find these cool glasses on Ebay, Thrift Stores and Flea Markets.

Now that I have given you all a rundown on some of the cool stuff about McDonald’s we should now get to the main course of this mind meal and take a look at all the characters that made up the magical Mcdonaldland. Before we get into the main cast, let’s take a small look at three that did not make it to the land.

Speedee

Speedee is a hamburger headed chief who was the mascot for McDonalds from 1948-1962. Speedee’s main purpose was to show how fast your food would get to you after you placed your order. Speedee sadly never caught on and was phased out and replaced by the 1st Ronald McDonald in 1962. While gone for many years now, Speedee will never be forgotten by fans and historians of the fast food burger place he promoted.

Ronald McDonald # 1 

The original Ronald McDonald is nothing like the one we all know and love.  He was dubbed The Ham-Burger Happy Clown and wore a tray on his head, a magic tray belt that kept him supplied with hamburgers and a paper cup on his noise. This original Ronald was slightly creepy, and his voice was deeper and kind of menacing. He really loved to push hamburgers and tried to befriend kids to follow him back to McDonalds…wait, doen’t this kind of sound like Pennywise the Clown from the Stephen King Novel IT? Years later his look was changed and became the more iconic version of the character we all know and love. To me this first version was like the modern’s weird and crazy brother who later was locked up in the McDonaldland Asylum of Mental Health. I should note that Willard Scott played the original Ronald McDonald on TV in the D.C. area, who is known for being a weatherman on NBC, and this version started in 1962.

Mac Tonight

McDonald’s was going to start staying open late nights via the drive-thru and needed a way to let people know.  So enter the moon headed, sunglasses wearing, piano playing Ray Charles style Mac Tonight. Mac Tonight started in 1986 and was a smooth operator and gained a following with young and old and became a main stay of McDonald’s ads. Mac Tonight was so big that his image was used for over 20 commercials, was made into Happy Meal Toys and was used to great customers along side Ronald McDonald. But the moon headed man’s fun ended in 2007 when he got a CGI make over and started to be used less and less. While his image can still be seen on signs at McDonald’s, this jazz loving moon man’s popularity has dropped. Here’s hoping at some point he will rise to the charts of mascot history and be used properly once more.

So with this let’s get into the cast of characters that made up McDonaldLand! I will try and make these brief and just give you a little background of each iconic mascot.

Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald is a fun loving clown who loves to bring joy and food to his friends thanks to McDonalds. Ronald is the ring leader of all the characters in McDonaldland and has many friends all over the world and even on other planets. Ronald is also very active and likes to go out a play sports and enjoy nature making him a very energetic. Ronald is always in a good mood and makes the mood of any room rise and turns frowns upside down. He is also the face of McDonald’s and is so popular his image has been made into toys, shirts, comics, video games, and he even had a cameo in the movie “MAC AND ME” . Ronald McDonald is more recognizable to children than JFK, Abe Lincoln, Magical Burger King and many more famous people and mascots from around the world. Ronald is the man and remains one of the most iconic characters of all time. 

Grimace

1971 was the year kids were introduced to a giant purple character named Evil Grimace with four arms who loved soda and milkshakes and would steal them! In 1972/74 two arms disappeared, and Evil was dropped from his name and the lovable dimwitted Grimace became a well loved mascot for McDonald’s. Grimace acts as the comic relief of McDonaldland and is Ronald’s best friend. Even after turning good, Grimace still loved a good milkshake and soda as does his uncle known as O’Grimacey who loved the St. Patricks Day themed Shamrock Shake. Sadly Grimace was put into mascot retirement in 2011. Grimace in his prime had his image used for toys, cartoons, video games and even cookie cutters. Grimace is one of my favorite characters of McDonald’s. 

Birdie The Early Bird

In 1980 an egg fell in McDonaldland. Ronald showed it love and it hatched to be Birdie a yellow female bird who is a terrible flyer and loves breakfast food! Birdie is much like Grimace and is very clumsy and is the first official female character mascot for McDonald’s. Over the years and many different forms of media Birdie has learned karate and even try to find aliens. Birdie has been used to sell toys, video games and dolls. Biride sadly was sent to the Mascot retirement home in 2011 alongside other characters from McDonald’s. 

The Hamburglar

In 1971, a pint size thief entered McDonaldland, and he had one thing on his mind: to steal hamburgers!  When first seen by viewers, he was older with a big nose and was called The Lone Jogger.  In the 1980’s he was transformed into a younger guy who while bad, became friends with all the other characters. Hamburglar spoke gibberish and his catch phrase was “Robble Robble” and was the second major villain to be introduced in the commercials. During the 80’s I always remember him being one of the most popular characters with kids wanting to collect his toys that were in Happy Meals. Sadly like Birdie and Grimace, he joined them in the mascot retirement home in 2011. 

Mayor McCheese

In 1971 Mayor McCheese was the silly cheeseburger headed Mayor of McDonaldLand, who tried so hard but was a little dimwitted and relied on the help of Ronald and the rest of the gang. The Mayor spoke with a giggly voice and was mostly a background character for the company. The Mayor was voted out of power in 2008 as McDonald’s sent him to the mascot retirement home. Mayor McCheese remains a popular character and has become a pop culture icon thanks to the internet and shows like Family Guy.

Officer Big Mac

Law and Order was brought to McDonladland in 1970 as Officer Big Mac was on the case to bust the likes of The Hamnurglar and Captain Crook! Officer Big Mac was a by the book character who was the main source of law in the land, also making him one of the good guys. Big Mac was phased out in the 1980’s and made a small appearance in 2008 before being sent to that sad place known as mascot retirement. While remembered, Officer Big Mac did not gain cult status like his fellow hamburger headed friend Mayor McCheese. 

Captain Crook

Starting in 1970, the people of McDonaldland’s Filet-O-Fish were in big trouble as a pirate named Captain Crook took to the waterways and began stealing this sandwich, making him the first official bad guy of the land. Captain Crook was close friends to The Hamburglar and would translate his mumbles. Crook also spent a lot of time trying not to be captured by Officer Big Mac who always had his eyes on the beady eyed pirate.In the 1980’s  Captain Crook started to be phased out, and in 1999 he was sent to that retirement home for mascots. 

The Professor 

1971 was the year that a grey haired old man known simply as The Professor also made his mark in McDonaldland and was the inventor for the magical land. At first he was just a minor character, and later he became a major one that was given even a lightbulb hat. But like many other of his friends he was set to the retirement home for good in 2001 but not before being in a few cartoons and a video game. 

Happy Meal Gang/Hamburger Patch/McNugget Buddies/Fry Guys

The Happy Meal Gang was a group of talking food items such as a hamburger, fries and a cold drink who were all friends of Ronald and brought joy to customers. They were introduced in 1984 and were later joined in 1989 by the McNugget Buddies who later would replace the Happy Meal Gang altogether. In 1973 The Hamburger Patch was the main talking food and were hamburgers that grew on plants and were picked to be eaten by Ronald and customers.  They were phased out in the mid 80’s. The Fry Guys were odd colored short shaggy creatures who like to steal and eat french fries who were introduced in 1972.  They were so popular that they were used all the way till 2008. So many fun and odd talking food characters!

CosMc

In 1980-1985 Ronald McDonald and his gang of friends also befriended an alien from space who had many arms and wore a giant round space suit! He was a kind character who always wanted to trade McDonald’s food and wanted to share the great taste of the food with his people. CosMc was not a mainstay character and was used only a handful of times.  He did however make it into a video game and animated series based on the characters of the restaurant. I should also note he spoke like a surfer dude.

So there was a very quick rundown of some of the amazing McDonaldland characters.  I tried to make them all brief for if we broke them down too much, we would be here for another few pages of who epic and amazing they are! So now you know a little about them and your mind is recharged with memories of these characters making it time for the comic reviews that were free give aways and were called McDonaldLand Comics! I just want you all to remember I grade these on a standard 1-4 star rating and base it on entertainment value, quality of the story, the art and how true it stays to the source martial, and I would like to think Mile High Comics and Amazon for having these comics in stock.

McDonaldland Comics  # 101  **1/2
Released in 1976   Cover Price FREE   McDonald Corp. Comics   #101 of 102

It’s America’s 200^th birthday, and Mayor McCheese has gotten an invitation to be a guest at the country’s huge birthday party! The Mayor invites Ronald, Officer Big Mac, The Professor and Grimace to go along with him on a magical train, and they decide to leave Captain Crook and Hamburglar back in McDonaldland to watch after things. Crook and Hamburglar sneak aboard the train, and they all take a tour of the amazing sites of America. But along the way the Captain Crook falls from the flying train and could be lost as they arrive at the party! The second small story in the issue is about The Hamburglar who is giving up stealing hamburgers, but now is stealing things that begin with the letter H!

The first story is a silly adventure that is a way for Ronald McDonald to teach the readers American history.  So while you as a youngster read this, you were also learning! It’s odd how in this issue the bad guys of the land, Hamburglar and Captain Crook, are supposed to be the ones left behind to watch over things.  Now don’t they like to steal and cause panic…so why would they want to leave them behind? Plus Officer Big Mac seems to be a one trick pony in the issue and repeats about the railroad being too bumpy and about arresting people.  Ronald is clearly the ringleader of the group as his word is law, and at one point he is being questioned by a cop and escapes without showing his ID so he won’t be late for the party! The story is short and ends with a cliffhanger as they get to the party but Captain Crook has fallen from the train that is flying now, so did he die? The next issue I hope will explain this. The second back up story of Hamburglar stealing things that start with an H is just a cheesy joke as the rest of the comic is filled with puzzles and such. The artwork is great and has that classic 70’s kid comic look and each character looks like they should. The cover is also pretty cool, and I am sure in 1976 kids picked up this free issue like crazy! So over all this is a fun and average free restaurant comic that was worth a read. I am going to say that the best character in this first issue would have to be Ronald McDonald himself followed by Captain Crook.  So with this let’s move onto issue 2!

McDonaldland Comics  # 102  **1/2
Released in 1976   Cover Price FREE   McDonald Corp. Comics   #102 of 102

The McDonaldland gang is gearing up for a silly version of the Olympics that include pogo stick jumps, and hamburger dashes! The gang that includes Ronald, Captain Crook, Hamburglar and Grimace are going up against The Fry Guys! But late the night before the event, a short man named Sneak-Snoop Snoggly of the Sneak-Snoop race who live in the hills comes to town and causes mischief and pranks on all the group! The pranks leave Mayor McCheese falling down a hole, Grimace squashing a giant tomato and Ronald’s pogo stick spring being so tight that he bounces up way to high and smacks into a bird! In the end they confront Snoggly who in turns falls of a high dive board and wins a medal that puts a smile on his face and all is well again in McDonaldland. The second mini story of this issue is about The Professor taking the gang around again on the flying train to see historic sites from around the USA and uses a machine that lets them see the past in the spots they are visiting.

The McDonaldland Olympic Games are filled with silly things that kids would have fun doing, pogo sticks and bouncing, sounds like Field Day events to me! This time around a trickster is causing issues in the fast food land and almost leads to Ronald’s and a bird’s death as they collide in the air and both are stunned. It’s clear that Captain Crook must have lived after his fall in issue one as he is in the Olympic Games, though they should have some how worked in how it all worked out. This main story as well only really highlights Ronald as the rest of them all take back seats, and this is to be expected as Ronald is the main mascot for the company. The second story seems a little lacking and is just more history lesson left over from the first issue.  While very informative, I wish they would have not repeated the American History lesson. The rest of the comic issue is filled with puzzles and such and I am sure had kids of the time entertained. Over all the first story is pretty fun though I wish had a little more to it.  The second story is just okay, making this issue another average issue but well worth the read, and the price it coast when it was released…FREE. 

One has to wonder why McDonaldland Comics only lasted two issues when Big Boy and Captain D’s both had comic series going at the time and years after even. One has to wonder if the cost of making the free comic just didn’t outweigh the payout of making kids have a collectors item based around their mascots. I for one would have loved to have gotten comics for free based on these characters in the 80’s and would have looked forward to getting an issue anytime we ate there. The comic series really focused on Ronald and that makes sense with the surprise two characters that seemed to get a lot of panel time being The Professor and Captain Crook. Hamburglar, Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac all had solid roles to play in the two issues, and Grimace was almost a second thought and offered very little to the story lines, and that’s a shame cause he would have been a perfect character for a kids comic. The art, as I stated before, is great and would have been right at home if Star Comics was going in 1976.  The covers were both very well done and eye catching and better than any other free restaurant comic cover. I wish that McDonald’s would bring back all these classic characters for this modern generation who are lacking the fun wonders of mascots.  I also wish they would bring back free comic books based on these characters, and I also wish they would stop being the target of parent groups and TV “chefs” who want to make a name for themselves by attacking the worlds largest burgar chain. Well the chill in the air is telling me it’s time to go, but before we do I must tell you readers that next update will be on Christmas Eve and will be all about Thundercats! So make sure to come back and give it a read! Till then, have a great holiday season, read a comic or two and eat a Big Mac.