Who Are The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos?

If you grew up reading comic books like I did in the 80’s and 90’s, you remember the big boom that happened for Indie Comic publishers after the massive success of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Mirage where companies sprang up like weeds with their own dreams of creating the next fighting animal based hero team. For many, as quickly as they sprang up, they soon found themselves debunked and just a grain of sand in the comic world. And worst of all, when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got their own cartoon and toy line many, companies tried to cash in that was as well, and while some found footing, many of these cash in’s also bit the dust. In fact I have covered some of these copycats here on Rotten Ink like Biker Mice From Mars, Toxic Crusaders, Stone Protectors and Old Age Green Fighting Gerbils over the years of writing this blog. And while searching the comic stores and online outlets, I discovered that one company cranked out more TMNT knock offs then any other indie company going and that was Blackthrone! So for this update, we are going to scrap once more some of the gunk off the bottom of a soggy comic box that is rotting in the basement of a long closed comic shop and cover the TMNT knock off series the Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos! So if you’re ready to dive into the world of knock offs and generic rip offs, let’s see what these slimy green skinned heroes have in store for us.

In modern time comics, I feel like no indie comic series has changed the landscape like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did back in the late 80’s as it made indie creators feel like they could bring the world the next big hit that was not made by DC or Marvel Comics that would be on readers’ pull lists and become a must own series that would spark movies, toys and cartoon. The only thing that comes to mind would be maybe Walking Dead by Image Comics as it helped usher in a rebirth of zombie Horror Comics and made Horror Comic creators feel like they could make a big scary indie comic hit series that would strike a nerve with readers. But to tell you the truth, while Walking Dead is a good series I still feel it has not reached the iconic level of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who have spanned decades of being popular and in all types of media keeping them fresh and popular. Plus I feel that Walking Dead was not a fully original idea series and took lots from zombie comics made by Arrow and Aircel without properly creating them. Keep in mind I do very much enjoy Walking Dead even though I am not a big fan of Robert Kirkman or most of his other writing in comics. So with this update while I am covering a comic series that clearly was cashing in on them, I want to say that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are clear icons of comic books and that they have to be at the top of any list when it comes to the most impactful characters to come out of the world of indie comics.

The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos were created by the team of William Clausen and Michael Kelley in 1986 as a way to parody as well as cash in on the popularity of the TMNT. They first appeared in their self-titled comic series the Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos, and it was a moderate hit for publisher Blackthorne who wanted more and more issues to ride the successes. But while the readers were around and enjoying it and the publisher was happy with the series, it had issue keeping up to release dates and delivering new issues to comic shops, and this caused pressure as well as stress on the series production. In fact, when issues fell behind Blackthorne even created a new one-shot issue series called Rivit about a humanoid frogman to fill the void for radioactive enhanced animal people…and yes, I will cover it at some point here at Rotten Ink. But while Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos was popular for a short time and lasted for five issue, it lost steam in 1987 and was canceled from Blackthorne’s releases. Now while looking up info on why it was canceled I found a number of different theories with one being the title dropped big in sales when readers got sick of the rip off TMNT titles and just stopped buying them. Another reason I heard was that the creators being behind so much and running out of ideas lead to the comic’s doom. And the last reason I found was that publisher Blackthorne was having financial issues and they were forced to cut many titles in order to save money and cut costs. No one will really know the reasons why Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos was cancelled besides those who worked for Blackthorne, but what is known is that they made a mark on indie comics and entertained readers who enjoyed the spawns of the Turtles.

I first discovered the Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos in the mid 90’s thanks to Mavericks Cards And Comics who had some issues in their back issue section for a little over cover price. I ended up getting a copy of the first issue when my parents took my brother and I to the comic shop to get a few issues to read one winter break, and while grabbing some Marvel Comics as well as Horror Comic and Rock N Roll Comics, it was in my stack and I can remember reading it and laughing it off as being very cheesy and never really tracked down the other issues until many years later. Like all kids of the time I was a massive TMNT fan and would watch the cartoon and movies, read the Archie Comic adventures and would get as many of the Playmates figures as I could grab. And while I was annoyed and made fun of all the Turtle knock-off products, I still for some reason also very much enjoyed them and Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos was one of the comic rip-offs that has always stuck out to me. So it’s been really fun to revisit and reread this comic series for this update and see how I feel about them now as an older comic reader. But really this also makes me miss Blackthorne as a comic publisher as they did all type of knock-off books as well as very cool classic reprints and adaptations and media tie ins.

The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos might be a very cheesy fighting animal cash in comic series that never hit the success of the Teenage Turtles, but it did deliver its own tiny legacy to those who bought the issues and enjoyed reading the knock off comics. While writing this I must say I do miss Blackthorne Publishing and wish they would have lasted longer than 1990 as who knows what cool comic one shots and series could have landed in our hands. For this update I want to thank Bell Book And Comic and Lone Star Comics for having all the issues in stock. I want to remind all you readers like a broken record that I grade these comics on a star scale of 1 to 4 and am looking for how well the comics stay to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story. So if you are ready, let’s see what these Chameleon Commandos have to offer when it comes to kicking bad guy butt!

Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos # 1  **1/2
Released in 1986     Cover Price $1.75     Blackthorne    # 1 of 5

The US Government has hired scientist Doctor Poindexter to work on a serum that will turn regular lizards into walking, talking, fighting machines and pay him lots of money to do so! His experiments work great, and so the team of the Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos is born with members like Sarge, Rivit, Radion and Nerves all who have their own strengths and abilities. Poindexter ends up looking at these human sized fighting lizards as his own children and they look at him as their father, but one day a group of masked terrorist fighters from the Night Brigade enter the lab and kidnap him and leave our heroes ready to get him back! The Commandos also get a new Doctor to watch after them and help them on their mission to get Poindexter back by the name of Wurmhauser who gets them on a plan and to the location of the Night Brigade. Once at the terrorist base, the Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos face all types of baddies and attempt to save a pair of Ambassadors that have been taken hostage. In the end the Commandos find out that Poindexter is not there, and they must go on another mission to save him as the Night Brigade prepare for war.

I hate to say this, but I found Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos to be a fun and solid TMNT knock off comic that had likable characters and a goof yet classic cheesy storyline. The plot for the first issue has a batch of lizards being injected with an experimental serum that turns them into human sized soldiers who are forced into battle in order to save the Doctor who created them when he is taken by terrorist. Once at the battle zone, they soon find that they are not the only super powered animals in the world as the terrorist group have their own army of them. The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos are a group of three mutated lizards that are skilled fighters and can not only use weapons but can also use their animal abilities. Thus far I think my favorite of the Commandos is Rivit who is a frog and seems like the badass of the group and who can use his tongue and mighty legs in battle. Doctor Poindexter is a skilled scientist who looks at his creations as his own kids, but I for one also get the vibe he is not the super nice caring man they think he is and if I had to guess I would almost be so bold to say that he is working with the terrorist and have created all their animal humanoid fighters. As for Doctor Wurmhauser I am not so sure what his deal is as he is the one feeding the Commando’s plans but also is the one who speed up their serum treatments, makes me wonder if he is as well not what he seems and has dark motives. But the answers to those questions about those doctors I hope will be answered later on in the series. The Night Brigade are a group of terrorist who are very feared, yet I am not 100% sure on what they do to strike terror in the hearts of the world as the only major act of terror they do is beat up and kidnap a doctor and I guess make mutated animal people to be their warriors for terror. The issue moves along at a great pace and delivers some great indie tongue in cheek action and proves that some TMNT Knock Offs can and are entertaining! The cover is eye catching and has that Blackthorne look, and interior art is done by Michael Kelley is well done. So let’s see what issue two has in store for us!

Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos # 2 **
Released in 1986     Cover Price $1.75     Blackthorne      # 2 of 5

The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos are now heroes and the world loves them, as they are now somewhat celebrities! They are being watched by the evil crime boss Overlord who wants them destroyed, and they also get a singing telegram from Doctor Poindexter to meet him in California and get a microchip and our heroes gear up and head out. While in California they are in disguise and run into a street gang who tries to rob them, but the gang soon ends up being slaughtered and left dead in the streets. The Overlord sends a group of Moles to follow The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos to Doctor Poindexter and to bring him the chip. When our heroes find the good old crazy Doctor, he is attacked and killed by the moles as Chameleon Commandos fight the moles and slaughter them all for killing their dear friend. In the end a Government agent shows up and takes the microchip to the President as the Chameleon Commandos find out that the Doctor Poindexter that was killed was an imposter and a man in a rubber mask, and now they want answers.

This second issue is a little sloppy and the plot is paper-thin showing that I think the creators truly did have no major plans for the characters and it really was just a quick cash in to get readers money who enjoyed the TMNT. The issue’s plot has Doctor Poindexter holding a microchip that is needed and the Chameleon Commandos come to get it only for them all be attacked by moles and more mysteries and questions come up! In this issue the Chameleon Commandos are filled with egos as they are being loved by the people of America and think they are the next Superman or Spider-Man, but they also still maintain their killer instinct as they do not show any hesitation when it comes to killing scum that gets in their way. Not sure why but Rivit comes off as the most ego driven Commando in this issue, and it’s a shame cause it plays down his character and makes him feel generic. The Overlord seems to be a man who wants powers and does not want any do-gooders to get in his way! One of the issues mysteries that I cannot wait to see how it plays out is who is the fake Doctor Poindexter and why did the good Doctor send a fake to deliver the microchip? The cover for this issue is good and eye catching, the interior art is done by Michael Kelley, and I must say in many spots comes off very rushed and lacks the charm of the first issue. Over all this is just a so-so issue with no real heart behind it I still cannot wait to read issue three!

Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos # 3  *1/2
Released in 1986     Cover Price $1.75     Blackthorne      # 3 of 5

The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos are upset and want to know what has happened to their dear friend Doctor Poindexter who is like a father to them and they get even more worried when they find that the mask the imposter was wearing was made of human flesh! Chameleon Commandos decide that they think the government and the workers at the lab might be in on this and hack a computer and find the locations of two secret labs and head to the first to see if they can track down Poindexter who they truly think is in danger. Once inside the lab they take out guards and find the prisoners who they set free to help bring down the remaining guards. Once the Chameleon Commandos find Doctor Poindexter in a prison cell they find he has been mutilated and his tormentor has been waiting for him!

This issue feels like a full fledge filler issue that is filled with massive panels and splash pages and it’s clear this comic series was being made part for artistic love and part cause they wanted to make that quick TMNT cash! The plot has the Chameleon Commandos breaking into a lab to save their creator Doctor Poindexter who is being tormented by a bigheaded worker for our very own Government. And that’s pretty much it most of the issue just has the Chameleon Commandos running around and beating up guards while also slightly infighting among themselves as who should be the leader of the group. None of the Chameleon Commandos stand out in this issue and all come off just as generic gun shooting late 80s knock off characters. And it’s a shame as the first issue had so much potential to be a stand out from the pack of other clones, but by this third issue it’s clear they steam ran out after issue 1. The Bigheaded Doctor who is the film’s villain does come off as a true evil madman as he seems to get massive joy in the torture and disfiguring of his prisoners. The action in this issue is one part slapstick and one part brutal as the two different artist bring their own flavor to the rescue fight. The cover is misleading as the Snake Monster on the front is not in the issue, and the interior art is done by both Michael Kelley and William Clausen which also goes for the past issue with one being good and one being not my cup of tea. Over all this is a pretty lack luster issue and there is not much to talk about with it, so let’s move onto issue four.

Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos # 4  *1/2
Released in 1987     Cover Price $1.75     Blackthorne      # 4 of 5

The evil Wurmhauser captures most of the Chameleon Commandos and forces them along with Doctor Poindexter to watch a movie he made that is about taking all of them and mixing their body parts to make an ultimate solider! Meanwhile Nerves is the only member to have escaped the trap and finds himself being held at gun point by an insect that has questions. But the unlikely pair join forces and rush into the lab of Wurmhauser who kills the insect man and uses a chainsaw to remove the arm of nerves! As Nerves lies bleeding on the floor, Wurmhauser moves in for the kill!

Sad to say this is clearly another filler issue as not much goes on and its over packed with the massive panels to use up the page count. The plots is the Chameleon Commandos being captured by Wurmhauser who wants to experiment and create a Frankenstein Monster soldier from their body parts. The groups only hope is a wheelchair bound fly and team member Nerves. I must say that Wurmhauser is truly an evil man and again will do whatever he wants to his captives. The Chameleon Commandos are the same as always with Nerves being the standout as he shows he will do whatever he can to save his brothers in arms. But like before the plot is so paper thing and nothing really at all stands out as its clear that they had a nugget of an idea here that they smashed out to make bigger and longer than what is really presented. The cover is fun and eye catching and the interior art is the same as the last two issues and is a mix of good and so-so. So not much to say about this issue besides the wheelchair fly man is murdered and our heroes are captured and Nerves is very much injured. Let’s see what the final issue has in store for us and if it will wrap up or leave us on a cliffhanger that more than likely will never be resolved.

Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos # 5  ***
Released in 1987     Cover Price $1.75     Blackthorne      # 5 of 5

The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos land in the Swamp Of The Dead and have lost all their weapons in the bad landing and soon find themselves surrounded by zombies who want our heroes dead! As they fight off the dead they are joined by Beastie Fly a voodoo master who uses his powers to blow up the zombies and save the hides of the Chameleon Commandos. They follow him back to his cabin in the swamp and eat a good meal and during the battle they all discover a little about themselves and the fact they also have special powers that can help them in battle. The Overlord however is not happy as he is watching this take place via his monitors and he has set up the wreck and lack of weapons and now he has a plan to bring them down once and for all. While in the swamp our heroes are visited by Hazel The Swamp Witch who is very angry and starts to attack when a ship from the sky falls on her and Dorothy and the Tin Man appear! After the visitors from Oz leave the ship opens and a killer robot comes out sent by The Overlord to kill them! The Chameleon Commandos work together and bring the machine down and turn its body into a ship and fly themselves to a pool to have a relaxing and good time!

Ok this is crazy as this fifth and final issue is the best in the series and while I like it, I also am confused as to why they did a hard reboot to the series and never talk about how they got away from Wurmhauser and how Nerves still has his arm and is alive…I mean I get his arm probably grew back but still a very cheesy way to just start the series over. The plot has the Chameleon Commandos having and accident set up by The Overlord that leaves them in a swamp that has them facing the likes of zombies, a swamp witch and a giant robot in order to survive. This time around the Chameleon Commandos have personalities and each are unique and interesting Nerves while always scared finds his inner strength when he learns he can shoot fire and characters like Rivit is the muscle who has a hothead and is always looking for a fight. What’s odd though is this issue makes zero reference to the events from issue four nor do they even mention Wurmhauser or Doctor Poindexter showing that they really did wipe the series after issue one. Our new hero Beastie Fly is a little cheesy and all we really know about him is that he lives in a cabin in a swamp in Haiti, and to be honest he adds nothing to the story and was just a so-so character…in other words could have done without him. The Overlord is a man who hates the Chameleon Commandos and will do whatever it takes to bring them down and does so while wearing his mouse mask. The issue does a great job of blending both humor and action with a dash of cheese and it works very well! It’s a shame that the series did not find the right formula until this last issue and its also a shame that the series just ended….but at least it ended with a none cliffhanger ending. The cover for this issue is terrible and just showcases the lame Beastie Fly in all his lame glory, the interior art is great and done by Michael Kelley who in my opinion was the best artist on this book. Over all this series was filled with a good first issue a run of three issues that were bad and a final issue that was the best in the series showing why the TMNT Knock Off comics get a very bad name! Check out the artwork of Kelley’s below to see his style in this series and check out The Chameleon Commandos if you love cheesy rip off comics like I do.

So as you can see, The Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos is a comic series that has built a cult following on the facts it has a silly title and cheesy stories and while I am not a super fan of it, I still enjoy it even if many of the issues were below par and had no thought into them. But let’s leave the knock off world behind and lets take a look at one of my favorite comic heroes The Incredible Hulk! But we will not be taking a look at him in comic books, nor the movie and TV version…but we will be looking at him in the world of coloring books! Yeah you heard that right coloring books as Marvel back in the day teamed with companies and made comic like adventures with many of their heroes and I think its time we take a look at them. So until next time read a comic or three, watch a movie or two and as always support your local Horror Host! See you next time for a Hulk Smash colorful good time!

 

Old Age Green Fighting Gerbils!

Welcome back to Rotten Ink!  It’s crazy to think that we are in the month of December and that means we are once more approaching Christmas, that wonderful holiday filled with good food, great friends, cool presents and of course time with family and loved ones. I always have liked this time of the year as the cool air, the chance of snow and the fast pace of the holiday is always a magical time. I want you readers to think back to your youths.  Remember back to the holiday season and looking at Sunday paper ads from stores like Sears, Gold Circle and Hearts or even wandering the toy aisle of your favorite store like Toys R Us, Hills or Woolworth’s and seeing all the cool toys, board games and video games that you wanted to put on your list for Santa. Then remember back to the must have toys of the time of your childhood; was it Masters Of The Universe? The Nintendo Entertainment System? Tickle Me Elmo? Cabbage Patch Kids? Atari 2600? Hulk Hogan T-Shirt? or something else that every kid including yourself had to have…I can remember back to many of those times when every kid had to get Thundercats or the NES cart of Adventures Of Bayou Billy but one that lasted many Christmases I can truly remember was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures by Playmates! And even the Archie Comics series called “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Adventures” was super popular with my peers and classmates as everyone seemed to have Turtle Mania! With all popular things come the knock offs, and this update we will be taking another look at a comic series that tried to cash in on the popularity of the Ninja Turtles and that’s the Planet X comic series called The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils! So sit back, relax and have a fun time with me here at Rotten Ink as we scrap the bottom of the Knock Off Turtle Barrel and pull out the slimy sludge that is these Green Gerbils for this quick and quirky update! Oh and look at this knock off Popeye The Sailor below!

So many companies tried to cash in on the huge popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and in fact I have covered many of them here on Rotten Ink like The Toxic Crusaders, Biker Mice From Mars and The Stone Protectors, all of whom tried to capture the money and fame of the Turtles. Those are just a small few that attempted it and never reached it. But while the above mentioned cartoons/toys/comics at least had a fan base that allowed you to pick up their merchandise at major retail stores, there were some knock off toys that only flooded low end discount stores and flea markets. I mean how could the youth not want their very own Amicable Herculean figure that was nothing more than a normal person that came with a turtle costume and some versions of the figure that was just a turtle head on a normal ninja body…real classy and detailed figures these were not. Or who could forget New Style Ninja Tortoise, poorly made chubby Ninja Turtles who came complete with stickers on their stomachs that read “Tortoise.” These cheapies had no mark of quality. What about the amazing Heroes Of The World Fighter figures that had the turtles pint sized and wearing hoods with huge goofy grins on their faces whose molds were taken from the old Dungeon And Dragons toys. Or even one of my all time favorites Ninja Hero Rider that had frogs with eye patches riding horses with lily pads for shells…yes, it’s as cheesy as it sounds. And these are just a drop in the hat as I could go on and on with TMNT knock offs like Turtle Warrior all the way to Terror Toad and many more Mexican and Chinese made figures that flooded the market with poorly made toys that ruined many kids holidays and birthdays! But while many of these toys are super cheap and bad, they still hold a charm for many who did have them growing up and many hold some value now when looking to buy them online or from a vintage toy store. Check out some of these toys below, and man, Ninja Hero Rider needs to be made into a comic book and a homebrew NES Video Game…just saying.

But while toy aisles were flooded with cheap TMNT knock offs so were the comic stores with cheap imitation comics that all wanted to capture the success of the original Mirage TMNT black and white comic series that truly started the rabid fan base of the Turtles. Many independent comic companies blatantly tried to make their own series of comics based on some sort of animal that knew a fighting style and was some sort of age while other companies went the route of parodying it and making very silly comedy comics with the same formula. But one thing is for sure, this mass push of independent comics all following the same formula also really hurt the independent comics industry at the time as it flooded the shelves with poorly made and written comics that just burnt too many readers, and the companies just imploded on themselves as readers would have rather picked up an issue of Superman or Spider-Man for a cheaper price than read an animal fighter parody rip off comic that was made for a quick cash grab. Some of the worst offenders of this was 1986’s Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters from Eclipse Comics, as well as from 1986 from Planet X Comics and the topic of our update Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils! We also had that same year Mildly Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers from Just Imagine, Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos & Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu Kangaroos both from Blackthorne! Now I need to stress that I am not saying all these comics were bad as I enjoyed many of them when I was a youngster, and I am sure we will cover many of them here on my blog in the future. I just wanted to stress that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ruled the landscape of comics and toys for many years in the 80’s and early 90’s!

So as you can see, this update we are having a little fun at the expense of generic brand TMNT items as I figured this would also be a great way to combat the stress of this time of the year. Plus I have been itching to re-read the first issue of the Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils as I used to have this comic back in the day as I bought it at Mavericks Cards And Comics for like $1.00 and can remember reading it in my room in Waynesville. And now in 2017, I found the whole set of this series at Dark Star in Yellow Springs and knew I had to cover it this year. I want to also stress that the Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils started out in a comic series called “Prime Slime Tales,” and the creator of the Gerbils claims he is not a copy of the TMNT and that he got permission from the creator of the Turtles to make his own silly and off the way book based on the idea the made popular at the time…I think the laughable part of this all is he almost comes off acting as his rip off is more legit because of this blessing…call it what you want, but sorry Tony Basilicato, it is what it is and you were trying to cash in on the fame of the Turtles and made a knock off universe. So with this, let me remind you all that I grade these on a star scale of 1 to 4 and am looking for how well the comic stays to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story. So sit back and relax and let’s take a trip down memory lane with a comic series that is now in .25 bins far and wide!

Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils # 1  **1/2
Released in 1986     Cover Price $1.50     Planet X     # 1 of 3

At the Grubby Acres Rest Home, some very old gerbils are living the remainder of their lives arguing about the good old days of TV as well as just being grumpy toward each other. Our old and crabby heroes are Zeke, Duffer, Geezer and Codger, and they get a visit from the lovely Dr. Christina Proper who has a letter from their creator Dr. Milton Meltdown about an experiment he made called The Esoteric Rap that is a fake god and is now roaming loose in the world and to make things worse Samurai Sam, a simple minded brute with a massive sword is wondering the land and killing hot dog venders! The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils gear up to help stop The Esoteric Rap, and this is their first mission in over 30 years! As they make their way to Dr. Meltdown, the good Doctor is visited by his evil creation The Esoteric Rap who sets a trap for our heroes that will make them come face to face with Samurai Sam in a showdown to the death!

Okay, this comic is super silly and while it is making fun of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it really does have its own style and comedy that makes its own world seem important. The plot of issue one is: a batch of government created gerbils who are crime fighters are brought out of retirement in order to try and stop a created monster with a God complex, but with the time off our heroes are old and out of touch with the modern world of crime around them. Our heroes The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils are a team of four very old and grumpy gerbils who are Duffer, Geezer, Codger and Zeke all who have their own weird quirks as Duffer thinks he is still a crime-fighting machine, and Zeke spends every moment sleeping! So while we don’t get to know them all that well, I would say the The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils are just old goofs who know how to defend themselves and our short tempered and out of touch. Dr. Meltdown and Dr. Proper are government workers who do weird experiments that create life and while they do so with good attentions it appears that not all they do goes well! The Esoteric Rap is a floating monster who is childlike in nature yet also very ego driven as it views itself as a god. So far we as the reader don’t know what he is capable of, but I am sure it will be reveled in the upcoming issues. Samurai Sam is a massive chubby man who carries a huge sword who for some reason hates Hot Dog vendors and has bad flashbacks that makes him snap and attack them! Is Sam just a confused person or a killer this issue does not give us the answer but I would say he walks the line of both and I almost see him in the end teaming with The Gerbils to defeat The Esoteric Rap! While this is by all means a very silly comic that does not take its self serious it does have lots of heart and the characters and story is things that 80’s independent comics was made of. The cover is fun and eye catching and is trying so hard to get the attention of the TMNT readers of the time, and I for one would say it would have worked on me. The interior art is done by Tony Basilicato and is silly good stuff and is fitting for this kind of a comic and story. So to sum it up, this comic was just as fun as I remember it being from my youth and makes me look forward to reading issue two for the first time and seeing how this adventure of these Geriatric Gerbils plays out!

Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils # 2   **
Released in 1986     Cover Price $1.50     Planet X     # 2 of 3

The Esoteric Rap has in fact used mind control on Dr. Meltdown in order to lead The Geriatric Gerbils to a trap fight with Samurai Sam who is ready to slice and smash our heroes and with some dumb luck of spitting false teeth in the eye of the raging Samurai, our heroes are able to escape for a short time in order to try and come up with a game plan. But they made one mistake as they left the sleeping Zeke behind who is now been snatched and about to be crushed to death by massive hands of Sam! As Samurai Sam is about to crush Zeke, the sleeping Gerbil awakens and blasts the massive Samurai away with a fart! As the other Gerbils rush to their friend who saved the day, the evil The Esoteric Rap uses his power and turns Geezer back into a normal gerbil and is about to eat him when Zeke aims and fires one more fart at the fake god as his pals hold a match causing a gassy fireball to hit The Esoteric Rap….but we will have to wait till the next issue to see if it worked!

The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils are out matched when coming face to face with Samurai Sam and once more its shows these old heroes just don’t have what it takes to be the crime fighters they once were. And to beat their massive opponent they use a fart that levels him…yep, this comic, as you can see, does not take itself seriously at all and the ultimate weapon our heroes have is massive farts! The main thing that happens in this comic besides the fact passed gas defeats both of the issues enemies is that Geezer is turned into a normal baby gerbil, and this could be the end of The Geriatric Gerbils as we readers know them! Samurai Sam while a brute and super aggressive seems to be more than a match for The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils as a whole, but was not ready for Zeke and his butt vapor powers. The Esoteric Rap is a egotistical super powerful false God creature who can control life and death it’s self and while he has all the power in the world he as well is no match for poop gas escaping from the backside of Zeke! The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils are heroes but they not super powerful and by luck is the only way they seem to be winning these fights! Zeke is clearly the MVP of the team as this sleeping goof is the one who has won the fights for them thanks to his gas. While this issue loses a little of the charm of the first, it still is a silly good read that entertained me on the night of reading. The cover for this one is pretty lame and just shows an arm with the Earth on a string and is not eye catching at all.  The interior art was done by Tony Basilicato again and seems a little rushed this time around. So over all this one is kind of one big fart joke and is fun, goofy and silly and worth a read for fans of TMNT knock off comics.

Geriatric Gerbils # 3  **
Released in 1987     Cover Price $1.50     Planet X     # 3 of 3

The Esoteric Rap has been defeated by the flaming fart of Zeke, but the explosion has also left him as well as Duffer and Codger knocked out with only baby Geezer awake! As his friends are knocked out baby Geezer remembers back to when they were all babies and they had to be dropped off at a daycare by Dr. Meltdown that was for gifted mutated youngsters and they meet Dr. Bombastic The Mad Bomber who wants to use all the gifted babies he is watching to join is crime wave. Well this alerts the Geriatric Gerbils to his evil plans, and they try and stop him as he sets a giant robot free on the city and Zeke takes out Dr. Bombastic with a lethal fart and along with the other gifted babies, they enter the city to try and stop the robot who makes the mistake of eating Zeke who once more lets out a fart that destroys the robot. We cut back to present day and baby Geezer is happy in his memories as his friends still are knocked out.

I am sure you noticed this third and final issue had a name change as it was cut down to just Geriatric Gerbils and that it ends with our heroes being knocked out and Geezer still being a baby and all the major baddies have been beat by farts. I think the silly nature of this series was lots of fun but also the over use of all the bad guys being defeated by farts is what lead to this being the final issue in the series. The story of this issue has the Geriatric Gerbils being babies and teaming up with babies of The X-Men in order to beat a crazy mad doctor who is hell-bent on ruling the world. The Geriatric Gerbils even as youngsters are goofy, cranky heroes who are not as skilled as they think but have enough luck and gas on their side to win. The X-Men babies are background players and in order to not be sued they are not said by name and for the most part don’t do anything in the final battle. The Evil Robot tries what he can to cause chaos and destruction but in the end is not match for one baby gerbil’s bad gas. Dr. Bombastic is a conman who runs a mutant baby daycare in order to try and get an army of baby troopers who is outsmarted and defeated when he crosses the path of our hero Gerbils. This sort lived comic series was a fun read, and I would say that this should have ran at least two more issues and then gone to the big comic rack in the sky as while fun it could easily also ran its course with its simple stories and same crude gimmick of farts and grumpy old gerbils. The bad guys never really got to shine as they always seemed to be dangerous until the fight started and each are defeated by the same means…and yes, it’s getting very lame having to keep talking about gerbil farts! The art is once more done by Tony Basilicato and is on par with the other two issues and the cover is pretty cool and shows baby Geezer stumbling around trying to do jujitsu. Over all this TMNT knock off comic series was lots of fun even if it was a one trick pony that’s stories were rice paper thin and the series never got a real true ending and was just one dig fart joke that the creator claimed was not a TMNT rip-off. So if your enjoy silly comics about talking animals that know martial arts this short lived series is for you! Check out the artwork below to see the glory that is the Geriatric Gerbils.

The weather outside is chilly and Christmas is getting closer and I want to say that I hope you don’t get a pile of gifts under your tree that is filled with knock-off toys, games, watches, cloths and comics running your holiday…well unless your odd like me and enjoy the weirdness of these generic knock-off items! And I hope you enjoyed our look at The Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils and their three-issue run they had back in the late 80’s and while they might not have been ground breaking like the TMNT they ripped off, they did make their mark on the world of comics and added crude juvenile humor to their approach of showcasing talking animals who are heroes and know how to fight. But with the Gerbils behind us and my work getting busy, I think it’s time to once more bring in Juliet to be a guest blogger for me and have her share some Holiday cheer with you all! So for our next update Juliet will be covering The California Raisins and will share some Christmas memories and her connection to her topic of choice. So until next time stay warm, read a comic or three, watch a Christmas Movie or two and as always support your local Horror Host! Until next time readers and friends make sure to spend some time with your loved ones and take a few moments to remember this time of year from your youth.