From Horror Comic To Horror Movie: Killer Condom

The world of Horror in film and comics has all types of killers and monsters that make them up, from masked slasher killers to blood sucking vampires and everything in between. In this new update, we will be taking a look at a comic book that sparked an independent horror comedy movie that’s about a ravenous contraceptive condom monster! I will let that set in for a moment…and I am sure by now you know I am talking about the Troma film called Killer Condom.  This will be a From Horror Movie To Horror Comic that has a twist as it was not a movie first but was a comic that was turned into an independent Horror Movie. Here in the US, the film is better known as the comics were German and not really released here until the movie was released. So if your ready to dive into this From Horror Comic To Horror Movie update (see what I did here) lets practice some safe comic reading and explore the weird world of the Killer Condom.

It’s time to take a look at our monster killers that just so happen to be a bunch of condoms with teeth! The Killer Condoms are living organisms that do not have to eat to stay alive but do enjoy biting the privates off males. The Killer Condoms were created by a captive Professor who created them for an overly religious female doctor who thought she was doing God’s work by killing off people she viewed as impure. They are living organisms who attack males and sometime females when they least expect it. While they are a pack, they only mutilate their victims one at a time, and when they attack, they go for blood. The Killer Condoms look like regular condoms up until they turn killer and then they grow flexible razor sharp teeth, are slimy inside and turn from playful to blood thirsty crotch butchers in seconds. Killer Condoms use their teeth to chomp of their victim’s targeted area from private parts all the way to noses. They also can use the element of surprise in order to sneak attack as no one suspects a condom will kill! The weakness of the Killer Condoms is that while they do have a brain, they are not that smart and can be tricked. They also can be killed by gunshots and other manner of attacks humans can inflict on them. So while they mostly only chomp off private parts and are killable, the Killer Condoms are still a pack of evil little monsters who are a threat to mankind and who have a very wicked bite!

So as you can see, the Killer Condoms are true pint size terrors who have terrorized in the world of comics as well as film…and that brings us to the part of the update where we will need to take a look at the film that was made based on these little critters. I will get the film’s plot from our pals at IMDB, and I will write a little about the films production as well as my link to watching the film for the first time. So lets get to our look at Killer Condom in the world of cinema.

Killer Condom (1996)

“The plot takes place in New York, and in the present. In a Hotel called “Quicky” a professor blackmails a student of his into having sex with him. But when the professor puts on a condom, the carnivorous condom bites off his penis and disappears. Detective Mackaroni who gets the case thinks that the college girl just bit off her teacher’s penis! Mackaroni goes to the motel himself to check out the crime scene, in the lobby he finds a gigolo named Bill and he asks him to follow him to crime room, there the two men attempt to have sex when they are suddenly interrupted by the attack of a killer condom.”

Killer Condom was originally a comic book by artist Ralf Konig and in 1996 was turned into a Horror Comedy Movie that was a German production. The film had a fun and quick production and even had help from artist H.R. Giger as a consultant on the Killer Condom designs. In 1998 Troma was the US company to release it and promoted it at the Cannes Film Festival even having a man walking around in a Killer Condom costume. In fact the film was met with good reviews from critics as well as fans who praised the film for its humor. Plus the film got a very limited theatrical run and helped spread the dark strange world of Killer Condom to moviegoers. The film was directed by Martin Walz with Ralf Konig helping him on the screenplay, with actors Udo Samel, Iris Berben, Peter Lohmeyer and Meret Becker in roles. The film in 1996 was released alongside such other Horror Movies as Scream, Hellraiser: Bloodlines, Licantropo, Mary Reilly, Bad Moon, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Craft and Island Of Dr. Moreau to name a very few. While it might not be a household name when people think of classic Horror Movies, it is however a cult film that has made its mark in the world of cinema.

I can remember when Killer Condom came to VHS and DVD as I was very much into collecting Horror Movies and was a big fan of Troma, but the term Horror Comedy used to always scare me away from buying it and giving it a chance. When walking around Dayton Mall and going into stores like Suncoast and FYE with friends like Jason Gilmore and Josh Weinberg, we would see it on the shelf and would always just chuckle at the silly name, but none of us would ever pull the trigger on buying it. Believe it or not, just now in 2018 did I finally breakdown and buy the film on DVD off Ebay and watched it for the first time…and I must say I found it enjoyable. I know one other reason I had stayed away from it was because my pal Andy Copp had seen it and told me it was not very good so I took his word and skipped it. So what has been cool for me doing the update is that it’s my first time seeing the movie as well as reading the comics. One other thing I do remember as well is that at the time of its release, a windup toy of the Killer Condom was made.

So as you can see, Killer Condom is one of those cult films that when released was well reviewed by critics and has maintained a good following and fan base still to this day. So we are at the point of this update where we will be taken a look at the comic book that spawned the cult film and I want to thank Amazon for having both of these books in stock. I want to also remind you all that I grade these books on a star scale of 1 to 4 and am looking for how well the comic stays to the source material, its entertainment value and its art and story. So lets see what Killer Condom has is store for us in the world of Horror Comics.

Killer Condom   ***
Released in 1992     Cover Price $9.95     Ignitel Entertainment      # 1 of 2

A man returns home in New York to his wife and bratty kid after turning tricks on the street in order to get drug money, but something went wrong as the man who paid him for sex was in massive pain and next thing they both knew, his penis was detached and stuck inside the man! Once home he passes it out only for something to jump out of the toilet and attack him. Cut across town and a professor has taken one of his students to a sleazy hotel with the idea of sleeping with her in order for her to graduate. She gives in after the creep pushes her, and once he puts on a condom his penis explodes! The young woman is under arrest as they think she bit the penis off of her professor. Detective Luigi Mackeroni is on the case and heads to the same hotel taking a young man to the room to make love to when they witness a condom coming alive and biting off the right testicle of Mackeroni! His partner Sam doesn’t believe him about a Killer Condom and blames the young man for the attack, but once out of the hospital Mackeroni and the young man head to the hotel and set up a hidden camera in a room in hopes of capturing the Killer Condom. But while they wait in that room, the Killer Condom attacks in another! After the attack, the story gets into the press and Sam is pissed about it as he does not think the Killer Condom is real. More and more people are being attacked and having their private parts bitten off, and Mackeroni will not give up until he can stop the Killer Condom. While home Mackeroni takes a shower and gets a phone call from the young man who has fallen in love with the cop who now finds that the Killer Condom is alive and well in his own home looking to bite off his privates! After battling the Killer Condom and even losing one of his fingers, Mackeroni with the help of the young man is able to trick the Killer Condom into biting a gas hose and then throwing it out the widow and shooting it causing it to explode and ending its reign of terror in the city.

The comic and the movie, while similar in spots, are very much different, and oddly enough I think the movie does a better job of bringing the character Mackeroni to life and this is strange as the comic came first. The comic’s plot is about a sleazy hotel that is used by prostitutes and people wanting to remain under the radar to have sex at, and when many visiting males are having their privets bitten off, one Detective is called in to solve the case and finds that its all being done by a razor sharped teeth condom! Our hero is a snarky detective named Luigi Mackeroni who loves his cigarettes and loves his casual sex. Plus he is the only one in law enforcement who knows that a condom is really doing the mutilations. He is both unlikable and likable, and you find yourself cheering for him to get his revenge on the condom for ripping off his testicle. The side characters all fit their parts and do what they need to do to keep the plot going and add to the New York created for this story. The Killer Condom is a mean razor sharped teeth private part eating machine that has no remorse for his blood soaked deeds, plus it has no background on how or why a condom is now alive and a chomping machine. This horror comic does have lots of blood and gore but it’s all done in a cheesy cartoonish nature. It also has lots of sex and what’s funny is the art style reminds me of MAD Magazine who never would have done this style of raunchy. Ralf Konig was a one-man show on this comic as he did the art, cover and story and its all-good stuff. One thing I do want to stress is that hands down this comic is not for youngsters. It’s really an adult comedy horror comic that is really odd and packed with lots of themes that will make even adult readers squirm as private parts are being bitten off! Over all this was a fun comic, and I can’t wait to see the second book has in store for me.

Down To The Bone  **1/2
Released in 2011     Cover Price $14.95     Ignitel Entertainment     # 2 of 2

New York wakes up on New Years Day to find three dead bodies all connected to the gay club scene. Detective Luigi Mackeroni is asked to take the case, and he of course is not to pleased about it. Mackeroni arrives at one of the crime scenes where his captain informs him that he will be teaming with Officer Plumley and that the victims are only skeletons now and no blood, flesh or organs were found! So Mackeroni and Plumley set out to check out the crime scenes and get some leads about a gay porn star who is in town that one of the victims was trying to flirt with. Meanwhile a muscular stranger in leather is the one going around and having sex with men who are sucked into his crotch area and their bones are spit out of his mouth showing this massive and quiet stranger is indeed the killer. Mackeroni sends Plumley dressed in leather to the bar to interview the porn star who seems to be sad and not into his work as he feels people only want him for his body. Mackeroni and the porn star hit it off and hang out for the night and are about to make love when Plumley shows up and has a heated talk with Mackeroni. This allows the Billy the porn star to escape, and he or someone who looks like him is the killer who is really a weird looking mutant in a flesh skin costume! Mackeroni finds an old professor named Smirnoff who once made fake flesh and condoms. He and his Asian assistant are prime suspects for who made this killer Mutant and the Killer Condom! Mackeroni soon finds a hidden lab that has all the answers to his questions as he learns that Smirnoff has been kidnapped and forced by drugs to make a mutant monster who eats gay men and the Killer Condom who has a spawn in the lab as well! He also learns that a trusted female doctor who is really a crossdresser and the Asian assistant are part of a religious cult that forces these creations to be made to kill of all the impure. In the end Mackeroni and Plumley are able to kill the mad doctor and all her evil friends including the Killer Condom and save Smirnoff from his captors. Mackeroni is able to clear the name of Billy who quits porn and the two become close friends.

This second issue in the Killer Condom saga has Mackeroni on the case of a killer who is stripping the flesh off victims that turns around to be connected to the Killer Condom! In this issue, Mackeroni has lost his boyfriend as well as his drive to be a cop and is called once more to crack a weird case that is effecting the gay community. This time he is forced to work with a partner and finds new love when he meets a porn star named Billy. Just like before, he outsmarts his foes, saves the day and stops the plot that’s in place to kill many innocent people just because of their sexual orientation. His partner Officer Plumley is a straight laced guy who is forced on the case by the Chief and soon finds that he himself is attracted to men. He also saves Mackeroni twice in the final battle! Professor Smirnoff is a crazy old man who is addicted to berry jelly that has been laced with drugs and is a whiz at creating artificial flesh as well as strange creatures. The flesh-eating monster takes on the look of famous male porn stars and eats people in order to survive. He also spits an acid like venom and while a killer is not fully evil. The Killer Condom’s spawn is alive and well and is mad as hell and wants to attack and chomp on any privates he can find, but I should note he plays a very small part in the over all story. The evil crossdressing cult leader is crazy and wants to clean the Earth of the “impure” and when she gets hers in this comic, I was happy. The story this time around was only okay, and while entertaining, it dragged in spots and felt a little more crude for being crude’s sake. I will also say that I felt that Mackeroni also seemed a little off and not like he was in the first issue making it feel a little off. I did notice that elements of this comic were used in the film but much of it was cut out. The comic as well has blood, gore and lots of sex and is clearly not for kids. Once more, the art reminds me of MAD Magazine and the work of Don Martin. It is fun and silly and once more done by Ralf Konig who also wrote and did the cover. Over all the Killer Condom comics are a fun and silly read that helped spawn a goofy cult horror film. Check out the art below to see the style of Konig.

As you can see, the Killer Condom is one mean S-O-B, and while in the comics only two of them were ever made, in the movie several of them were in New York chomping away. But no matter the amount, Killer Condom is one Horror Movie baddie I would never want to meet! For our next update we are staying in New York but instead of looking at a Horror Movie, we will be taking a look at a Six Fingered Hand that hosted them and of course that must mean Chiller Theatre and another Horror Host Icon update! So until next time, watch a Horror Movie or two, read a Horror Comic or three and as always support your local Horror Host! See you next update for a real CHILLLLLEERRRR!

Harland Sanders The Fried Chicken Colonel Of Kentucky

Who doesn’t love some good old greasy fried chicken? Well maybe vegetarians, vegans and people who are watching their weight are not so much fans of this crispy fried death. When I was a youngster, my Grandma Salyers was an amazing cook and made lots of great southern style meals complete with collared greens, green beans with salt pork, fried green tomatoes, green onions and of course fried chicken! I loved eating at my Grandma’s house as her home cooking could not be beat and her fried chicken was at the top of my request list next to her homemade chicken or beef noodles and fried green tomatoes. One of the best parts about the meals also was that all the veggies were picked from their garden.  Man, I miss those days and more importantly miss my grandparents who sadly both have passed away. The theme of this update is fried chicken and one man, who along with 11 herb and spices made a recipe that took the United States by storm and gave us the fast food restaurant called Kentucky Fried Chicken.  That man is Colonel Sanders! So let’s order a bucket of chicken with some mashed potatoes and gravy and some biscuits with honey and talk about this Kentucky icon.

KFC Bucket Of Chicken

Harland David Sanders was born on September 9, 1890 in a small house near Henryville, Indiana and was the oldest of three children. He grew up going to church and enjoying a good farm family environment, but things got a little rougher when his father passed away and his mother had to take a job. Harland was forced to act as his siblings’ caretaker, but at this young age he learned to make food and do some creative things with meats, breads and vegetables. At the age of 10, he also took a job as a farmhand for a to help out with money. In 1902, seven years after his father’s death, his mom re-married, and they all moved to Greenwood, Indiana.  Harland found himself at odds with his new stepdad, and this lead to him dropping out of school in the 7th grade and taking lots of jobs in the surrounding towns. At the age of 14, he moved away from his mother with her blessing and lived with his uncle in New Albany, Indiana to work as a steelcar conductor. In 1906 Harland joined the United States Army as a teamster and survived in Cuba until being honorably discharged in 1907 as he lied about is age.  He then moved to Alabama where another of his uncles lived and worked for the railway as a blacksmith’s helper and later cleaned ash pans of trains, and at 16 he became a steam engine stoker. While working for the railway of Alabama, he meet Josephine King who he would marry and have one son and two daughters with.  Sadly his son Harland Jr. passed away very young from infected tonsils.

The Sanders family would next move to Jackson, Tennessee as Harland took a job for the Ilinois Central Railroad as steam engine stoker and studied law at night via La Salle Extension University. Harland lost his job at the railway when he got into a a brawl with a fellow worker. He found work at another railway company and his law work came to an end when he once more got into a brawl with his own client in court! Harland and his family had a rough time as he floated from job to job and even was fired from selling life insurance for insubordination. Things turned around for him in 1920 when he established a ferry boat company on the Ohio River that operated from Jeffersonville and Louisville. In 1922, he took the job of Chamber of Commerce in Columbus, Indiana but was not very good at the job and left his post less than a year into it. Sanders made a boneheaded move when he sold off his shares in the ferry boat company to open  an acetylene lamp manufacturing plant that failed after Delco sold electric lamps on credit. Sanders moved to Winchester, Kentucky to work as a sales person for Michelin Tires but once more was let go after one of their manufacturing plants closed.  He then went on to work at a Standard Oil Gas Station as a manager, but it closed during the great depression in 1930 leaving him once more jobless.

But his luck would once more save him as Shell offered him a service station in North Corbin, Kentucky rent free as long as they shared a percentage of sales with them! Sanders started to make good home cooked meals that he would sell at the station like country ham and steaks as well as chicken and would later attach a restaurant to the gas station which became a huge hit with visitors. Sanders did have his enimies at this time as Matt Stewart owned a rival station, and a fight over a street sign lead to Stewart shooting and killing a Shell Oil official and being convicted of murder, eliminating his only competition. In 1935 Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon commissioned Sanders as a Kenticky Colonel as his popularity and reputation of serving great food grew and grew. Over the years Sanders opened more restaurants that were also attached to hotels and motels and would do his part to help during Word War II and the gas shortage. In 1947, Harland divorced Josephine and married his mistress for many years Claudia Ledington-Price in 1949.  By this time he had also perfected his fried chicken that was the talk of the town as his 11 secret herbs and spices as well as his style of cooking the chicken became a signature flavor. By 1952, Sanders allowed his “Kentucky Fried Chicken” meals to be franchised to a man named Pete Harman of South Salt Lake, Utah.  Pete saw his sales triple, all of it coming from the fried chicken! A fun little fact is that Don Anderson, a sign painter hired by Pete, came up with the name Kentucky Fried Chicken as he used the term to draw people into his restaurant in Utah as the customers loved the southern sound and style of this tasty chicken.  Plus, Sanders made .04 off each chicken sold at this location.

But by the age of 65 Sanders sold his restaurant, and he and his wife Claudia opened a new restaurant and headquarters in 1959.  Sanders would travel around to places and try to sell the franchise rights to his friend chicken.  This would include him making a batch of his famous chicken and having workers eat it, and when they liked it he would work out a deal with the owners on the price of the deal.  This was the birth of the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) fast food restaurants that are still going strong to this day. Sanders would later just sell all the US rights to the chicken concept but retained the rights in Canada and Englund and would remain the spokesman and mascot for the fast food joint to this day. But Sanders and KFC had feuds over the years as both have slung lawsuits at each other over all types of things such as bad mouthing gravy all the way to misusing Sanders’ image on products.  Sadly Sanders’ time came to an end as on December 16 1980 he died of leukemia at the age of 90, but his legacy and chicken still lives on to this day.

Colonel Sanders 1Colonel Sanders Logo usedColonel Sanders 2

Colonel Sanders was known for his white suit, classic southern black bow tie as well as his white goatee. But here are some weird a fun things you might not know about Sanders: at first he treated the whole Kentucky Colonel thing as a joke but later would take it seriously.  He was a foul mouthed man when it came to food quality and would visit KFC restaurants in the 70’s and if the meal did not live up to his standards he would cuss and shove the food to the floor! He used his own stock holdings to create the Colonel Sanders trust as well as Colonel Harland Sanders Charitable Organization that were used to aid charities as well as scholarships. Japan’s Hanshin Tigers baseball team has an urban legend called “Curse of the Colonel” that has them performing poorly after some fans in 1985 tossed a statue of Colonel Sanders into a river that lead to the statue being lost. In 2011 in KFC’s archives, a manuscript was found written by Colonel Sanders that had recipes as well as life lessons.  They claimed that they were going to try some of these recipes and put the 200 page writings online but to my knowledge they never did. Lee Cummings, the nephew of Colonel Sanders traveled around with his uncle selling the 11 Herd and Spices as well as pressure cookers in 1952 to franchises, and in 1966 Lee made his own recipe that he called his “Famous Recipe.”  He is the creator of the chicken restaurant known as “Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken,” one of KFC’s big competitors in the fast food chicken world.

Colonel Sanders 3Colonel Sanders 4Colonel Sanders 5

Growing up my parents were not fried chicken eaters, and we would get KFC only time to time as my Dad always thought the buckets cost too much.  As I stated before, most of the time we did have it was at my grandparents’ house as my parents would get a big old bucket so my grandma didn’t have to cook as she and my grandpa were big chicken eaters. As I got older, my brother had a KFC kick, and he and I used to go out to eat.  Most of the time he chose between Taco Bell and KFC, and now I think he enjoys eating Lee’s more than KFC. At work we seem to eat KFC pretty often as Todd The Fox loves himself some fried chicken or a famous bowl, and Garrison Kane loves his double down sandwich. For those who don’t know what a double down is, it’s two chicken patties that act as the bun to some bacon and cheese…yeah it’s an artery clogger for sure. When I eat at KFC this is my standard order: 3 piece dark meat meal with mash potatoes and green beans with water to drink. So what do you enjoy eating at KFC?

KFC Choose Your Bucket

I covered KFC’s birth above, so I figured I would skip the huge history lesson on KFC and what big company owns them and how many times it’s been sold and such and decided to instead cover the classic KFC Commercials that use to air on broadcast TV and can now be found on Youtube. It’s really cool to see these classic commercials from the late 60’s and 70’s and watch Harland Sanders in his white suit and cane prepare chicken or watch cooks make chicken, all the while the catch phrase “It’s Finger Licking Good” is said to highlight just how good the chicken at Kentucky Fried Chicken is thanks to the secret recipe. Also, you can see commercials from the 80’s. 90’s and even the modern stuff with the “fake” Colonel Sanders…we will get into those a little later in the update. It’s really crazy to think that while other fast food joints had more colorful mascots like Ronald McDonald for McDonalds, The Magical Burger King for Burger King and The Noid for Dominos Pizza to name a few, KFC more played up Colonel Sanders, a Southern gentleman who lived the American Dream. So if you’re bored and have a few minutes to kill, check out these commercials on Youtube and learn why the chicken is finger licking good as well as how you can get buckets of chicken to go for that after church dinner!

KFC Commercial 1KFC Commercial 2KFC Commercial 3

Over the years besides the two comics we will be diving into on this update, many other great merchandise has been made based around Colonel Sanders that includes Halloween costumes, penny banks, PVC kids meal figures, hand puppets, clocks, t-shirts, vinyl records, bobble head, a Let’s Play At Kentucky Fried Chicken playset and statues to name a few. It’s great to see Colonel Sanders live on with lots of these collectable items, and while I don’t own any of these things besides the comics I have mentioned above I have seen the penny banks at many antique stores and have thought about buying one many times. So if you’re a collector of fast food mascots or just love KFC, you might want to try and track down some of these collectibles for your own collection.

Colonel Sanders puppetColonel Sanders bankColonel Sanders pvc figureColonel Sanders clock

With the original Colonel Sanders passing away in 1980, KFC thought of other ways to use his image like in the late 90’s they had an animated version who was cartoony in nature and was voiced by actor Randy Quaid. In 2015, we had two actors playing the “role” of Colonel Sanders, both former Saturday Night Live actors.  The first was played by Darrell Hammond, who had a touch of creepy to his portrayal.  This caused a huge backlash on social media from people who found it disrespectful to turn a classy gentlemen into a giggling chicken obsessed freak. I for one enjoyed the silly nature of Hammond’s version of Sanders, and it’s a shame they fired him from the role. During Hammond’s commercials he would sing little songs about fried chicken like “Chicken In The Bucket, Chicken In The Beans” or the classic about the $5.00 Fill Up Meal in which he explains that you not only get taters and gravy but also a big ol cookie! Norm Macdonald took over the role of Sanders and plays him more straight laced, but no matter how much or is it how little he tries, he just sounds like the Norm Macdonald we all grew to love while he was on SNL. During his commercials, Norm also explains that Hammond was an imposter trying to act as if he was the real Colonel Sanders. So will these three be the last to play the gone but not forgotten Colonel of Fried Chicken? Only time will tell. I should also note that it’s nice to see them at least use Colonel Sanders again as sometime in the 2000’s I can remember them wanting to drop his image from their marketing and wanted to embrace the KFC name and phase out that it stood for Kentucky Fried Chicken as health food nuts of the net went on a smear campaign against fast food joints.

Colonel Sanders cartoonColonel Sanders HammondsColonel Sanders Norm

For this update, co-workers Stephen Alexander, Garrison Kane and I ordered some food form our nearby KFC, and I wanted to break the meal down and give each food item a grade like on a report card! I ordered a 3 piece meal dark meat (leg, thigh, thigh) with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans and a lemonade to drink. The meal cost about $8.50, and let’s see if it was worth it! Let’s start with the sides, the green beans were fantastic and had a nice mix of diced onions mixed in, and the flavor was really good. I would get them a B+! The mashed potatoes and gravy were okay. The potatoes tasted great, but the gravy was so-so. I would give them a grade of C. The biscuit was dry and tasteless, and I only ate a small part of it before I gave it to Stephen; I would give it a D. The lemonade was really good and tasted freshly made so I would give it a solid A! The main event was the chicken, and man it was dry.  The chicken leg was so small and dry, it was a waste of frying! The two thighs the meal came with were a little more meaty but tasted kind of bland, and I had to use the Finger Licken Good Sauce to make it pop with flavor.  I would give the chicken a C – as it was not great but not total garbage. Over all, it was an average meal from KFC that did its job of filling my tummy on a long day of work.

Winner Winner KFC Chicken Dinner

Speaking of eating chicken, while working on this update I thought of yet another idea for a comic book that I would like to see made and that’s one based on a Troma Movie that has a metal teethed maniac who bites the heads off chickens, murders people and can only speak with clucks…that’s right, I am talking about Luther The Geek! This 1990 film was directed by Carlton J. Albright and was about a man named Luther Watts who as a child got his teeth knocked out while at a freak showing watching a geek eat the head off a live chicken.  He had his missing teeth replaced with steel ones and became crazed and craved human flesh. After being in prison for twenty years, he is paroled and sets back out biting people’s necks in order to taste their blood, and sadly for Hilary and her daughter Beth, their farmhouse becomes a nightmare as Luther comes to roost.  I should also mention Luther does not talk but clucks and crows like a rooster! Luther kills anyone foolish enough to get in his way as his thirst for blood knows no bounds and no age, gender or race is safe from his metal teeth of death. I first saw this film on VHS when my Brother and I rented it from K&L Video, and from that moment on, it became a film that I enjoyed for its over the top nature and creepy killer. I also want to mention that Stacy Haiduk, who played Beth, is a stunning raven haired beauty in this movie and is also helped fuel my like for this film as she has a great shower scene! My idea to make this into a comic would take place after the events of the movie and have Hilary being insane and locked up in an asylum, but little does she know that the body of Luther is missing and he is on the hunt for his “hen” as he thinks that she is now his mate! When Luther sets the crazies of the asylum free to run the nut house, Hilary must gain her wits back in order to survive as Luther is on the prowl and hungry for human blood and flesh. The best part of this comic idea is that Luther, while in the Asylum would also be attacking other inmates as he does not understand friendship. I would also throw in the original geek that inspired him to become one, who would be really old and the end would have the two fighting over Hilary like two roosters. I would love to see Troma make this comic themselves, and if not them, then I would say Blood Shed. From my friends, I think Bruce O’Hughes or Jason Young would do fantastic work making it come alive. Who knows maybe one day this comic idea will come alive!

Luther The Geek 1Luther The Geek DVDLuther The Geek 2

With all this fried chicken talk, I am sure many of you readers are craving some KFC or some sort of other chicken restaurant like Lee’s, Churches or Popeyes so I am now going to bring out the main course of this review, the comics based on Colonel Sanders! One of them was made by KFC themselves, while the other was made by DC Comics and has Sanders teaming up with The Flash and Green Lantern to stop bogus chicken from being served trying to ruin KFC’s good name. I want to thank both Amazon and Ebay for having these comics in stock and I need to remind you that I grade these comics on a 1-4 star ranking and am looking at how well the comic keeps to the source material, its entertainment value, and its art and story. So let’s bring out a 500pc bucket of Chicken and get looking at the comic adventures of Colonel Sanders!

Colonels Adventure 1

Colonel’s Adventure # 1  **1/2
Released in 2015    Cover Price FREE    KFC    # 1 of ???

Colonel Sanders is sitting on a stool and decides to share his life story with the readers.  He explains about his childhood, from losing his father at the age of 5 to cooking meals for his siblings when he was only 7. He goes on to tell of his teen years lying about his age and joining the army where he was stationed in Cuba to watch after the donkeys.  He then tells of his time working for the railroad as well as later opening and selling a boat company on the Ohio River and losing his money when putting it all into gas lamps. This issue ends with Sanders opening his gas station and restaurant and having a shoot out with his rival who had been painting over his sign, that left one man dead, his rival wounded and sent to jail and Sanders still alive and kicking ready to make some chicken!

This promo comic is fast and straight to the point and is 100% a marketing tool to show the weird and wild life Colonel Sanders lived before and during making his world famous chicken. The story is basic and nothing is really fleshed out as each life event and milestone for him is summed up in a panel or two, and no names are used besides his own. The one nice thing is also you get a mini history lesson as they give you the dates when the phone, jazz music and electric lamps all came into culture during his lifetime. Some things I didn’t know were that he had a terrible car wreck on a bridge when he was selling tires and was lucky to be alive and that he spent time also delivering babies! Also, the father of a new born baby in this comic looks a lot like Don Knotts! The bottom of each page as a tiny adventure of Colonel Sanders going on, and at one point he runs into The Incredible Hulk.  Yeah, how weird is that?! The art in the comic is pretty good but has a kind of souless digital look to it and was done by Dan Burke.  The cover is pretty kick butt and makes Colonel Sanders look like The Lone Ranger! Over all, this is a cheesy quick read comic used to make one learn and respect Colonel Sanders. Check out some artwork from this comic below.

Colonel's Adventure Art 1

Now let’s get onto the next comic based on Sanders done by DC Comics that was given away at Comic Con and features some famous superheroes and villains.

The Colonel Of Two Worlds 1

Colonel Of Two Worlds # 1  **1/2
Released in 2015    Cover Price FREE    DC Comics    # 1 of 1

Captain Cold and Mirror Master are sick and tired of being on the losing end of fights with The Flash, and they decide to join forces with Colonel Sunder who came from another dimension called Earth-3. They open a restaurant called Easy Fried Chicken where henchmen go out and rob people to get money to open more of these lousy fried chicken joints, while Mirror Master and Captain Cold serve lousy food for cheap prices to customers. The Flash and Green Lantern stop a bank robbery, and The Flash goes to look into Easy Chicken as crime has went up when they moved into town.  As he is about to enter, he runs into Colonel Sanders who is pissed off about this fake looking Colonel making chicken the easy way when the world knows it tastes better when you do it the hard way! Colonel Sanders confronts Sunders, and the pair fight as Sanders mops the ground with not only Sunders, who is using a pink slime gun, but also his henchmen.  All the while, Captain Cold and Mirror Master watch in shock as their hope to be crimelords is tossed back into a portal that leads him to Earth-3 where he belongs! In the end The Flash and Green Lantern visit Colonel Sanders at KFC and find out that both Mirror Master and Captain Cold are working there as part of community service as Sanders has taught them that working hard is better than the easy way.

This comic is as silly as the description above sounds. First off, the plot is about another world Colonel Sanders coming to our world and trying to make cheap gross fried chicken restaurants as his way to take over the world and rip people off of money.  Along for the ride are two of The Flash’s top bad guys who are forced to work in this gross fast food restaurant as they think this will lead them to world domination! And the kicker is that the real Colonel Sanders is the one who kicks butt as the superheroes just watch in amazement and later offer Sanders a seat in the JLA…yeah, this is truly a strange take of crispy strange goodness. Colonel Sanders is so heated up when he finds out someone looking like him is selling gross friend chicken that he marches down to his restaurant knocks The Flash out of his way and starts to rumble with anyone who stands in his way! Colonel Sanders in this issue is a badass and by the looks of it could have gone toe to toe with Doomsday if he was selling chicken that was not of high standards. While they do stop a robbery, the Flash and Green Lantern are clearly just background players in this silly game of chicken. Colonel Sunder is a black suit wearing lazy Sanders look alike who on Earth-3 is the king of poultry but here is just a no good thief who sells gross food and is such a bum that he won’t even lift a finger to take over the world. I do like how he uses guns that shoot chicken nuggets as well as pink meat slime! Captain Cold and Mirror Master as well just take backseat roles, but they do take a strange role in the end as both work for KFC and seem to enjoy doing so! It also makes the pair of baddies aware that they are looked at as a joke when it comes to super villains. The cover is amazing as it shows the two Sanders clashing as the DC characters watch on in amazement. The art inside looks like most of your modern DC issues and is done by Tom Derenick.  While not my favorite style of art, it works well for this promo comic. Man, they should have had Colonel Sanders join the JLA as I would have loved to seen him beat The Joker to death with his cane or even uppercut Darkseid through a window as this issue makes Sanders out to be a ticking timebomb of pride that, if pushed, nothing can stop! Check out a piece of art from the comic below, and if you like weird promo comics featuring mainstream heroes, then make sure to add this to your must-read list!

The Colonel Of Two Worlds Art 1

I hope you enjoyed this deep fried look at Colonel Sanders and his chicken.  It was a fun one to write as I always like talking and researching mascots for fast food restaurants. But while many of you might think that KFC’s greasy chicken is scary, our next update will be about that famed haunted house in New York that spawned many movies, books, theories and yes, even a comic.  That’,s right be prepared to be scared as we look into The Amityville Horror! So get your nerve of steel as we will enter the house and expose the curse, but until then, read a comic or three, support your local Horror Host and enjoy some fried chicken if you eat meat!

Ghosts In Amityville Logo

The Incredible Hulk vs. The Great, Great, Great, Grandson Of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame

Welcome back readers! Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and that you’re not to burnt out on turkey as Christmas is just around the corner. My Thanksgiving was nice as always, spent with my family. This month of December we will be leading up to my big Christmas Eve update that will be as fun as last year’s look at Thundercats. So I am sure you are wondering what I have planned, but you’ll have to wait until next update for that teaser. This update we will be taking a look at a one shot comic that was based on an episode of the 1982 NBC Incredible Hulk cartoon put out by Marvel Comics the same year.

No Turkey

In 1966, a 30 minute cartoon series called “The Marvel Super Heroes” went on the air in the US via syndication.  It was made by Grantray-Lawrence Animation and Marvel Comics Group and features not only The Incredible Hulk but also episodes based around Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and Prince Namor. But we are not going to talk about the other superheroes of the show and just focus of the Hulk ones that were based on the comic books and used artwork done by Jack Kirby and others as the animation.  They would crudely animate them and use over the top voice overs.  Each episode would be chopped into three chapters to tell the whole story of the chosen story arch. The Incredible Hulk had a total of 13 solo episodes and along with the others lasted till late 1966 for a total of 65 episodes among them. I can remember catching these shows years and years later in the 80’s on TV and also on VHS and always thinking how cheesy they were.  While I enjoyed the Hulk episodes, I found the Captain America ones to be the best. Some episodes can be found on VHS, and on DVD for Region 2 players but as of 2014 no DVD nor Blu-Ray are planned for the US market.

Hulk 66 Cartoon 1Hulk 66 Cartoon LogoHulk 66 Cartoon 2

In 1988, Marvel Productions made a cartoon series for NBC called “The Incredible Hulk” that was played during their Saturday Morning Cartoon lineup. The animation style was chosen because it was very close to the artwork that was being used in the comics at the time, but much like most cartoons of the 80’s many shots were reused saving money for the company. The episodes would follow Bruce Banner who would find himself in bad situations that only is alter ego, The Hulk, could get him out of. In this series he would meet and fight with such super villains as Doctor Octopus, Puppet Master, Spymaster, Hydra and Quasimodo, and would also team up with the likes of Rick Jones, She-Hulk and Betty Ross. The series also introduced a new set of friends with a Hispanic father and daughter named Rio and Rita who joined The Hulk on his adventures. The series only lasted one season and a total of 13 episodes, but even with such a short run thanks to reruns and VHS when I was a kid I was able to watch this series and will forever say it’s my favorite Hulk animated series to date. The cartoon had a few episodes make it to VHS and once more as the complete series was released on Region 2 DVD. No US release on DVD and Blu-Ray are planned.

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In the 1990’s FOX Network was one of the top stations when it came to cartoons, and I am not just talking about the Saturday Morning line up.  They showed many great cartoons from Batman The Animated Series all the way to X-Men; they had the lock on superhero cartoons for years. In 1996 UPN started to show another cartoon based on Hulk called yet again “The Incredible Hulk” that was made in the hopes to capture the same popularity as FOX’s major Marvel cartoon hits like 1992’s X-Men and 1994’s Spider-Man, and while many others cartoon series tried like 1994’s Fantastic Four and Iron Man and even later 1998’s Silver Surfer, they all failed to capture the magic and Hulk was as well a miss when it came to kids watching. This series followed The Hulk who was less dimwitted than the cartoons that came before and would add more smashing and fighting as baddies like Abomination, Wendigo, Leader and so many more became the punching bags for the old green menace. The cartoon’s main attraction was that it had the voice acting of Lou Ferrigno doing the Hulk, giving it a tie into the live action show and that it had many cameos from other superheroes like Iron Man, Thor and Fantastic Four. I watched the cartoon from time to time but was way older at this point and was more into girls, rock and roll and horror films than watching toons on TV. The series lasted two seasons for a total of 21 episodes that have not come out complete on DVD in the US, though at one point this series and many of the others that came before it could be watched on Netflix for a short time. Over all seen a few episodes even as of late and must say it’s a pretty good series but not nearly as fun as the 1982 one. Oh yeah and for season two, the show had a name change to “The Incredible Hulk And She-Hulk” after UPN felt that the first season was way too dark and that by adding She-Hulk they might can get a female audience to watch.

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So that was a look at the cartoons based on The Hulk from my generation, but a 2013 series called “Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H.” airs on Disney X-D and follows The Hulk who leads other Gamma monsters into battle is being made for kids of this generation. I have not seen the show but will probably watch it once it hits DVD. But now let’s talk about the 1982 episode of The Incredible Hulk called “When Monsters Meet” where Bruce Banner and Betty Ross travel to Paris and become the target of an ancestor to The Hunchback Of Notre Dame who wants a key that Betty is wearing around her neck as he knows it will unlock a vast amount of treasure just waiting for his taking. Of course when this Hunckback appears so does Banner’s anger, and The Hulk is set to stop the creep once and for all. What a cool idea for a cartoon, and I am sure it had both Super Hero and Monster Kids happy as the two titans of brute power slugged it out for their amusement on Saturday Morning Cartoons. This episode as well as the rest in the series was narrated by Stan Lee who helped try to build the mood as well as fill in the blanks of what and who the characters are, making you as the viewer feel as if you now knew everything about the likes of Quasimodo. The episode is the fourth episode in the series when it aired and helped set the bar for the episodes to come. I first watched this episode on VHS via the Marvel Comics Video Library Volume 5 that I bought from a local video store when I was in my mid teen years, and I can remember thinking just how fun and silly the cartoon was and how The Hulk looked like he should in animated cartoon world. If you’re looking to watch this episode you can via VHS, DVD and even on Youtube, check it out if you like 80’s cartoons and enjoy all things Hulk.

Hulk 82 when monsters meet 1Hulk 82 when monsters meet logoHulk 82 when monsters meet 2

Before we move onto the comic adaptation of the episode we just spoke about I want to talk about another horror film I would love to see get made into a comic mini series and it as well was made in 1982! The film is called “Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates,” and it could be one of the cheesiest horror films I have ever seen, but damn would it be a fun film to turn into a comic. The film was directed by Tony Malanowski and follows six friends, one being a blind girl, as they go camping and hiking, but while finding an old church and graveyard in the woods they bother some items left behind and one takes a journal written by a Confederate general who was tortured alongside his men and are the ones buried in the graves. Taking the journal off the Church land makes the General and his men rise from the grave as zombies to eat the living and get back what’s theirs. The movie is released by Troma and is ranked as one of the worst films in their vast library or so Lloyd Kauffman says in his book “All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger”, but this didn’t stop the film from coming out on VHS and DVD from Troma as well as part of Brentwoods/BCI sets on DVD called Toxie’s Triple Terror Volume 1. If a comic series was to be made, it could follow a new set of campers who go out into the woods and stay the night at the old church after hearing the legends of the Confederate Zombie Soldiers.  They bring cameras along with them to make a documentary and at night they all get a little drunk and get destructive and burn an old confederate flag taunting the spirits of the soldiers, and this act brings the dead back to life once again! The comic is then about them trying to get out of the woods alive, and as a side story two cops, who are the sons of the cop characters from the movie who are killed and eaten, are also around trying to see if the legends are true and if their fathers really died as legend tells. This could be a fun mini series and could make up for the lame movie kills with over the top zombie art kills and a spine tingling story. I would like to see Troma make the comic themselves and if not them than IDW.  If I could get one of my comic book friends to make it I would say that Bruce O’ Hughes, Eric Shonborn or Justin Wasson would be the best for the job as each have their own styles and all that could fit the mood of the story and characters. Maybe someday once I get the Night of The Demon Comic done. I will try and get this one done. Oh yeah and the film has an alternate title “The Curse Of The Screaming Dead”. So until then for god’s sake please don’t read any journals found near cemeteries.

Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates 1Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates dvdCurse Of The Cannibal Confederates 2

So we took a look at cartoon versions of the Hulk, the episode from 82 that this comic is based, a comic series I would love to have made based on a Troma movie as well as a little about my Thanksgiving.  So now I think its time that we take a look at this one shot Marvel Comic starring one of my all time favorite superheroes, The Incredible Hulk, and guest starring one of Horrors most iconic characters The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  So I have to remind everyone that I grade these on a standard 1-4 star rating and base it on how well the comic stays to the source material, it’s entertainment value and it’s art and story. I was lucky to get this comic for free thanks to Joe G and Mavericks Cards and Comics who gave this away for Free Comic Book Day some years back. Joe use to work for Mavericks and was helping out on Free Comic Book day and when the normal stock of free comics were given away Joe brought some of his own in to continue the fun…and I was lucky enough to get this issue, so a big thanks goes out to Joe and Mavericks for going above and behind that Free Comic Day. So let’s travel to Paris and watch two monsters clash in the streets for our amusement.

Hulk Vs Quasimodo 1The Incredible Hulk vs. Quasimodo # 1   **1/2
Released in 1982   Cover Price .60   Marvel Comics   #1 of 1

Bruce Banner and Betty Ross are on a trip to Paris and visit the famed cathedral of Notre Dame, as high above them Quasimodo and his large bat humanoid friend Salvatore watch and target a key necklace that Betty is wearing.  You see her necklace key alongside The France Prime Minister Of Finance’s opens a hidden vault filled with money and gold. While Quasimodo hatches a plan to kidnap Betty and get the key, Bruce and Betty meet up with Professor Jaques Royale who gives Bruce an untested cure, that Bruce shrugs off as a cure for a cold so Betty doesn’t get hip to the fact he is also The Hulk. As Bruce tries to get them a taxi, Quasimodo pops from the sewer and grabs Betty, taking her back down with him.  As Bruce gives chase Quasimodo puts Betty in a hidden room deep in the sewer and comes out to face Bruce who quickly turns into The Hulk, and the two monsters exchange punches. As the fight between the monsters rages on the formula cure falls from the Hulks pocket and Betty climbs the side of her prison wall and escapes only to be followed by Salvatore who finds out the location of the hidden loot and tells Quasimodo who has shaken the Hulk off his trail by making him fall into water and almost drowning! Betty meets up with The France Prime Minister Of Finance, and they enter a metro car filled with gold and head to the secret hidden spot.  Meanwhile The Hulk has turned back into Bruce and finds the cure at the same time Quasimodo finds him. Quasimodo says he will trade information on where Betty is and will not go after her and the gold if Banner gives him the cure. Bruce gives him the cure, and when it doesn’t work fast enough Quasimodo goes on a rampage to steal the gold as Bruce turns into the Hulk and makes quick work on the attacking Salvatore, and goes to stop Quasimodo who turns into a normal man thanks to the cure.  The Hulk stops the train car that was out of control. In the end all ends well for everyone besides Bruce Banner who still is cursed with The Hulk.

This comic follows the cartoon it was based on for the most part; the one major change is that I felt the fights between the two in the toon were way more epic than they are in the comic. The plot is simple: Bruce and Betty go to France each with their own “secret” mission. Betty is to help transport gold to a hidden vault with a key that was entrusted to her by her father Thunderbolt Ross, and Bruce is there to give some science lectures but mostly around to get an untested cure. The Great, Great, Great Grandson to The Hunchback of Notre Dame Quasimodo wants what both of them have and more so wants to be cured and not an ugly monster any more. This clearly is not in the main story arc of the ongoing comic series as many changes are around from Betty not knowing Bruce is the Hulk and the fact that Quasimodo for the most part fought the Hulk fist to fist and was able to hold is own for the most part. The Hulk is the slow-witted Green Skin Goliath that we all know and love who just wants to protect Betty and smash things. Bruce Banner is the same old same old smart guy, but is a lot less of a sad bastard. Betty for some reason is like a secret agent in this issue and holds literally the key to all of France’s money.  While she does play the helpless victim for a short time, she clearly can take care of herself as she escapes Quasimodo’s prison cell on her own. Quasimodo is a jerk for the most part and while he knows he’s ugly and a monster he thinks by stealing gold and money that he can buy himself happiness. In fact even though it looked as if Bruce was going to give him the cure formula Quasimodo bullied his way into snatching it from his hands. Salvatore the giant bat is pretty much a generic henchman who can bully the weak humans but is no match for The Hulk. The comic, while not the completely the same as the cartoon, holds true enough to the source material to make it an enjoyable read. Oh yeah and at the end of the issue, they try and make sure to remind you to watch Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends and Incredible Hulk on NBC Saturdays! The comic’s artwork is well done and is by the two talented artists Sal Buscema and Steve Mitchell, and the cover is fantastic and reminds me of an old Monster Magazine like Creepy meets a classic 70’s Hulk Comic cover. Great Read, Great Cartoon Adaptation and once more thanks Joe G and Mavericks for having this comic out for Free Comic Book Day.

H vs Q Art 1h vs q art 2h vs q art 3

Nothing says the holiday season to me more than The Hulk…am I right or am I right? Here is to hoping that some day Disney will get in gear and release all these Hulk cartoons as well as all the rest of the classic Marvel cartoons on DVD/Blu-Ray. Thus far they have released the 1967 Spider-Mans, The 1992 X-Men series as well as the 1994 Iron Man and Fantastic Four, but nothing more for a few years now. Fans have begged for them to release the 1994 Spider-Man series, and while they have put select episodes on DVD and VHS no full seasons are in the works. Well over all I find this one shot issue a very cool tie into a very underrated Saturday morning cartoon tht should have truly lead to a comic series based on his animated adventures, and if Star Comics was around at this time it would have been a perfect fit to go alongside Wally The Wizard and Thundercats. Our next update will bring us a little closer to Christmas, and while doing some deep thinking on what to do and I decided that we will take a look at a Dell Comic based on a Roger Corman film that was adapted from the writing of Edgar Allen Poe that stars horror actor icon Vincent Price and that’s Tomb Of Ligeia! So until next time have a safe Holiday Season, buy your Christmas presents from local stores and make sure to stay nerdy and read a comic or two.

The Tomb Of Ligeia Logo

The Softer Side of the Toxic Avenger

In the mid 80’s and throughout the 90’s big companies were buying up licenses to turn anything into toys, cartoons, video games and comics.  I mean there were Nintendo games based on Jaws, Conan The Barbarian, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street and many more off the wall selections. So independent sleaze studio Troma thought hey why not us and made a cartoon series based on their R-rated drive-in/video hit film The Toxic Avenger to Fox, and not to anyone’s surprise it happened. For those readers who may not know what Troma is I will give you a quick rundown.  Troma is an independent film studio based in New Jersey, owned and run by Lloyd Kaufman & Michael Herz who specialize in making and buying low budget films to release in grindhouse theaters, drive-ins and the home video market (Beta,VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray).  They are know for sex, boobs, mutants, slime and gore and besides the Toxic Avenger movies, they are known for Class of Nukem High, Mothers Day and Terror Firmer. While Troma is still around, they are no longer the power houses they once were, but I still love them anyway. Fox, who only aired 5 out of the 13 episodes, thought that they had something special that could have been a runaway hit much like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but they would soon be shown wrong.  The show would be canceled and shown for awhile on USA’ Networks Cartoon Express. While I would love to get into some funny stories about the films about The Toxic Avenger, I will save them for when I take a look at Marvel Comics’ short run of issues based on it.

Toxic Avenger PosterTroma Logotoxic avenger

The Toxic Crusaders first aired in 1991 for Fox and followed Toxie, his loud mouth mother and his bimbo girlfriend Yvonne as they team up with a band of freaks, such as No-Zone a big nosed, wheeled legged blue skinned one time pilot.  Junkyard is a mix of homeless man and stray dog.  Major Disaster is a planet man who controls plants, and Headbanger is a two headed person that has one half surfer dude the other mad scientist! Put them all together and you have The Toxic Crusaders who want to stop all the pollution caused by alien smog lover Dr. Killemoff and his band of evil mutants. The series ran for 5 episodes before FOX decided that it was a no go and pulled the plug on it, but it did show briefly on USA’s Cartoon Express. This was a cartoon that took a stand to try and teach kids to try and save the environment much like Captain Planet and Swamp Thing, but did so in more of a silly goofy nature. I remember being pretty hyped to watch the cartoon, and was super let down by it and found it to be mediocre at best.  While the animation was cheap looking, it was more of the lame story lines that made me stop watching after the 3rd episode in. I later watched episodes on USA and still found it just so-so. The show had a total of 13 episodes, and while not all of them aired on TV, you can find the whole series on DVD thanks to the fine folks at Troma who put it in their Toxic Avenger Box Set. The show has built up a small cult following, and while I still find it cheesy bad, it’s that charm that makes me still remember it and its theme song to this day. Oh did you notice they call him Toxie and not Toxic Avenger?  I guess they wanted to make him more kid friendly.

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Playmates was a huge toy company at the time, and they were doing figures for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Barnyard Commandos, Dick Tracy, Darkwing Duck and many more.  They ended up getting the rights to make action figures based on this short lived series. The figures were in scale with the Ninja Turtles, and I am sure that many kids had that amazing toy cross over, and came with many weapons most of which glowed in the dark. Not to mention the figures also had a vehicle line that made many off the wall rides for the Crusaders and baddies. The toy line came and went and not much hype was put into them. I do remember the TV commercials for the toys, and I did know a few friends who had the figures at school. When I was younger I only had 2 of them and that was Dr. Killemoff and his skeleton mutant henchman Bonehead, both of which I got new at Big Bear. It’s crazy looking back that I passed on Toxie to get the bad guys that while cool figures were not nearly as cool as Toxie’s. I do remember having Killemoff & Bonehead team with the Shredder & Krang to try and stop the Ninja Turtles, and later Dick Tracy and Itchy were added into that “story line”. Over all the line was short lived, but they were pretty neat figures.

dr killamoff toyToxie ToyMajor Disaster toy

Not only were toys made based on the cartoon but so were video games for Nintendo, GameBoy and Sega Genesis. The game on all formats was a side scrolling beat’em up that would have Toxie fighting from level to level to get to Killemoff. In my youth the only one I played was the Sega Genesis version, and that’s because me and my brother rented it from a small video store called K & L Video. The game was entertaining and a little annoying in game play.  I remember staying up late trying to beat it but never did, and we had to return it in the rented time frame. K & L was my favorite video store in the area and stocked way better stuff then Blockbuster Video.  The horror section was amazing, and he carried games for the older systems. Kenny was the owner, and he was a super cool guy, always giving pep talks and posters & selling horror VHS to me. But sadly Kenny (who’s real name was Michael Wayne Brown) made a mistake in his youth and killed a man during a botched robbery.  After being captured, he escaped and went on the run finally settling here in Ohio.  Changing his name, he opened a video rental store and became the champion of good deeds to the teens in the area. I think Kenny saw some of us who might have been on a bad path and wanted to make a difference and steer us away from mistakes he made in his past. Kenny ended up turning himself in after his story aired on Unsolved Mysteries, and an employee knew his secret.  Kenny did make a mistake in life, but he should be used as a speaker to troubled youth.  He could make a difference in someone’s life.

Toxie NESToxie Video GameToxie Genesis

Not only were toys, video games and comic books made based on this short lived cartoon but there were also coloring books, trading cards, Colorforms, Halloween masks, T-shirts and puzzles.This showed you everyone thought that this cartoon series was going to be a huge hit with kids, and the money making machine was in full effect. In fact New Line Cinema bought the rights to turn the cartoon into a movie, but when the series bombed, the plug was pulled. Troma sued New Line and won for not coming through on their side of the agreement. I used to have a Toxie Halloween mask but due to age the cheap mask degraded and is now a mangled mess.

Toxie Coloring Book toxie shirt 2Toxie CardsToxie Puzzle

So in short Toxic Crusaders was a cheesy fun cartoon that in all terms bombed but sparked a ton of merchandise all that was made to cash in the the super popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It played very shortly on Fox and switched to USA. In 1992 Marvel Comics made a 8 issue series based on the cartoon that never had a full time writing staff, but will this series be good? Remember I rate the issues on the 1-4 scale and base it on art, story, how close it stays to the source material and over all entertainment value. So let’s get Toxic!

Toxic Crusaders 1

Toxic Crusaders # 1  **1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #1 of 8

“The Making of Toxie”. Dr. Killemoff is an evil man with four arms and purple skin who loves smog and toxic waste and has decided to dump a very toxic batch in Tromaville, New Jersey where an accident causes Melvin Junko to fall into the batch and turn into a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength known as Toxie! Our hero makes his home in the city’s junkyard and comes to the aid of a nearly blind dim whit blonde babe named Yvonne and causes bully Bonehead to turn into a skeleton mutant himself and is joined by Killemoff, Pyscho (his righthand man) and the radiation rangers who all jump Toxie. But a bus full of fellow good mutants show up to help lead by Major Disaster (who controls planets).  The team consists of No-Zone (with power of Sneeze), Head Banger (two headed) and Junkyard (a dog man).  They save Toxie, run off the bad guys and become The Toxic Crusaders!

This first issue is a fun read but does have lots of flaws in the very rushed story. The coming together of the team is done so half heartedly that the impact of them being a positive team is lost, and worst is the comic seems to be in on the fact it’s lackluster and even takes pot shots at itself! The build up of a feud between Killemoff and Toxie is for the most part vacant and not fleshed out, leaving it to be a very loose rivalry.  I mean I get the fact Toxie loves the environment and Killemoff who is a giant roach wants the world to be poisoned with foul air, but I am pretty sure that would make anyone hate Killemoff and want to stop him. Plus they way over used the phrase “hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength” to the point of being annoying. The good things about the issue are that they did a good job of putting the cheesy cartoon into a comic book and do a good job of showing Toxie’s birth and keeping it close of the R-Rated film he comes from.  The comic also has some good and shocking action as Toxie even knocks a punk’s eyeball out…now that’s hardcore! The art is also well done and has a nice cartoonish look. The cover art on this one is not very well done and is for the most part generic. Over all this is an average action comic based on a cartoon and was worth the read.  Let’s see if the same could be said for issue 2.

Toxic Crusaders 2

Toxic Crusaders # 2   **1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #2 of 8

“The Big Broadcast of 1992”. Island City is the smog-infested home of Killemoff who has come up with a ray that will spread pollution throughout the world and interrupts a TV show to go about his plan and to challenge the Toxic Crusaders to try and stop him. Toxie and team enter the sewers and walk to Island City to find a horde of Radiation Rangers and Tromaville’s own fat Mayer Grody along side them.  Toxie and team defeat them and head to the tower of Killemoff, but they are met by Bonehead, Psycho and a horde of troops.  Only Toxie has time to get to the top as the team holds off the bad guys.  Toxie tries to talk Killemoff from using the ray but fails and the ray is used! Toxie and the Crusaders return to Tromaville to find it the same and not polluted because the ray was a dud!

This issue is again average all the way around, but this time the plot is a little more fleshed out and there are many more fighting panels that make it chug along. The issue, like the previous, seems to make jokes about itself, making you wonder just how miserable the writers must have been working on this comic series. The plot is very typical and has Toxie and Friends going to the bad guy’s hideout to stop him from causing harm to the whole world.  Wwhile that premise has been done many times, it’s still a good generic plot that you feel okay reading again. The rest of the Crusaders also get a little more panel time and are turned into likable side characters that are good for one liners and fighting. The fact that Toxie failed to stop Killemoff also makes our hero seem incompetent and a dummy, and those aren’t not good traits for a superhero to have. The art in this issue is for the most part the same as the last issue but this one does make parodies of many other media such as Wheel of Fortune, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Jack and the Beanstock among many others. While again capturing the cheesy nature of the cartoon, this just seem to be missing something. The cover on this one is also very so-so, and making this issue over all just average all the way around.  This is not a good start for this series so let’s hope 3 breaks the average mold. 

TOXIC Crusaders 3

Toxic Crusaders # 3  ***
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #3 of 8

“Night of the Living Dessert”. Killemoff is at it again, but his money man from his home planet is mad about all the money that is being wasted to fight the Toxic Crusaders and to gain Tromaville.  So a plan is hatched to poison a batch of custard to get at the men of Tromaville. Bonehead screws it up and instead delivers the wrong batch of goo, and the company makes a Custard Man Monster who just wants someone to eat him! But once it attacks Yvonne, Toxie and The Crusaders must track down the slimy dessert monster before it chokes and kills someone.  The Crusaders attack the creature but only seem to make it mad when they won’t eat it alive.  So it grows and is about to destroy Tromaville.  Killemoff has an idea that if the Crusaders eat the custard man it will live in their bloodstreams and he will be able to control them.  This backfires on him.  As they eat the monster he comes to brag, only to get a toxic team burp that knocks him from his car and landing hard on the ground and then having the car fall and crush him.  Toxie and friends win this round and head home to the junkyard for a well deserved nap.

This 3rd issue is a fun ride that reminds me of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle issue from Archie Comics! The plot has the team having to fight and eat a monster man made of mutated custard, in order to free it and pay back Killemoff with a wicked team burp. This issue has lots of humor that works and does not make fun of itself or the reader. Killemoff and his men are used not only as villains but also as stooges who get beat up and things dropped on them. Toxie also comes off very heroic as does the whole team. One of the better things about all the issues so far is while it’s a dumb cheesy series it really does have good messages hidden under its childish nature. The Mutant Custard Man is a great character that while hurting people just really wants some one to eat and enjoy him; you see he really just wants to be liked. The art work is good and cartoonish.  The cover while silly still is well done, and the plot is fun making this the best issue this far in the series. Let’s see if issue 4 can keep this on the right path and make for another good issue. 

Toxic Crusaders 4

Toxic Crusaders # 4  *1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #4 of 8

“Gnaws” Dr. Killemoff has set bombs in the sewers of Tromaville to explode and cause the city’s toilets to shoot out waste filling the streets, but his plan is stopped by Toxie and crew who go down to get rid of the bombs but before they can they must face a very pissed off giant rat. In the end Toxie’s mop saves the day. Story 2 is “Porcelain Paranoid” Killemoff is at it again as he pumps deadly water into Tromaville, killing many people with its acid like powers, but Toxie saves the day as he uses No-Zone’s massive sneeze to push the bad water back to Island City. Story 3 is “From Seat to Shinning Seat” has Toxie trying to clean a very messy bathroom for a factory and instead meets an undead plumber who fights what he thinks is a giant turd monster!

This issue is 3 short stories all having to deal with pipes, poop, muck and toilets, and none of them are any good! They all feel very rushed and for the most part each have very similar endings making them all seem almost interchangeable. Out of the 3 stories the best is “From Seat to Shinning Seat” just for the fact it’s the only one that don’t cram so many characters into one lackluster story. I am not sure why they chose to do this issue with different stories, artist and writers but it made for one poor read. Toxie’s attitude and speech changes in almost each story, and while in the cartoon the mop never was alive but now all of a sudden 4 issues in the mop is alive and the brains of the team. The art in the first story is piss poor and is very sloppily done.  The rest of the art for the other stories is what came before. The cover is one of the only nice things I can say about this issue.  So to sum it up this is this far the worst issue in the run.  I hope issue five brings the series out of the toilet!

Toxic Crusaders 5

Toxic Crusaders # 5  **1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #5 of 8

“Delivery System” Toxie’s body warns him of danger, and he and the Crusaders rush off to save the day, but as Toxie keeps running the Crusaders stop the ice cream headed Double-Dip gang.  Toxie runs out of town and finally collapses from exhaustion and it’s shown that Psycho and Bonehead has figured a way out to make his blood boil and they want to use this to make Toxie a walking bomb.  Toxie’s Mom has reconnected with her old high school love, and he is the key to set off the bomb that is now Toxie.  In the end he has a change of heart and before Toxie explodes Major Disaster uses No-Zone to destroy the detonator.  Once more The Toxic Crusaders save the day and are treated to Liver and Onions in BBQ Sauce.

The series picks back up to average with this issue, and I am fine with that.  This time around Killemoff takes a backseat as the main bad guy, and Psycho and Bonehead take the role and come up with a good plot to kill the Crusaders by making Toxie a bomb. They also flesh out Mom’s role in the series and show her back history that is done like a twisted version of an Archie comic. The issue has comedy, drama and action and makes it a fun read, and I think its funny how at the start they beat up a gang of thugs who have heads like ice cream scoops. They also go back to the mop not being alive and a character, and again I am totally cool with that. The thing is I am not sure if this issue is as good as it seems or of it’s just that the last issue was so bad that it made this issue seem better. Plus the cover claims that it has the “Grossest” kiss in comic history, and it’s just Toxie’s Mom kissing her old man lover…yeah…not worth the build up. The art work is standard for the series, and the cover is pretty damn eye catching. Over all I found myself enjoying this issue, and while not the best in the series thus far, it was a solid average outing.  So let’s see if issue 6 is any good.

Toxic Crusaders 6

Toxic Crusaders # 6  ***
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #6 of 8

The Toxic Crusaders are yesterday’s news and have lost all the female groupies to Corporal Globe and The Globiteers who have came into Tromaville and beaten all of Killemoff’s new plans. Corporal Globe is a environmental super powered being who wants nothing more than to save Mother Earth from pollution and the ladies love him for it. Toxie and team are thinking about packing up and leaving to see if another city would need their help when Psycho comes up with walking time bombs that when exploded releases Jock Sweat all over town! And when one explodes Corporal is down for the count, and its up to The Toxic Crusaders to save the day, and when they do the town and ladies are back on their side.  The Globiteers disband and leave Corporal all alone.

This issue is really fun and is one big parody of Captain Planet and his sappy messages about keeping Mother Earth clean. Corporal Globe comes off as an ego driven hero who who believes in his message but also seems to be doing it for the fame. In the issue Toxie seems to take a more side character approach until he is needed to save the day. There is also a ton of random cameos from such people as Ted Turner and Rowan Atkinson all of whom just seem to pop up in Tromaville. This issue was also to mark the end of the series.  In the back of the issue states that the current series has ended with this issue but a new # 1 is coming soon….wonder what happened as two more issues followed this one! The art is hit and miss in this one as some times it seems sloppy and rushed, but the story line seems more thought out than issues of the past and makes this next to issue 3 the best in the series so far. The cover on this one also is pretty rocking, and while this goes away from the source material I still think the premise works and makes the characters more fun and while making fun of themselves it’s not rammed down your throat like in the first couple of issues. This is a very good issue and makes me wonder what the next issue holds.  So with that, let’s not wait and get into issue # 7!

Toxic Crusaders 7

Toxic Crusaders # 7  **1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #7 of 8

“Girl Power” Yvonne is sick and tired of being treated like a slave while at the dump hideout house of the Toxic Crusaders who make her cook, clean, bend over to stare and get comics for them.  So she does what any smart woman would do, she leaves. She gets it in her head that she will go to Island City and defeat Killemoff once and for all, but what she finds is that Psycho has created a time machine and has gone back in time and got a giant man made of Asbestos who is on his way to Tromaville to posion and kill the citizens. Yvonne with the help of Toxie’s mom warns the team of its coming in a round about way and feeds them a plan that Toxie can take credit for.  The plan works, the Asbestos Man is defeated and Yvonne and Toxie are happy once more.

This issue’s cover lies! When first picking this issue up one would think that The Crusaders were on the popular USA Cartoon Express, but sadly this just doesn’t happen and we only get the Cartoon Express in a very tiny cameo. In fact this issue again has some cameos with the best being The Bride of Frankenstein who Psycho uses the Time Machine on to bring to the present to go on a date with. The plot is good and gives Yvonne time to shine making the issue more about her then the Crusaders.  This is a good thing and adds some spice to the series. It is odd that they all treat Yvonne like a useless slave, and Major Disaster comes off as a sleaze as he clearly keeps checking out her boobs and ass and making comments about them! And why is Toxie okay with his team mate asking his girlfriend to bend over in front of him so he can see her butt?! The art in this one is fun cartoonish again, and this is the style I like for this series. To sum it up great plot, Yvonne rocks, lying cover, good art and some fun cameos make this one a fun time. Let’s see how the final issue goes and will it make this series go out with a bang. 

Toxic Crusaders 8

Toxic Crusaders # 8  *1/2
Released in 1992   Cover Price $1.25   Marvel Comics   #8 of 8

“Toxzilla” Killemoff has kidnapped a tourist and turned him into a 500ft toxic giant who is sent to Tromaville to crush, eat and destroy everything in sight. So Toxie and the Crusaders head into town to do battle and are eaten by the monster! And once inside they must dodge tapeworms and Radiation Rangers to stop Toxzilla’s brain.  Once they do so Toxie and crew save the day again! “Beau No3e” Nozone is feeling lonely and Killemoff has made a woman out of sludge to blow up The Toxic Crusader’s hideout but the sledge woman starts to feel for Nozone and turns on her makers!

This issue is a complete mess and is back to having multiple stories, and none of them worth much more then a once read. Toxie & crew in the first story “Toxzilla” fight a fat bloated disgusting giant.  Oh wait, they barely fight him and spend most the issue inside his body and cram as much gross stuff in it as possible. The second story “Beau No3e” is a complete waste of time and adds nothing to The Toxic Crusaders story arc we have been dis-treated to in the past 7 issues. The message of save the environment is missing and instead random gross stuff is thrown into its place. The art in both stories is terrible and seems very rushed, given that this was the intended last issue in the series, it’s clear as day that no one working on the comic gave a rat’s ass about the story, art and presentation. This issue just stinks all the way around and has more crap moments then good making this the winner of worst issue in the series.

The Toxic Crusaders was a failed attempt to capture the popularity of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in both cartoon and comic forums. The biggest issue with the comic is lack of care that was given to the property,  The characters’ moods and style change several times as do the artist and writers making the 8 issue Marvel series  come off as a clustered mess with no direction. Plus it’s clear that Marvel wanted to do very little with the series once the cartoon and toy line was canceled and only stayed with it due to contract with Troma. I mean the series was slated for “last” issue a number of times during its short run! In fact issue 8 that was the planned last issue for the series states that a 4 issue mini series was in the works, and as you can see that never happened. Plus let’s be blunt: taking a character like Toxic Avenger who is a R-Rated hero, who in the films rips off arms and beats people with them or makes their face into a milk shake and the changing his name to Toxie and making him a lovable nature loving knuckle head is just not a recipe for success. But on the other hand, I give both Troma and Marvel credit for trying something new and making a extreme step into trying to make a kid show hit. Over all The Toxic Crusaders run at Marvel was a mediocre at best effort that produced more so-so issue then solid good ones. I was never sold on the cartoon and am not sold on the comics! I want to thank Game Swap Kettering and Lone Star Comics for having the issue for me to get for this review. Next update we are going to do something a little different instead of a look back and a review of Star Comics, we are going to be doing an interview with local Dayton, Ohio comic artist and maker Jason Young who has made the hit indie book Veggie Dog Saturn! So see ya next update.

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